14
May

Shotgun Bride Ashlee Simpson Calls Britney Spears ‘Trashy’

ashlee-simpson-trashy.jpgAshlee Simpson, who reportedly will be rushing down the aisle this weekend before she starts to show, was promoting her new album on British radio program The Nokia Green Room.

When asked what she thought the phrase “You’ve had one too many Britney Spears” meant, she replied:

“Oh, you’ve had one too many trashy girls!”

The slang phrase actually refers to getting drunk on beer.

Say what you will about Britney Spears, but at least she wasn’t hiding a baby bump under her Monique Lhuillier wedding gown. Or marrying Pete Wentz.

14
May

Beyoncé Launches Fug Fashion Line for Baby Hookers

dereon_girls_collection.jpgSo Beyoncé and her music are all about strong women and independence and girl power and whatnot, right?

Then it’s all kinds of wrong that the newest collection for her fashion line House of DerĂ©on makes little girls look like hookers.

Not kind of like hookers. Like actual, swear-to-god pint-size prostitutes.

I mean, WTF is up with the four-year-old in a pink boa and spike heels? Does a preschooler really need skintight pants?

It’s a terrible change in direction for the voice behind “Independent Women Part II” and the co-founder of the Knowles-Rowland Center for Youth.

And given all the rumors about BeyoncĂ©’s possible pregnancy, we better hope she doesn’t have a girl. I don’t even want to think about what the onesies will look like.

13
May

Jessica Alba’s Flexible Views on Sexuality

jessica_alba_kinda_naked.jpgSuper-knocked-up Jessica Alba talked to Allure magazine about her views on sexuality, her sexy image, sex before marriage, and how little she cares about sex sex sex.

On Her Steamy Public Image: “[Hollywood] always play[s] up your sexuality, because that’s what gets men into the theaters. And I never really gave a sh-t about all that stuff! It’s nothing to be ashamed of. But it is definitely not what I am about by any means!”

On Owning Her Sexuality: “I don’t think I was comfortable with my sexuality until I was an adult, probably, like, 22 – that’s when I stopped apologizing and stopped feeling ashamed. I did the Vagina Monologues in L.A. That made me proud.”

On Sex Before Marriage: “I never believed women had to be virgins when they got married, or that a woman has to fall in love with a guy just because they’re having sex. I don’t think sex is a big deal. I hated the hypocrisy of it. Men can do whatever, and it’s acceptable.”

A lot seems to have changed since October (pre-pregnancy) when she spoke of her Catholic upbringing:

“I will never do a nude scene in a movie — not ever. I can act sexy and I can wear sexy clothes but I can’t go naked. I think I was always very uncomfortable about the way my body developed.

“I come from a Catholic family and it wasn’t seen as good to flaunt yourself. I can handle being sexy with clothes on but not with them off.”

You know, for someone who wants to come across as laissez-faire, she sure talks in absolutes about sex a lot.

12
May

Hayden Panettiere’s Into Chicks? Since When?

hayden_gq.jpgHayden Panettiere seems to have determined that her squeaky-clean image has become too difficult to maintain.

So she’s decided to start her own rumors that she’s all over women.

The Sun investigates:

The 18-year-old — who plays indestructible Claire Bennet in the BBC2 sci-fi hit — has been dogged by rumours she is a lesbian.

She said: “That’s fine with me. If I’m going to be linked with someone, I could do an affair with Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba or Charlize Theron.

“And Kate Beckinsale is gorgeous. There are so many beautiful girls.”

I Don’t Like You In That Way calls bullcrap on that, and I have to agree. First of all, if all you had to do is simply announce that you’re having an affair with Angelina, I’m sure one of you would have figured that out already.

No, the only reason she’s obnoxiously propagating this titillating tidbit is that she wants you to picture her making out with women who are way, way hotter than she is, and hope it rubs off on her a little. It’s not working, right guys? Guys?

12
May

Heather Mills Is Not a Good Person

Heather Mills and Paul McCartney were granted a preliminary divorce by a British court today, bringing her one step closer to the $50 million smackers she rightfully earned by letting an aging pop star shoot her full of goo for a few years.

