X17online’s interview with Parker’s (alleged) mistress, Alexandra Paressant, is fantastic. Remember how he told the press that having children with Eva Longoria would be better than his NBA titles? Well…

Alex asked him if he wanted kids with Eva, he answered, “Certainly not for now.”

She also described one of her (alleged) trips to San Antonio to hook up with him:

“We had room service. He said that Eva sexually speaking does not want to do certain things. She do not want to make love in front of a mirror, does not like certain position and thinks that sperm gives acne,” Alexandra told X17online.

Well, it all depends on how you apply it. And if you leave it in the container, then the container gets acne. Or do you get acne if you dispense it too much? I can’t really remember; it’s been a while since junior high.

P.S. Here’s what Parker and Longoria tell people. I mean, tell People:

“I love my wife,” Parker said in a statement… “She’s the best thing in my life, and I have never been happier.” Longoria, who took Parker’s name this year after their July nuptials, added, “Tony has been nothing short of the perfect husband.”

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