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15
Mar

Johnny Weir Too Gay for the Gayest Show on Ice

First it was the PETA freaks trying to strip the fabulous fur off his Olympic fashion. Now it appears that the world’s gayest touring company — Stars on Ice — has deemed Johnny Weir (are you ready for this?) too gay to skate.

I know. It’s like the Church of Scientology rejecting Amy Winehouse for being too crazy. But there you have it.

This past Thursday, GLAAD reported that the two-time Olympian was apparently “not family friendly” enough for co-sponsors Smucker’s and IMG Entertainment’s now über-masculine lineup. (Which, for the record, still consists of guys in leotards twirling and leaping about on the ice.)

You’ve got to love the euphemism: “not family friendly.” In other words, gay as a maypole. Gayer than Christmas.

In response to this heartless snub, Weir confessed to Access Hollywood on Friday morning:

I’ve never been invited to do ‘Stars on Ice’ before, which is the only figure skating tour in the U.S., and it’s disappointing that I can’t perform for my American fans. . . all because I’m not ‘family friendly’ enough.

I have to wonder what led Stars on Ice to come up with that lame excuse for their blatantly homophobic decision. Certainly it didn’t have anything to do with Weir’s relationship with his own family, as GLAAD reports on its website:

To say that Weir is “not family friendly” would be a clear jab at his perceived sexual orientation. Weir is extremely involved with his family. He is putting his younger brother through college, and supports the family financially because his father’s disability prohibits him from working.

Yeah, that guy has no clue about family values.

Continue reading ‘Johnny Weir Too Gay for the Gayest Show on Ice’

15
Mar

Jennifer Aniston, Again With the Talking

Jennifer Aniston has a movie coming out this week with Gerard Butler, and you know what that means: It’s time for the semi-annual navel gaze.

She commanded the guest couch for both Good Morning America and Regis & Kelly this morning and blah blah blah’d about how hard it is to be the focus of so much media scrutiny:

When asked about the tabloid chatter, Aniston asked “what chatter? I hear about it, I don’t read it. You have to get better over time. You have to… build up a tough skin…. We work really hard on our jobs… you don’t want to be known as sort of a ‘tabloid face.’ That sort of distracts from what you do and what you work really hard at. Which is our movies… It’s almost like another job that you have not chosen to be a part of. It’s a soap opera that you do not sign up for.”

She may want to have a heart-to-heart with her publicist Stephen Huvane, then, because he’s been busting his ass for years to get her on the cover of as many magazines as humanly possible.

And to give credit where credit is due, Perez Hilton gets +1 for calling out Huvane as early as four years ago for all of the behind-the-curtain media orchestrating on behalf his megawatt client. When Aniston and Vince Vaughn walked away from the charade of their relationship in 2006, Huvane sent Perez an email saying he was “being mean” to Aniston in reporting on the break-up.

Continue reading ‘Jennifer Aniston, Again With the Talking’

15
Mar

Wahhh! No More Fame For Me!

Kate Moss isn’t sure why people are interested in her. I didn’t know they still were, but hey — I wrote about it. What? You wanna fight me?

The 36 year old model, who could easily pass for a 48 year old model complained….

I don’t like being famous. It encroaches on your life. A lot. In fact, I’ve no idea why people are so interested in me. [Ed: me neither] It makes me a bit uncomfortable talking about it actually.

It’s so terrible to be famous. I’m sure it was all she could do to avoid showing up last month to walk around at some Vogue thing in a fancy dress designed by Alexander McQueen (presumably while he wasn’t dead) for which some weirdo with too much money to spend would later pay £100,000.

The show was also filled with other “famous” British people no one else has ever heard of.

Last time I checked getting famous is hard, but not being famous is really easy. You just stop posing, right?

Honestly I hadn’t thought much about Kate Moss until I read ten minutes ago that she didn’t care for fame anymore. So whatever she’s doing to not be famous anymore, It’s working.

15
Mar

Sean Penn Wants You in Jail Too!

Look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn’t keep your kids away from a guy with a ’stache like that.

Noted off screen tough guy (who’s still two full inches shorter than my ex-girlfriend… just sayin’) and frequent beneficiary of the First Amendment, not only wants you to die of rectal cancer when you’re mean to him, but now he wants critics of his buddy Hugo Chavez imprisoned if they step out of line.

Every day, this elected leader is called a dictator here, and we just accept it, and accept it. And this is mainstream media, who should — truly, there should be a bar by which one goes to prison for these kinds of lies.

