UPDATE: For those of you who have asked privately (ahem…), the image at right is a Photoshop job. In other words, you can stop looking for an actual porn video of Jenna Jameson in a sexy nun’s habit. Sheesh!
When you’ve spent most of your adult professional life letting complete strangers pound your naughty bits to pieces while cameras roll, it’s hard to believe that your religious convictions are what guide you. But no one ever accused Jenna Jameson of being timid about anything. (Insert joke here about having “spunk.”)
I would have thought all that extended-play boot knocking would have positively shaken Jenna’s uterus off its engine-mounts by now, but guess who’s got a bun in the oven?
“Yes, I can confirm I’m pregnant. It’s still early, so I’m being cautious. I’m resting as much as possible,” she tells Usmagazine.com exclusively. “I’m so happy!”
She adds that she and boyfriend of two years, mixed martial arts fighter Tito Ortiz, “are still in a state of shock” …
But the 34-year-old Jameson — who split from adult film studio owner Jay Grdina in 2006 and from porn star Brad Armstrong in 2001— said they have no plans to walk down the aisle.
“I think I’m gonna stay unmarried and just go for the babies!” she told Us. “I’m following in Angelina’s footsteps!” …
She previously told Us she discovered she was two months pregnant in November 2004 after being diagnosed with malignant melanoma. A day later, she miscarried due to the stress of cancer.
But the devout Catholic — who has tried in vitro — told Us, “It was all in God’s plan.”
What a punchline! She’s a devout Catholic? Sure — and I’m that Chinese guy who circled the Bird’s Nest stadium on a flying harness to light the Olympic torch. Really!
Let’s count the Catholic miscues in this picture. Pregnancy out of wedlock? Not exactly part of the Baltimore Catechism. In vitro fertilization? Rome sayeth it’s a sin. Jenna’s divorced — another Catholic no-no. And what’s with the porn queen endorsing her own line of condoms? Last time I checked, the Pope had a real problem with that.
Honestly, this level of self-deception almost makes her whole on-again, off-again relationship with PETA’s anti-leather schtick look understandable. The chick just doesn’t have a decent grasp of true and false.
There’s an old saying about how screaming “OhmyGOD” in bed a lot doesn’t make you a religious person. Maybe Jenna’s just confused. And I’ll let the rest of you wax philosophical about all the time she’s spent on her knees.
I’m surprised she can give interviews what with all the prayers she must have to say after going to confession. Do women still adore Angelina Jolie? I thought that trend ended in 2005.
I wish one of them would get a sex change so they can get a gay marriage. How topsy-turvy is this world? Gay people fighting and arguing to get married and straight people ignoring it.
- “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.”
- “No need to explain, my child. I’ve seen the videos.”
Yet another celebrity attempting to curry public sympathy with a cancer story.
Malignant melanoma is an effect of sun over-exposure. She tanned too much.
Its never caused a miscarriage in the history of man.
yeah she did tan too much and i remember her saying she had some kind of skin cancer. the whole catholic thing is just too funny deceiver! i went to catholic school for 9 years and you’re right about the in vitro and condom thing.. i forgot about the divorced part too!
1) “devout catholics” are not “allowed” to get in vitro
2) devout catholics don’t get screwed for money on tape for yeeeeeears. with a lot, probably hundreds of people. dirty!
3) devout catholics aren’t going to have a baby out of wedlock
4) um, the only way i can even try to get the devout catholic thing through my head is that she didn’t use condoms a few times? birth control is a no no with “DEVOUT CATHOLICS”
so just thought i’d make a little list. this story is too funny and good nun picture hahaha!
oh shoot i forgot to say this.. someone sent me a link to her first pregnancy picture on her myspace today. i saw it and she doesn’t even look pregnant but whatever. in her “my photos” section on her myspace she has a picture of her creepy looking boyfriend fishing. she said “tito loves fishing.. i hate it” i thought reaaaaaaally? i saw a picture of her fishing on here!
also, she has a “PETA” album on her myspace pictures with 1 picture in it. it’s the latest ad she did for animal birth control. why do you think jenna didn’t include her anti leather ad? oh right, because her anti leather phase is over!
That is probably one of the better pieces of comedy I’ve read in a while. Jenna, shut up. Just… shut up because you are making yourself look dumber with every word that comes out of your mouth.
While miscarriages *can* in fact be attributed to stress/shock in certain situations, it sounds more likely it was a sympathy ploy … or maybe it’s just that the doctors gave her a pregnancy test and she learned that the line has to show up in both windows (positive test), not just one (shows the test is working) to be pregnant. Oops!
I’m still boggled that they described her as “devout.” “Desultory” or “debatable,” more like.
