Mischa Barton was scheduled last night to host a party at CatHouse, a new Vegas club in the Luxor Hotel and Casino. Immediately after her arrest, the club changed its mind about using Hollywood’s newest DUI scandal to promote, well, drinking. Said the club in an official statement:
“Because of the media attention currently surrounding Mischa Barton, CatHouse has decided it is best for all parties involved that Mischa does not appear at tonight’s grand opening. Mischa will not be replaced as host, however VIP guests confirmed to celebrate the highly anticipated ‘loungerie’ opening include Adrien Brody, Jaime King, Jordana Brewster, Michelle Trachtenburg and Jack Osbourne, among others.”
But according to a PR guy for CatHouse, it seems now they’ve changed their mind:
“Mischa did not show up last night as expected,” the rep said. “She still has to honor her contract, and what happens next remains to be seen.”
To me, it sounds like she’s fulfilled her obligations. At least I know I never would have heard of CatHouse had Mischa not been arrested, and what club doesn’t want to be associated with irresponsible drinking and drug use?
Macy’s is closing a bunch of stores because nobody shops offline anymore, but the company blew $100 million on a holiday ad starring Jessica Simpson and Martha Stewart.
Macy’s paid millions for Jessica Simpson, really? Nobody pays that much for Jessica Simpson anymore. You can find her in the bargain bin at Dollar General, right next to her incredibly painful stripper shoes.
With all the hype in American football surrounding the New England Patriots’ epic perfect season (soon to be memorialized, I’m sure, in a Disney movie), it’s easy to lose sight of all the other big stories in the National Football League. Here’s one begging for scorn.
Bill “Big Tuna” Parcells, an NFL coach of no small import, agreed this week to take on the job of Executive Vice President of Football Operations for the woeful Miami Dolphins. How bad are the dolphins? The team posted just 1 win this year, and 15 losses. The last team to do what the Patriots have accomplished this year (a perfect season) was the 1972 Miami squad. Last time I checked, the veterans from that year were switching their arm bands and pretending they lived in Boston.
So here’s what the new head guy in Miami has to say about his plans for the team:
“I’m interested in good character people. I don’t want thugs and hoodlums on the team. I don’t want bad character guys. I don’t want problem children … I want to get a good base, good character people that are dependable, reliable employees that come to work with the idea of trying to win football games for the Miami Dolphins.”
Funny — Last time I checked, Parcells owed his two Super Bowl rings to the on-field talents of social misfits and thugs like Lawrence Taylor. Remember him? The superstar Pro Bowl linebacker who admitted to snorting coke as early as his second pro season? The guy who played games while high on crack and bottled his teammates’ urine to beat drug tests?
Yeah — “good character” people help you get ahead in the NFL.
Prediction: Next year at least two Dolphins will have highly publicized drug problems. One will be arrested on firearms charges. Parcells will keep his eye on the scoreboard.
Of course, I could be wrong. Give back the rings, Bill, and all will be forgiven.
Hat tip: New York Daily News
Amy Winehouse, who has spent weeks reportedly distraught over her husband’s jail time, has said she’s convinced Blake Fielder-Civil will be cleared of all charges (including assault of a pub owner and obstruction of justice when he offered said pub owner money to dismiss the charges and leave the country).
So she’s showing her support by…partying in Barbados:
“Amy has been desperate to escape England and forget about her troubles for the past couple of months,” said a friend.
“But she didn’t want Blake to feel any more alone or abandoned than he already does so she’s waited as long as possible before booking anywhere.”
How sensitive of her. She canceled her tour and threatened suicide over his imprisonment, but when it comes down to it, all that wallowing really looks like posturing. At least when compared to letting him sit in jail while she spends £6,000 on a first-class ticket to the Caribbean to enjoy New Year’s Eve on white sand with round after round of fruity drinks.
By the way, Blake faces a maximum sentence of life imprisonment if he’s found guilty.
Lindsay Lohan’s dad Michael has some advice for the Spears family, which is almost as laughable as Lynne Spears’s parenting book:
“Stand together,” he insisted. “Stand by each other and don’t let anyone come between you.”
You mean, like a restraining order or jail time? The former, by the way, was sought by his family due to a history of abuse and his violent temper. And he ignored it completely, which I suppose means he followed his own advice.
