Standing just feet away from a spread of creamed corn, fried chicken, and mac and cheese, presidential candidate Fred Thompson (I keep having to remind myself not to call him Arthur Branch) said educating people to eat healthier is not part of his proposed solution to the obesity epidemic:
“I’m telling you, I don’t think that it’s the primary responsibility of the federal government to tell you what to eat,” Thompson said to applause when asked if his health care plan included any details on preventative care, a priority for Democratic candidates.
No, that’s his wife’s job — she’s put him on a mandatory diet. This may be the first case of “do as I do, not as I say” from a politician yet!
Right, b/c a man’s wife and the federal government have the same function in our nation.
That’s clearly the most moronic thing I have heard from you left-tards.
Fred Thompson washes down his morning steak and eggs with a big mug of jet fuel.
When Fred Thompson found out a Senator had added pork to a bill, Fred Thompson ripped off the man’s leg and beat him with it. The leg was later returned to the Senator as part of a bi-partisan compromise.
Fred Thompson plans to make it an allowable interrogation technique to rip out a terrorists spine and beat him with it.
What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object? Fred Thompson appears out of nowhere and beats the crap out of both of them.
You can safely view Fred Thompson using a shoe box with a pin-sized hole in one end.
UNVERIFIED FRED THOMPSON FACTS
* Fred Thompson never has to stop at a traffic light because of a Homeland Security directive requiring all lights to turn green whenever he approaches.
* Fred Thompson eats shotgun shells for breakfast and craps 44 magnum bullets in the afternoon.
* Does a bear @#$% in the woods? Only with signed notarized permission in triplicate from Fred Thompson.
* When Fred Thompson empties his pistol at the firing range, it reloads itself out of respect.
I’m starting to think some things said about Fred Thompson are actually urban legends.
* When Fred Thompson gave blood in Alaska, it fulfilled the Red Cross’s entire quota for 6 months.
* Fred Thompson uses a .357 Magnum as a remote control.
* Fred Thompson’s carbon footprint is the size of the Yukon.
* Fred Thompson once opened a stuck jar of pickles by winking at it.
* Nuclear reactor coolant fills Fred Thompson’s hot tub.
* Fred Thompson flosses his teeth with a straight razor.
* Fred Thompson uses a machine gun as a back scratcher.
* If you play Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” backwards, you will hear Fred Thompson loading his shotgun.
* Waldo is hiding because of Fred Thompson.
* The Ultimate Fighting Championship is based on Fred Thompson’s playground history.
* Fred Thompson reheats leftovers by staring at them.
* Fred Thompson uses high octane gasoline as mouthwash.
* Fred Thompson can see the American flag on the moon.
* Fred Thompson can throw a 95-mph fastball — with his foot.
* Fred Thompson uses the St. Louis Arch as a hand exerciser.
* Fred Thompson’s steely glare will soften steel.
* Fred Thompson’s gravely voice will often start brush fires.
* Fred Thompson runs a 4 minute mile in 42 seconds.
* Any stop signal that turns red when Fred Thompson approaches is immediately sent to the factory for reprogramming.
* When Fred Thompson goes fishing, fish swim to the dock and volunteer to fill his limit.
* Tides flow in and tides flow out unless Fred Thompson wants to take his kids to the beach.
* Harry Reid insulted Fred Thompson and was instantly transformed into a one dimensional cartoon cutout poster.
* A Homeland Security directive requires all Airlines to keep a First class seat available to every city in the United States just in case Fred Thompson wants to go there.
* Abraham Lincoln once said, “You can fool some of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can never fool Fred Thompson.”