Sometimes it’s hard to be Oprah.
Just two weeks into her vegan diet, she lost her personal chef. Let us all take a moment of silence as Oprah tells her tale of woe:
Tal left…the void is immense. I’m in New York trying to make do. First of all, he had one of the nicest, calmest, sweetest spirits I’ve ever encountered in a man. His loving energy came through his food. I think that’s why we were all so soothed and nurtured by it and looked forward to every meal.
I had CEO search interviews all day yesterday and had food brought in from a local favorite vegan restaurant. It was very good—lots of choices, but not the same energy as Tal. Interesting that we all felt the loving energy of his food and all commented on that in different ways.
Yesterday, I had a black bean burger with the fixin’s for lunch and some kind of dairy-free yogurt and gluten-free granola for breakfast.
Well, the black bean burger—while delicious—is still with me. I didn’t eat dinner. I felt, and still feel a day later, like a black bean balloon. Soooo bloated. And today I have a photo shoot all day for the magazine!
Horrors. How is a woman supposed to eat when no one’s there in your kitchen to prepare your meals for you?
And that was posted on Saturday. She could be half starved by now! Quick, someone get her some real food, stat!
God I can’t believe this half-wit is a billionaire. JUST GO GRAB SOME LETTUCE, AND CARROTS YOU MORON! Does becoming a vegan automatically make you lose 30 IQ points or something?
Oh by the way Oprah. My all vegan diet is over too. Vegans are always so small I had to eat a lot of ‘em. I wiped out the entire vegan population in Cook County. I guess I “over fished”.
Expected scenario:
1. Oprah, in a fit of desperation, casts aside her vegan ideals and orders everything on the menu at McDOnalds
2. ???
3. Oprah gains 300 polunds
Andrew you forgot that Oprah would then lament to her adoring fans how the pressure of being her would have caused her to weaken and eat meat again. Then she would write a book and make a few hundred million more dollars.
I love meat, just sayin!
She wouldn’t have to worry about the photo shoot if maybe she’d put someone or something else on the cover. Not that she has to. It’s just if the photo shoot is such a bother she has other options.
Photo Shop works to big O.
Oprah, please don’t go vegan! I think that it’s a fad and insane! Unless you really hate that animals have to be slaughtered, DON’T DO IT! You used to be universal soul, but now I fear you’ll be in the yuppy, self-righteous, vegan class of folks, and that will be all you draw to yourself — weird vegans who look down on us who believe that God created animals for us to hunt, slaughter and eat!
BTW, most vegans look withered and drawn and like they have a terminal illness as well
oh wow.. tough life oprah!
good god.
Wow, it’s interesting how all of you pro “let’s torture and eat our animal friends types” sound so aggressive and mean. Think about it.
And try not to be so arrogant and ignorant…the Bible is written by men for men and is interpreted according to beliefs. Vegatarians can find passages in the ‘holy’ book about being caretakers of animals.
If you think Vegan’s look unhealthy perhaps you should think about what’s happening to your arteries, heart, liver, and soul as you indulge in the ugly practice of slurping up animal fat. Think about it.
End some more paragraphs with “think about it.” Think about it.
Live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse. You can’t see arteries, hearts, and liver from the outside.
And I believe the bible says something about eating two of every animal. So God hates vegans too.
Jamie, did you make love to a cow today?
I love Oprah, the woman is a God.