How do you go from seven Cy Young awards and a spot on the “All-Century” Major League baseball team to a locker-room punchline? Make human growth hormone a part of your training regimen. And get caught.

Roger “The Rocket” Clemens is probably the best known current player to be beaned by last week’s Mitchell Report about performance-enhancing drugs in baseball. The report mentions Clemens no fewer than 82 times (only Barry Bonds got more ink) which could be enough to keep him out of the Hall of Fame.

As the pitching great’s non-denial denials lose potency over time, keep January 12 on your calendar. That’s the date Clemens is scheduled to give a speech at the convention of the Texas High School Baseball Coaches Association.

The speech is titled “My Vigorous Workout: How I Played So Long.” I’m not making that up.

Clemens may lose that slot as early as tomorrow, however, as the group will meet then to decide whether to let a drug-induced All Star lie through his teeth to little kids.

The Coaches Association’s website currently includes no trace of Clemens, but the Internet has a long memory. Here’s a PDF of Google’s cache, complete with Clemens’ name misspelled, from a week ago.

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