I think I should be allowed to punch aging, big mouthed midgets in the face when they annoy me (which is often), but I’m not so sure Sean would agree with that.

Maybe Mr. Penn should by himself a dictionary and look up just two words.

First word? Irony. He lives in a country that has a First Amendment that allows fellow diminutive “comedian” Bill Maher his own talk show (where this bout of verbal diarrhea made it’s appearance), so he can speak freely and say anything he wants without fear of being imprisoned, or shot.

And B, hypocrite.  I don’t know where I was going with this. I lost my place, and I figured I’d make people happy by throwing that word in there.

I can’t imagine what it would be like to be on set with this guy when he’s starring in a Clint Eastwood movie. It has to be awesome though. It must be like the time my grandfather was getting annoyed with the raccoons tearing up his garbage. After a few weeks the raccoon ends up in a little cage — my grandfather standing over it with a ludicrously over sized pistol in his hand, while a good looking guy with tears in his eyes tries to convince my grandfather to let him turn him loose in the woods…

What? I get hay fever.

15
Mar

Noted Humanitarian Wants You to Die

Sean Penn, the only Academy Award winner with Tyrannosaurus Rex-like vestigial arms, thinks critics of his grandstanding in Haiti are being mean to him.

But of course since he’s such a kind person,  and really, really cares about others, he takes it all in stride, and brushes off such comments like the adult that he is because he’s above all that.

Oh wait. No he doesn’t.

“Do I hope that those people die screaming of rectal cancer? Yeah,” he says.  “But I’m not going to spend a lot of energy on it.”

Yikes.  I’ve been known to be unkind to my fellow man once in a while, (no really!) But I wonder how Farrah Fawcett’s family reacted to that little crack. (No, that wasn’t a pun.) And would it then be hypocritical of me to wish a massive earthquake on Southern California that would destroy whatever area he lives in?

If it is, just send a tip into to Deceiver. I’ll write about it! And I’m just waiting to rip me a new one.

12
Mar

Mitt Romney: My Plan Is Nothing Like His Plan

Despite the widely acknowledged similarities between Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney’s 2006 health care “experiment” and President Obama’s proposed reforms, Romney wants to make it perfectly clear that the two plans are utterly and totally different. Got it? NOT THE SAME.

Equating the two is like comparing apples to oranges, dogs to cats, horses to, uh, donkeys. Wait, those two things are kind of similar. Oops!

On Fox News Sunday, Romney told host Chris Wallace that the difference between his plan and Obama’s is like:

. . . the difference between a racehorse and a donkey, if you will, so — they both have four legs, but one works pretty well and the other’s not working and would not work at all.

Ignoring for a moment the fact that this analogy is totally bass-ackwards (so to speak) — since, last time I checked, donkeys are far better suited to working than their speedy, spindly-legged cousins — the two things being compared are really not all that dissimilar. Kind of like Romneycare and Obamacare. Huh, imagine that.

But according to Romney, the two plans are really (he swears) totally different because one is a state plan, and the other is federal. As Romney explained to Wallace:

A big difference — a state plan versus a federal plan. No new taxes, unlike his plan. No cut in Medicare, unlike his plan. And no controls over insurance premiums, price controls, cost controls like his plan. So very, very different in that regard.

Let me explain a little something about our government here, Mittens. Governors work at the state level, and presidents at the federal level. So yeah, that would be one big difference between the two plans. A ridiculously obvious one, but a difference nevertheless.

Continue reading ‘Mitt Romney: My Plan Is Nothing Like His Plan’

12
Mar

Mel Gibson’s Baby Mama Attending Sunday School at His Church

Mel Gibson is in the process of building a huge 9,000 square foot chapel on his property in Agoura Hills, Calif., and his concubine Oksana is reportedly taking classes to learn the teachings of his ultra-conservative Catholic sect:

“This is Mel’s dream church and the center of his world,” an insider told the Enquirer. “He’s a devout traditionalist Catholic and views the chapel as his own house of worship where he can pray privately with family and friends.”

Oksana – who gave birth to Mel’s eighth child, daughter Lucia, on Oct. 30 – is taking catechism classes at the church, according to the insider.

“It’s important to Mel that he and Oksana are of the same faith,” the source added. “She’s learning the doctrines and traditions of his conservative sect.”

Gibson financed the chapel’s construction, and Lucia will soon be baptized there, said the insider.

The chapel’s crowning glory is the huge mural behind the altar.

