David Cross on Jim Belushi:

He’s one of those guys that any real man can’t help but idolize. He’s living the life. He does it — he’s pure. Whenever you see a guy in a commercial high-fiving with a beer in his hand, watching the sports game — that’s like a fake version of Jim Belushi. He’s the real deal. He’s the shit.

David Cross on Larry the Cable Guy:

He’s good at what he does. It’s a lot of anti-gay, racist humor — which people like in America — all couched in “I’m telling it like it is.” He’s in the right place at the right time for that gee-shucks, proud-to-be-a-redneck, I’m-just-a-straight-shooter-multimillionaire
-in-cutoff-flannel, selling-ring tones-act. That’s where we are as a nation now. We’re in a state of vague American values and anti-intellectual pride.

David Cross on David Cross:

I’ve internally debated the merits of addressing my appearance in, (and thus tacit condoning of) “Alvin and The Chipmunks.” I am not stupid nor unobservant. I knew going into this movie that I would be eating a lot of delicious shit for it. Usually I wouldn’t give a shit about what everyone’s feelings are about it, but I wasn’t prepared for the level, or amount I should say, of vitriol that’s been flung about like so much monkey poo.

Cross goes on and on and on about his latest project and why you shouldn’t make fun of him for it, but here’s a quick summary of his self-justifications reasons:

1. It’s a movie for kids, so who cares.
2. He didn’t grow up with Alvin and the Chipmunks.
3. He hadn’t worked in 6 months.
4. If he hadn’t done it, some other “non-traditional funny guy” would have. Plus, only he, David Cross, could counteract how much Jason Lee sucks.
5. He wanted to buy a cottage in upstate NY. (”I asked the owner if he’d take some of my credibility as payment. He looked at me as if I was an alien with A.I.D.S. speaking some intergalactic gobbledy-goo.” Ha ha! Oh, that David Cross.)
6. “Also, the NY Times called me ‘delightfully scene stealing’ so suck it!”

I think what David Cross is saying here is that it’s okay for him to do the same kind of stuff as the people he doesn’t like, because when he does it it’s different. They’re sellouts who are ruining America, whereas he’s a sellout who’s ruining America ironically. It’s called satire, you rubes! Plus he’s a hyperverbal nerd, so if you don’t agree with him you’re dumb.