And how does she plan to spend that money? Probably not on Maria Rybkina. In 2004 Mills promised to buy prosthetics for Rybkina, a Russian single mother whose legs were cut off in a train accident when she was 5. According to News of the World, Mills contacted Robin and Inna Barratt, a British couple who’ve been trying to raise money to help Maria after meeting her when she was begging for change on the streets of Moscow. Back then Mills was all talk:

“Heather said she would personally get Maria some really good artificial legs, which would cost around ÂŁ5,000, and cosmesis — the silicone cosmetic covering — which would be another ÂŁ5,000.

“She promised she would also provide all the medical support needed to get her walking again. She told us that because her charity only helped victims of landmines, she would support Maria from her own personal finances.”

Mucca, 40, then met Maria in Moscow, during a visit to Russia with Sir Paul, who was playing a concert in St Petersburg.

Afterwards Mucca sent Robin an email saying: “I will pay for Maria’s costs agreed in advance and paid directly to the clinic. Please email me the price.” In another she said: “Email me costs individually and I’ll get money to you.”

Which never happened, because she’s Heather Mills. So, since the rich and (in)famous “philanthropist” can’t be bothered, the Barratts have been raising the money themselves. Visit Maria’s Story to learn more about her and to buy a book (UK only) about her life, or e-mail invazab@yahoo.com to make a PayPal donation. If anybody deserves it, Rybkina does. She’s had a tough enough life without being used for a photo op by some narcissistic sociopath.

Usually I try to cap off the post with something light — “Hey, Ol’ Beatle-Bilker should really hop to it and write a check already, LOL” — but this one is just too disgusting. It would be one thing if Mills had turned a blind eye, but this monster went out of her way to raise a struggling woman’s hopes with a lot of empty promises. Heather Mills is human scum.

12
May

Lindsay Lohan Denies Being Dropped From Manson Girls

lilo_manson_girls.jpgLindsay Lohan is peeved about all those reports that she got fired from Manson Girls, an upcoming movie about serial killer Charles Manson. According to her overworked publicist Leslie Sloane Zelnick:

“Unfortunately [Manson Girls] didn’t come together quickly enough, and she was offered other roles, which she accepted and is looking forward to doing.”

We’re supposed to believe that everybody is just banging down doors to work with this liability?

Not so much, says Nikki Finke over at Deadline Hollywood Daily.

But people associated with the movie told agents that Lohan quickly became more of a deficit than an asset when they discovered that they couldn’t find any name actresses who wanted to co-star with her. (And even some name actors…) So now Lindsay is off the pic — but not for the excuses being circulated. Let this be a lesson… Behaving badly may get you on the covers of celebrity-obsessed mags and tabloids. But Hollywood won’t tolerate your sh-t and shouldn’t.

A thousand amens.

10
May

Gordon Ramsay: “Eat Locally. Or Don’t. Just Buy My Overpriced Meals.”

gordo.jpgFrom “The Beeb” yesterday:

Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay says British restaurants should be fined if they serve fruit and vegetables which are not in season.

He told the BBC that fruit and vegetables should be locally-sourced and only on menus when in season.

Mr Ramsay said he had already spoken to Prime Minister Gordon Brown about outlawing out-of-season produce.

For serious foodies, this strikes a big nerve. The latest fashion among culinary snobs is the conceit of believing you’re a better person if everything you eat was grown less than 100 miles from your dinner table. (Tell that to the impoverished farmers in East Africa who depend on shipping veggies non grata to Europe. And the same goes for South Americans exporting produce to the United States.)

But back to my point. And I do have one. Provided nicely by The Independent today:

By making his comments, the chef, author and television presenter was laying down a marker of his personal food philosophy. But he also risked accusations of hypocrisy because he fails quite brazenly to practise what he preaches in his own restaurants, which serve food from thousands of miles away.

Yep. One eponymous Gordon Ramsay restaurant in New York City offers:

  • roasted Scottish langoustines and manilla clams [from the U.S. West coast]
  • Fillet of Wisconsin veal
  • braised Kobe short rib [from Japan]

And Gordo’s UK restaurant at Claridge’s serves Pacific halibut. Got a map?

