Shrek, Shrek 2, Shrek 3… Dreamgirls quickly followed by Norbit… And IMDb now reports a Shrek 4 as the cherry on top.
They’re all so banal. So bourgeois. There’s no integrity in blockbusters. Eddie Murphy, how do you feel about it?
“Thirty years and I have close to 50 movies and it is like, `Why am I in the movies? I’ve done that part now.’
“I’ll go back to the stage and do stand-up.â€
Good plan. A return to his roots.
Just as soon as he finishes Beverly Hills Cop 4: Electric Boogaloo:
“The third one was horrible, so I didn’t want to do another one.â€
“It wasn’t ready to be done and they [the producers] wrote some sh-t down on paper and I said, ‘Is this your phone number?’ and they said, ‘This is how much we’re going to pay you.’
“I said, ‘Let’s go shoot it! I don’t care if the script ain’t right.’â€
Every Donkey has a price.
The reviews are coming in for superhero popcorn flick Hancock, and it’s not looking pretty.
Which would make it the first Will Smith vehicle opening for the Fourth of July weekend to not make everyone involved a zillion dollars.
Hmm. So what’s changed?
Could it be that Will has been tainted by his alleged association with Scientology? War of the Worlds wasn’t exactly a smash hit, and it came out right after Tom Cruise’s infamous couch jumping. And we all remember Battlefield: Earth (or more precisely, we remember hearing how bad it was from the dozen people who saw it).
So despite plenty of evidence to the contrary, Will has maintained that he is not a Scientologist. The latest denial (conveniently timed, no?) comes from that school he donated to in May, which now swears that they are secular.
I have to say, it’s a start. Let’s all hope Hancock bombs and Will’s soul — and not his thetans — will be saved.
At this point it’s almost redundant to go into it, but Sting still isn’t setting a good example on the WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE FROM GLOBAL WARMING!!! front. According to the Daily Mail, he’s still private-jetting around like there’s no tomorrow:
The Police front man, who has long been a campaigner on environmental issues, was spotted disembarking from the plane alone at Leipzig airport. He was then bussed into the city centre to perform with the rest of the band on Saturday.
Sting, aka Gordon Sumner, then flew home yesterday to perform The Police’s last ever concert in the UK at London’s Hyde Park Calling festival, although it is not known if he returned alone.
That’s two private jet flights in one day. You’d think after the Police were declared the “dirtiest band in the world” (and not in a good way) and Sting got up onstage at Live Earth and vowed to reduce his carbon footprint, he might make more of an effort. Think of the rainforest, Gordon!
Or maybe he is making an effort. Maybe he used to burn big piles of semi-truck tires and polar bear corpses just to watch the pretty colors. So he’s not doing that anymore. We should take that into consideration.
(Hat tip to Deceiver reader Ashley)
P.S. Alternate headline: Sting Walks on Moon, Flies Everywhere Else
Pam is not happy with Jessica! Drawing upon the full extent of her rhetorical prowess, Ol’ Hep-Face had this to say about the younger blonde bombshell, according to The Sun:
Jessica upset Pammi and all her vegetarian chums by wearing a T-shirt proclaiming: “Real girls eat meat.”
But now the former Baywatch babe has hit back with a spectacular insult.
Speaking on radio in Australia — where she’s waiting to go into the Big Brother house — the star slammed her rival buxom blonde.
Pammi blasted: “I think she is a bitch and whore.”
Which is kind of like Stevie Wonder saying Ray Charles was a crappy painter. The desiccated diva also babbled about how great it is to be a vegetarian:
She added that she is proud of not eating meat, saying: “I think it’s healthy, good for your body and good for the environment.”
Of course, if a few animals have to die to give her a big purse or comfy car seats, what’s the big deal? And so what if she served meat at her wedding reception. (Which wedding reception, you ask? Who can keep track?)
The audio from that Australian radio show is here, but it keeps locking up my browser. Let me know if you can get it to work. Maybe it’s for Australians only, like Yahoo Serious.
