According to Cele|bitchy (which is a great blog but always annoys me whenever I write about it, because I have to look around on my keyboard for the “|” symbol), professional unprofessional Steve-O is hitting back at the National Enquirer for saying he’s a drug-addled girl-groper. He’s only drug-addled, he says on his Myspace blog:

The stories that are circulating right now about me being at some party hitting on random girls and asking to snort drugs from their breasts are not true at all. I will be the first to admit that I’ve snorted all kinds of drugs, in all sorts of situations, but I take offense to claims that I was running around hitting on random women at a time when I was under the impression that I was engaged to be married. I know many of you who are in receipt of this message from me work in the media, and I would greatly appreciate it if you would squash this dishonest journalism. These stories are so untrue, they place me at a party hitting on women when I was locked up in the looney bin.

As excuses go, “I could not have made a debauched public spectacle of myself because I was in a mental institution” is a pretty good one.

Apparently the Enquirer story is accompanied by a picture of him snorting coke off a girl’s leg. So that was just a one-time thing, apparently. What’s he supposed to do, let some helpless young lady walk around with drugs all over her? “Excuse me, miss, I couldn’t help but notice you’ve spilled a bit of cocaine on your leg. May I remove it for you?” It is highly irresponsible to make assumptions about someone of Steve-O’s high moral caliber based on such a selfless act.

Oh, and it was before he got engaged, of course! Get it right.

Seriously, though, if he lives to see 40, maybe he can write a book. He seems like a pretty good writer when he’s not defiling himself. (Kind of like Mick Foley, without the restraint and sense of self-preservation.) I can’t seem to find it at the moment, but I liked the letter he wrote in response to his infamous 2006 appearance on some cruddy Adam Carolla talk show. A true meeting of the minds. (WARNING: Adult language and general Steve-Osity)

P.S. That letter I was talking about is here. (Thanks to Deceiver reader Heather Nelson!) It’s what he calls a “suicide note,” trying to provoke various rappers into shooting him so he doesn’t grow old. He wants to go out in his rectal-bottle-rocket prime.