Scientists have recently discovered a newly evolved part of the human brain that’s exclusively devoted to storing news about the Lohan family. It’s called “The Mindfill.” It’s like a landfill, except more disgusting and less likely to contain anything useful. So let’s fill it up!

You know about the E! network enabling this miserable family’s dysfunction with the upcoming reality show Living Lohan, which will follow Dina’s enthusiastic attempts to destroy the lives of her remaining children. And you’ve probably heard that their dad Michael doesn’t like the idea. Well, according to Page Six:

Lindsay’s Bible-thumping father has slammed his ex-wife, Dina, for her reality show “Living Lohan,” in which she features their youngest daughter, Ali. But it turns out he’s got his own show he’s trying to sell. “He wants to do a male version of ‘The View’ with [fellow born-again pal] Stephen Baldwin. It’s not likely to happen.”

Hmmmm, a male version of The View with Michael Lohan and Stephen Baldwin… how about calling it Seein’ Double?

Hey, the guy’s gotta make a living. Living Lohan is probably why E! scuttled Michael’s own reality show (which he denies pursuing), but you can still watch the jaw-dropping pitch tape on Youtube:

There comes that time in every father’s life when he thinks to himself: “And I thought my mugshot looked bad…”

And yes, apparently Hookers for Jesus is real. (Don’t you remember the miracle of the loaves and implants?) That explains what Michael has been doing in the strip clubs: using his position as a missionary! Er, wait… Anyway, if Mike needs any help, I hear Eliot Spitzer is looking for a job.