Hey, American Idol fans! Don’t you love how the show plucks, er, plucky unknowns from the depths of obscurity and gives them a chance to live out their dreams of pop stardom? You do? I was hoping you’d say no. Well, in that case, you may or may not know that this year’s crop of callow crooners is actually full of ringers!

Carly Smithson: This ink-imbedded Irishwoman landed a recording contract with MCA Records at the tender age of 16, but her 2001 debut album, Ultimate High, sold a mere 378 copies. Here she is, as Carly Hennessey, performing her massive worldwide non-hit, “I’m Gonna Blow Your Mind”:

Somehow I don’t think she’ll be performing that one on Idol! Oh, and according to votefortheworst.com (which is to American Idol what Robin Hood was to Sherwood Forest), Randy Jackson was working as an A&R guy at MCA when her record came out. Care to comment, dawg?

Michael Johns: Performing as Michael Lee, Australian-born Johns was the lead singer for a band called The Rising. They were signed to Maverick Records but were dropped before they released an album. This might give you an idea why:

Blandtastic!

Kristy Lee Cook: As Kristy Lee, then-17-year-old Cook signed with Arista Nashville and Superstar Spears (Britney’s production company) in 2001. As for how successful her record was, how should I know? It’s country music.

So if your music career doesn’t take off, just audition for Idol and maybe nobody’ll notice that you’re sneaking back in. They should change the name of the show to Second Chance. Or Recycled Idol. Or maybe You’ll Watch Anything, America!