I enjoy a good “told ya so” a great deal more than most people would admit.
So it’s with malicious glee that I present to you Steven Tyler, finally telling the truth about why he went to rehab:
“To have your feet done, to have your leg done, you have to be on narcotics,” Tyler told The Associated Press on Friday. “You have to be on sleep aids at night. I don’t know about Joe (Perry) but I was off and running and I didn’t like the me that was me… This was a month ago, so I just put the brakes on and checked into detox and just pulled the plug on all of it.”
I knew that whole “wah, my feet hurt” excuse was a total fabrication.
Nyah, nyah, nyah.
Hey, if she wants everybody to stop watching Desperate Housewives, I’m way ahead of her.
(Photo courtesy of Dlisted, and thanks to NagelLadyKatie for pointing it out)
Verne Troyer, the little guy who’s best known for his work with Mike Myers in the Austin Powers franchise and now the steaming pile known as The Love Guru, has sued gossipmonger TMZ.com for posting a sex tape starring the actor.
In the lawsuit (view PDF here), Troyer says he sent multiple cease-and-desist orders to the website both before and after they shared the video, which features the dwarf performer with his ex-girlfriend Ranae Shrider. The tape was allegedly stolen sometime in the past year.
The suit also names One Night in Paris porn peddler Kevin Blatt as a defendant for trying to broker a deal for the video’s sale through an online porn distributor. Blatt reportedly has received offers as high as $100,000 for the footage.
Troyer is seeking ONE MEEELLION DOLLARS in damages.*
And sorry, sickos: TMZ pulled the post after the lawsuit hit. You’ll just have to wait for someone else to leak it to satisfy your pervy intentions.
*Sorry, couldn’t resist. Multiply that by twenty.
The ever-spiritual Michael Lohan, father but not really dad to Lindsay, has a 13-year-old illegitimate daughter, OK! reports.
Linds’ father, Michael Lohan, has admitted to OK! that, while married — but at the time separated — to now-ex-wife Dina Lohan, he had a relationship with another woman which resulted in a pregnancy.
Evidently they’ve been in contact for years. He even sent the little girl letters from prison, signed “Love, Daddy” — which is likely more than Lindsay, Ali, or Cody can say.
You may recall that Michael is a born-again Christian who frequently offers parenting advice to his ex-family. Granted, they need help, just not from him.
Turns out he doesn’t so much pay child support or return phone calls from his illegitimate baby mama either. Or as she anonymously told OK!:
“It’s time for Michael to take responsibility.”
Get in line, sister.
My worlds collided when Deceiver heavyweights Miley Cyrus and Tyra Banks met recently to discuss getting the tweeny bopper her own talk show.
The Hannah Montana star met model-turned-TV presenter Tyra Banks during a trip to Nashville, Tennessee in May, and the pair is planning to produce a younger version of Banks’ own show.
A source tells Star magazine, “Tyra wants to produce a show for Miley. Miley already has a huge following among teen girls, so her show would likely be successful. Tyra sees Miley’s potential.â€
God help us all.
The resulting bit of TV detritus could well be a rehashing of The Miley and Mandy Show, which is unholy even with the dedication to Jesus.
But mainly my concern is: Who does Tyra think she is? (Answer: Oprah.) And what qualifies her to advise a girl so precariously on the edge as Miley?
According to the Carpetbagger Report, a group of Republican senators has reintroduced the Federal Marriage Amendment, AKA the “Omigod, What Does Sulu Think He’s Doing?” Act. And wouldn’t you know it, two of the sponsors are Larry “The Toilet Tapdancer” Craig and David “Pays Women Other Than His Wife for Sex” Vitter. Consider the institution of marriage saved from the brink!
Remember when Mick Jagger and David Bowie teamed up to do that cover of “Dancing in the Street,” and it was like rockstar-squared? This is kind of the same deal, except with hypocrisy instead of music. And even gayer.
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