Conveniently, Papa Lohan found God in prison, which totally negates all those times when he drove drunk and assaulted his brothers-in-law. This man is a role model for us all, nipple-revealing shirt in particular.
Child-rearing is my main interest now. I’m a hands-on father. –Sean Penn
I like to believe that love is a reciprocal thing, that it can’t really be felt, truly, by one. –Sean Penn
Marriage ain’t easy, but it’s great most of the time. –Sean Penn
The bottom line is, you love your wife, you do your best with that. –Sean Penn
“Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn Divorcing” –People Magazine
Mischa Barton was pulled over last night for driving all over the road, and now she’s sitting in jail for drunk driving, possession of narcotics, and driving with a suspended license.
This can’t be all that surprising given the pesky pot-smoking rumors that routinely pop up about the 21-year-old starlet, but the late great Marissa Cooper told Elle UK last summer that she’s not like the other bad girls of Beverly Hills:
In the article, Mischa talks about her rise to fame and what it means to be grouped with the likes of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, saying, “It is a persona. It’s not me. I think, ‘Who the hell is that girl?’ I’m so low-key and chilled. But the media has created a fake ‘Young Hollywood’ where everyone hangs out together and everybody knows each other. It couldn’t be further from the truth. I feel so, so different from those girls.”
“Chilled” sounds close to the truth, actually. But the tabloid readership of America faces a looming problem: It seems that all of Young Hollywood is going to be behind bars within a few months. B-list celebrities are already rising to the challenge. My 2008 predictions for the drunk tank: Tara Reid, Hayden Panettiere, Hilary Duff.
Say what you want about Page Six, but they’re close readers of celeb quotes. You’ve heard about the controversy over Will Smith’s remarks about Hitler, right? Here’s what he told Scotland’s Daily Record:
“Even Hitler didn’t wake up going, ‘Let me do the most evil thing I can do today. I think he woke up in the morning and using a twisted backwards logic, he set out to do what he thought was good. Stuff like that just needs reprogramming.”
Now, some people have been trying to twist this into “Will Smith likes Hitler” or “The Fresh Prince thinks Hitler was a good person.” No, he’s just saying that nobody sees himself as the villain of his own story, not even Hitler. That doesn’t mean Hitler was right, or that he was a good person; just that he thought he was. This is not exactly the most original or controversial stance in the history of the world, unless of course it’s expressed by a top box office draw.
But the really interesting thing, the part that Page Six picks up on, is Smith’s use of the word “reprogramming.” That’s what Scientology is all about. Scientologists have to go through repeated reprogramming sessions (they call it “auditing,” but here on Earth it’s known as brainwashing) until they achieve a state of “clear.” You know, like Tom Cruise and John Travolta. Those guys are “clear.” They’re also incredibly wealthy and famous, but that’s probably just a coincidence.
So, the fact that Will Smith is one of the biggest movie stars in the world and is being recruited befriended by Cruise has nothing to do with Smith throwing around Scientology lingo like it ain’t no thang. Just because they’ve got him to the point where he thinks the Holocaust could have been avoided if Hitler had been a Scientologist, that doesn’t mean they’ve got their hooks in him. Right?
All of which is my long-winded way of asking, once again: Has anybody checked on Will Smith’s grandma lately?
Nothing says “feminism” like teasing the single Spice Girl. The four paired-off performers picked on Geri Hallwell for not having a boyfriend during a taping of Strictly Come Dancing, which is a British version of Dancing With the Stars, as best I can tell. It went something like this:
Mel B yelled: “Are there any good-looking single blokes for Geri? We have to get her a boyfriend.”
Emma Bunton added: “He has to have a job.” Mel C asked: “Do we care about gender this week, Geri?”
Then Posh screeched: “Beggars can’t be choosers, Geri.”
Yes, Posh, we all know you’re married to the hottest man in the Northern Hemisphere. But since when did “Girl Power” depend on having a boy?
“We’re so in America’s back pocket it’s embarrassing.” — Cate Blanchett whining to the Guardian last October about the government of her home country, Australia
What is it about Australian actresses who derive most of their income from American movies that makes them say such stupid, hypocritical things? (See Toni Collette.) They make movies in Australia, right? She should just stay there, if we’re so horrible. I guess she’s infiltrated the American film industry to try to pry Australia apart from the inside. Oh wait, and also it pays lots and lots and lots of money.
On the other hand, she sure is pretty.
(Hat Tip: Tim Blair)
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