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Archive for November 19th, 2007

19
Nov

Camels, Needle-Eyes, and Rolls-Royces

Creflo DollarSometime around 2,000 years ago, a particularly famous Jewish carpenter said that “it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” Now, whether you believe the speaker was divine or just a really, really quotable philosopher, you’d have to admit there’s something askew about a modern Christian minister bathing in gold coins like $crooge McDuck.

Meet the Reverend Creflo Dollar. Yes, that’s his real name. Derided as “Rev. Cashflo” by some detractors, his flamboyant lifestyle has attracted the attention of the United States Senate. Charles Grassley (R-Iowa) has asked Dollar and five other mega-church pastors to open their books, show how much they’re raking in, and justify all those income-tax deductions they’re handing out.

Whether it’s using a private jet, driving a Rolls-Royce or Bentley, or installing a $23,000 commode, there is obviously money going down the toilet. As a Christian myself, and a person who believes in tithing, I feel I have a right to know where my money goes. If a person gets a tax deduction for a donation, the deduction and donation should be for a legitimate purpose.

A $23,000 commode? Yes, apparently, one of Dollar’s Missouri colleagues does everything in style. And Grassley is taking notice:

Jesus came into the city of Jerusalem on a donkey. Do these ministers really need Bentleys and Rolls-Royces to spread the Gospel?

The Cashflo’ piggy bank?In response to the Senator’s request, Creflo Dollar recently released his church’s top-line financials. Last year his World Changers Church International collected $69 million from the faithful, but Dollar insists that he’s not exploiting his followers for personal financial gain.

And Grassley’s question about twin Rolls-Royces that Dollar and his wife reportedly drive? CBS News got the straight dope from the good Reverend:

That’s not true. First of all, we don’t have two Rolls-Royces. And secondly, the one Rolls-Royce that was purchased was purchased by the donors, or the members of the church, and it was a surprise to me. I had no idea they were doing it.

Whew! That’s a relief. I was beginning to suspect that Creflo Dollar’s church bought him a $300,000 car. But it was just the members of the church, who chose to buy him the car instead of laundering the money through the collection plate. I guess that makes it okay.

19
Nov

Senator David Vitter, Bayou Hypocrite

With the U.S. political scandal sheets dominated by presidential hopefuls (and the “Is she or isn’t she” buzz), who has time to raise a stink about Senator David Vitter? The Washington Post. And me.

http://img178.imageshack.us/img178/9743/vitterinsidewt5.jpg

Vitter, who ran for office on a “family values” platform, was more recently “outed” as a long-time client of prostitutes in his native New Orleans and in DC. And now he’s ducking public appearances since the noted “madam” Deborah Jean Palfrey has subpoenaed his testimony.

Personal declaration: I was born in a big, urban city on the proverbial “wrong side of the tracks” (Read: Democrat), then force-fed through 13 years of Catholic school (Republican). I went to college in New England (Democrat), then found God (Republican). I tried a career in the Arts (Democrat), and then got a real job and started paying taxes (Republican). I got married to a woman who, well, would charitably be described as an unreconstructed hippie (Democrat), and then we started having children and thinking beyond next Tuesday (Republican).

I think most Americans are at least as Politically confused as I am. But we all recognize a phony when we see one.

David Vitter: Big-time Washington faker. Phony. Hypocrite. Deceiver.

My wife is shocked. Really.

 

19
Nov

Clearing the Dairy Air

Via London’s Daily Mail, guess who has an opinion about how you should live your life?

Heather Mills launched another extraordinary tirade in public today, urging people to drink rat’s milk to save the planet.

During the rant at Speakers’ Corner in Hyde Park, the former model said eating meat and dairy was destroying the earth …

Heather suggested there were better alternatives to cow’s milk lattes: “Why don’t we drink rat’s milk or cat’s milk or dog’s milk?”

limp
Mills arrived for her milk-is-killing-the-planet spiel in a petrol-guzzling SUV, naturally. Not to mention posing for pictures so she can be in the newspapers, which are printed on something called paper. Which doesn’t exactly grow on trees, sweetie! Wait a minute. Well… you know what I mean. But before you dismiss Heather as some kind of tone-deaf nut, keep in mind that she’s something of an expert on alternative sources of sustenance. After all, for the last five years she’s survived — thrived! — by milking a single Beatle. Update: Mills reportedly left her SUV’s engine running while agitating against climate change. You can’t make this stuff up.