“Mel handpicked an artist to paint a modern interpretation of the ascension of Christ,” said the insider. “He’s also commissioned someone to cast a bell for the church tower. Mel says he is more proud of his church than any of his other achievements.”

Do you suppose “thou shalt not turn your back on 29 years of marriage” is one of the teachings? Probably not.

Awesome LOLpic courtesy of Starcasm.net.

12
Mar

Madonna Pegged a ‘Relationship Expert’ on The Marriage Ref

Last night, Madonna appeared on Jerry Seinfeld’s new NBC show The Marriage Ref, a show where celebrities offer their commentary on how real-life couples should solve their marital squabbles. She told one wife not to withhold sex from her husband just because he wouldn’t clean the basement, and suggested to a widow that she get rid of her late husband’s prosthetic leg to spare the feelings of her new beau.

If you’d think to question why Her Madgesty would qualify to give anyone advice on marriage, you’d be wiser than the casting directors at NBC.

Madonna’s love life has been a well-chronicled series of public failures. From her first divorce in 1989 from Sean Penn to her 2009 divorce from Guy Ritchie, the woman has spent nary a minute not wrecking marriages over the past 25 years — her own or others’.

She seems to have a thing for baseball players: José Canseco says Madonna offered him money to leave his wife for her in 1991, and Alex Rodriguez’s wife left him in 2008 claiming Madonna was a homewrecker.

But this is a show by Jerry Seinfeld we’re talking about, a man who poached his wife from another man not three months after they returned from their honeymoon. Any real marriage referee would call foul on that one.

10
Mar

Anthony Bourdain’s Delicious Second Helping of Hypocrisy

Anthony Bourdain, the chain-smoking bad boy of the Travel Channel’s Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, has a few choice words for all you food bloggers out there: Just eat it.

Apparently, despite Bourdain making a fortune as well as a name for himself trotting all over the globe documenting and analyzing all manner of foodstuffs, there’s something really wrong with bloggers who do exactly the same thing — only with smaller cameras and thinner budgets.

Confused? Me too.

In last Monday’s episode of No Reservations, Bourdain tags along with several food fanatics/bloggers including eGullet’s Jason Perlow and Steven Shaw, and Opinionated About Dining’s Steven Plotnicki. Gawker’s Mike Byhoff reports:

[In the episode] Bourdain claims that these three men are so obsessed with food, it’s come to the point of disillusionment about what food actually means. And in the middle the interviews with the each blogger, they each took out their cameras to photograph the food. This is where Bourdain, for some reason, berated them. He voiced serious disapproval when it comes to taking pictures of their food for the purposes of posting those photos to their blog.

Now you’d think Bourdain would be able to appreciate the passion these fellow food-fixators have for their subject matter. After all, this guy is seriously food-obsessed. You’d have to be to subject yourself to consuming such unfathomable dishes as unwashed warthog rectum and fermented shark. Or crazy. Or on drugs. Or both.

But apparently while it’s cool for Bourdain to scrutinize the exotic cuisine of cultures around the world while his Travel Channel camera crew documents each and every delicious or disgusting bite, when food bloggers do it (with their little notebooks and digital cameras), the process is suddenly akin to “keeping a diary while having sex,” as he put it.

Continue reading ‘Anthony Bourdain’s Delicious Second Helping of Hypocrisy’

10
Mar

D.C. Councilman Blows Smoke Up Law’s Butt

Illinois may think it grows the country’s most corrupt politicians, but Washington, D.C. is giving them a run for their laundered money. The hometown of Marion “Bitch Set Me Up” Barry now has another shining star on the municipal government scene: Councilman Jack Evans.

In 2006, when D.C. banned smoking in bars and restaurants, Evans lent his voice and his vote in support of the measure. “D.C. is one step closer to becoming smoke free,” he published in his weekly newsletter at the time.

Yet on St. Patrick’s Day 2010, he’s trying to give his buddies a chance to smoke cigars at two charity events near and dear to Evans’s wallet heart:

Jack Evans (D-Ward 2) has asked his council colleagues to keep tradition alive for the all-male Society of the Friendly Sons of St. Patrick and another organization, Fight for Children, which hosts an annual smoke-filled professional boxing fundraiser.

Evans, who is a member of the Irish organization, said the measure was narrowly crafted, making an exception for only two nights a year and protecting workers by allowing venue employees to opt out of working the events.

But the rules are the rules, entirely because people like Evans voted to make them law. How do you like them apples?

H/T: Jacob Grier





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