With all the hype in American football surrounding the New England Patriots’ epic perfect season (soon to be memorialized, I’m sure, in a Disney movie), it’s easy to lose sight of all the other big stories in the National Football League. Here’s one begging for scorn.

Bill “Big Tuna” Parcells, an NFL coach of no small import, agreed this week to take on the job of Executive Vice President of Football Operations for the woeful Miami Dolphins. How bad are the dolphins? The team posted just 1 win this year, and 15 losses. The last team to do what the Patriots have accomplished this year (a perfect season) was the 1972 Miami squad. Last time I checked, the veterans from that year were switching their arm bands and pretending they lived in Boston.

So here’s what the new head guy in Miami has to say about his plans for the team:

“I’m interested in good character people. I don’t want thugs and hoodlums on the team. I don’t want bad character guys. I don’t want problem children … I want to get a good base, good character people that are dependable, reliable employees that come to work with the idea of trying to win football games for the Miami Dolphins.”

Funny — Last time I checked, Parcells owed his two Super Bowl rings to the on-field talents of social misfits and thugs like Lawrence Taylor. Remember him? The superstar Pro Bowl linebacker who admitted to snorting coke as early as his second pro season? The guy who played games while high on crack and bottled his teammates’ urine to beat drug tests?

Yeah — “good character” people help you get ahead in the NFL.

Prediction: Next year at least two Dolphins will have highly publicized drug problems. One will be arrested on firearms charges. Parcells will keep his eye on the scoreboard.

Of course, I could be wrong. Give back the rings, Bill, and all will be forgiven.

Hat tip: New York Daily News