Actress and professional alcoholic Tara Reid hosted the Bikini Beach 2008 party in Chicago last weekend. Suffice to say she’s lucky no one called the cops.

According to an eyewitness, at one point Reid was busting her moves in the man-made sandbox while holding a martini before going on stage and giving a very slurred shout-out on the mic.

The “American Pie” actress apparently then made her way upstairs into the VIP room while bumping into people and even knocking other guests’ drinks out of their hands.

We’re also told the perennial party princess arrived over an hour late for her appearance.

Sidenote — how sad is it that she hasn’t done anything of any note since American Pie came out in 1999?

Anyway, not that anyone bought it at the time, but remember her valiant efforts from January to convince us all that she isn’t a total lush? If not, a recap:

“I don’t like going out every single night,” she tells OK!. “I like to hang with friends and eat and sit next to a fire — that to me is the best night.”…

“If I have a drink in my hand, it doesn’t make me an alcoholic. If I want a glass of wine, I want a glass of wine. I shouldn’t be afraid of it because of what the media might say. Anything you do, you’re screwed. That’s the lesson I’ve learned.”

But you know what does make her an alcoholic? A drink in both hands. And one grasped by each foot. And maybe all the vodka in the CamelBak under her dress.