19
Nov

Jay-Z Puts I Before €

jayz.jpg

Can you profess to be an American Gangster if you buy your Cristal with foreign currency? In the video for Jay-Z’s new single “Blue Magic,” the hip-hop superstar flashes a wad of €500 notes during a night out — in New York. I guess the strippers at Scores can tell the difference between Monopoly money and Euros.

19
Nov

Meta Hypocrisy: Kid Rock Hates Hypocrites, Is One

281x211.jpgKid Rock tells Maxim that he’s sick of stars who pretend they’re tired of all the media attention, and calls out celebrities who notify the paparazzi of where they’re going to party:

“Anytime somebody complains about being in the tabloids, it’s bulls–t. ‘How do I keep getting caught on camera?’ Maybe because you f–king called them?”

Kid also said that his fight with Tommy Lee at the Video Music Awards was orchestrated by the award show’s organizers, who wanted to start some drama between the two former Mr. Pamela Andersons. However, that didn’t stop him from capitalizing on the attention:

Ultimately, Rock said it wasn’t hard to find a silver lining to the VMA tussle — it gave him loads of publicity and helped him promote the new album, which he called his “best effort to date.”

“I hope it fills a void that seems to be missing from music — and that’s the great classic American rock record,” Rock said.

19
Nov

Bob’s Yer Stepdad

see you next teusdayBob Geldof is the legal guardian of the late Michael Hutchence’s 11-year-old daughter, Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily Hutchence. Now, on the 10th anniversary of her real dad’s suicide, Geldof is legally changing her name to Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily Geldof. That’s much less silly, isn’t it?

But that’s not why he’s Deceiver-worthy. Check out what Michael’s sister Tina Hutchence has to say about Sir Bob, per Holy Moly:

“None of the rest of us have seen Tiger, only my mother, and that was with the nanny. In seven years he’s given my mother just four days of supervised visits,” she told Australian magazine New Idea, before saving the best for last.

“And the interesting thing is Bob Geldof is patron of a charity called Grandparents Apart — a charity for grandparents who don’t get to see their grandchildren.”

Does she know it’s Grandma’s Day at all?

19
Nov

A Deceiver Two-Fer, uh, Two-Fur…

I’m not sure who the bigger hypocrite in this story is. Burlesque star Dita Von Teese posed in her skivvies for a PETA ad about spaying and neutering pets.

Dita for PETA

Big deal? Well, Dita’s act includes fur garments (a big PETA no-no). And PETA people apparently kill boatloads of animals themselves. (Who knew?)

So a publicity-starved, fur-wearing camera whore fronts for an anti-fur group. And a publicity-starved animal rights group puts her on an ad about puppies and kittens, even though they secretly kill them.

 

Dita in full-length fur Dita in fur 2 Dita in fur 3

Here’s Dita in her own words, writing in her book Fetish and the Art of the Teese:

Who wouldn’t love an opportunity to don a cuff of mink given them as a gift, or to wrap a luscious stole of fox around her shoulders on a chilly day? (I guess there are some people out there that wouldn’t want to, but I am definitely not one of them!) Silks, satins, furs — I have crowded rooms of such sumptuous materials — are decadent. I’ve always loved these materials for their softness, their beauty, and the added luster of femininity they bestow upon me when I wear them.

That’s Dita Von Teese, PETA spokeswoman. I need an aspirin.

 

19
Nov

Bad Santa: NBC Axes SNL Staff

saturday-night-live-timberlake27.jpg

NBC has promised the production staffers for The Tonight Show With Jay Leno and Late Night With Conan O’Brien that they will continue paying them as the screenwriters’ strike continues.

But it seems their generosity doesn’t stretch to all late-night shows: They’ve laid off almost the entire production staff on Saturday Night Live – without notice or severance. And we’re not talking about the highly paid actors here: These are the little guys who rig the lighting and hold up the boom mics. Happy Thanksgiving!




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