Yes, yes, I know — Ramsay is talking mostly about produce, not protein. Well, another of his NYC eateries is currently cooking with avocados, limes, cucumbers, artichokes, asparagus, English peas, green beans, white radishes, granny smith apples, beetroots, lettuce, golden raisins, cauliflower, pears, tomatoes, olives, chickpeas, fava beans, black barley, porcini mushrooms, morel mushrooms, baby shiitake mushrooms, onions, almonds, Swiss chard, and celery root.

I’d bet a year’s salary that at least some of these items aren’t in season within a day’s drive of New York City. I have no idea which ones. And you know what? I don’t care. I like being able to eat a diversity of stuff no matter what month it is. It doesn’t bother me that an airplane flies my broccoli in from somewhere else. That plane was probably carrying FedEx packages for someone else anyway.

09
May

Dina Lohan, Top Mom and Parenting Sage

dina_calumbest_lindsay.jpgMaybe we’re beating a dead whore, but it seems to be fashionable this week for celebrity moms to give the Cyruses advice about how to raise their often-naked daughter.

Today’s advice comes from “Top Mom” Dina Lohan:

“I don’t know Miley’s mom, but you know, just stay strong and keep your head up. And she’s talented and stay focused. You know, and be her mom.”

Ways in which Dina Lohan acts like anybody’s mom: …

Ways in which Dina Lohan acts like a damn fool: take your pick.

You have truly set an example for the ages, Deens.

09
May

Mariah Carey Doesn’t Want Kids Because She Wants Kids

Mariah, April ‘08:

“It’s hard to have kids in this world,” she told OK! magazine. “I don’t think I could properly educate a child right now. Maybe in the future, but I actually haven’t thought about it…

“I never wanted to feel violated and I know that’s a kind of weird thing to say, but that’s how I am.”

Mariah, one month and one quickie wedding later:

Newlywed singer Mariah Carey has spoken for the first time about her “soul mate” and admitted she has changed her mind about starting a family.

The 38-year-old singer wed rapper/actor Nick Cannon, 27, at her private estate in the Bahamas on April 30th after a whirlwind six week romance…

The Hero singer said: “It’s (having children) part of the whole purpose of getting married.”

Alright, alright, I guess she’s allowed to change her mind. Who ever heard of an unfickle diva? It’s not like their marriage is even going to last 9 months, but let her have her little fantasies. What I really wanted to make fun of was this tidbit:

Speaking for the first time about their speedy marriage to American magazine People, Mariah revealed she had got a ‘Mrs. Cannon’ tattoo before the nuptials, with Nick getting a simple ‘Mariah’ etching.

Isn’t that perfect? They got matching tattoos, and they were both about Mariah! He should have gotten “I’m With Her,” and she should have gotten “He’s With Me.” I don’t wanna say she’s the one who wears the pants in the family, folks, but I just spotted him picking up some Pamprin and a Lady Bic. For himself. Wakka wakka.

(Hat tip to reader Erin Edmonds)

09
May

Dove’s Campaign for a Really Challenging Photoshop Job

dove_real_beauty.jpgA few weeks ago we called shenanigans on the Unilever-owned Dove’s Self-Esteem Fund (and before that, one of their save-the-children ads), but this is infinitely juicier.

Those underwear-clad “real women” in Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty ads? Photoshopped!

Pascal Dangin is the Michelangelo of retouching fashion photography. The New Yorker did a meaty profile of him in their latest issue:

[R]etouchers tend to practice semi-clandestinely. “It is known that everybody does it, but they protest,” Dangin said recently. “The people who complain about retouching are the first to say, ‘Get this thing off my arm.’ ” I mentioned the Dove ad campaign that proudly featured lumpier-than-usual “real women” in their undergarments. It turned out that it was a Dangin job. “Do you know how much retouching was on that?” he asked. “But it was great to do, a challenge, to keep everyone’s skin and faces showing the mileage but not looking unattractive.”

But the excuse from the ad company that developed the campaign for Dove wasn’t exactly convincing:

“We are unsure right now what he did,” the Ogilvy spokeswoman said.

Ooh, Unilever is firing somebody today.

Thanks to the ever-faithful and always-sexy reader Cassandra for the tip! 





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