This is just ridiculous. She is ridiculous. Tito Ortiz is ridiculous. And the modern day film-porn-hollywood stars that try to re-invent or “dumb-down” Catholicism to fit their lifestyle are ridiculous!!!
What is truly sad is many people will hear Jenna Jameson say she is Catholic and they will believe her. No questions asked. That, my friends, is truly ridiculous.
Had to get my two cents in.
The amount of puns in this post is amazing. I think Deceiver.com should get an award. Is there a journalism award for witticisms?
I suppose I mean double entendres and not puns, but I stand by the witticism award idea.
…And I’m sure her child is going to be wonderfully well-adjusted, taught properly about decency and right and wrong, and will always have the deep, strong moral foundation that is the cornerstone to any good Catholic family.
>_<
The “all in God’s plan” part is what makes me want to put her in the head just to see if it might jumpstart any of the brains she’s got left… y’know… after all these years of getting them humped out by a bunch of mysogynist horndogs.
I just want 10 minutes alone in the confessional with her…
I think the “Jamieson, a devout Catholic” was said in jest.
She said it was all in “God’s plan” - not jeebus’. She can believe in God- hell she can still be a christian - and be a porn star, it’s just the more orthodox denominations are going to have a problem with that. Now if SHE claims to be a Catholic, we can totally call shannigans on that!
@ darek – Jesus himself minces few words with people who claim to follow him, but, y’know, don’t. The main thing that pissed him off were hypocrites.
Well…
It makes no sense, but I know plenty of catholic churches that would have no problem with her. Like the one where my cousin who was 7 months pregnant (with a *different* man’s baby) walked down the aisle with her new man. In a huge, traditional catholic mass. The ring bearer was her son from a third, unknown guy. And yes, she did wear white, why do you ask?
Jenna Jameson is as good a Catholic as she is a vegetarian.
Yeeks! I thought that the picture was a photo of her statue in Madame Toussaud’s House of Wax!
Her face looks so plastic.
Hmm.. how religious is it of us to judge who should or shouldn’t have a kid? VERY! Doesn’t she know the catholic church is behind our world’s tragic overpopulation toll!
If she really is Catholic, she must spend all her spare time at the confessional. But, come on. Does she really think that even sounds legit? Dumb porn stars…
Austin
I could get into how Jesus may have never existed and blah blah blah - but quite frankly if she’s pissing off devoutly orthodox people that believe a woman should walk 5 paces behind her husband or that condoms are the devil, well who really cares if they’re offended, the planet they live on must be a hoot and a half.
But if SHE claimed she was a devout catholic (again i think the magazine said it in jest) well then, we can tar and feather her and laugh whilst we do it
Don’t forget the devoutly Catholic act of performing communion with your boyfriend’s own brand of Malt Liquor:
And how long before JJ babydaddy Tito Ortiz and Trump clash to become new best enemies, a la AJ Benza? I give it eight months, tops.
Fame. Ain’t it a bitch.
http://i33.tinypic.com/sql1xe.jpg
http://mmajunkie.com/news/5143/mickeys-signs-tito-ortiz-set-to-release-limited-edition-cans.mma
@ Darek – Firstly, I think you’re getting religions a bit confused here. Never in Christian history has it been a generally agreed upon practise that a woman has to walk five steps behind her man. There is, however, another religion that is very specific about the matter that Christians have had issues with since, well, the get-go.
Anyway, I was responding to the notion that a person can be a Christian, i.e. a supposed follower of the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth and the New Testament, and still not do what the New Testament is fairly specific about. If Jesus existed, then by all accounts, he was none-too fond of people who said one thing, and then did another. That’s all I was getting at…
Calm down, mate.
Austin, if you’re referring to Islam, that’s a lie. Nothing in the Qur’an requires women to walk behind men–in fact, the Qur’an states that men and women are equal in the sight of God. It even retells the Garden of Eden story to blame Adam and Eve equally for the Fall. (And they apologize to God and repent of their sin, and God forgives them, so Islam doesn’t even teach original sin like Catholics do.)
phoenix: You do know that in the Catholic faith you can repent of your sins and be forgiven, right? There’s no reason in the world a woman pregnant with one man’s child can’t walk down the aisle with another man in a Catholic mass if she’s repented of the sin of fornication. It’s not like she can physically chain up the biological father and drag him to the altar–and if he knew about the pregnancy and abandoned her, that’s his own sin he’ll have to deal with in his own time.
Sheesh. And I’m not even Christian (or Muslim). You could try a little harder, you know.
That said, yeah, hypocrisy sucks.
By the way, anyone who says you can’t be Catholic and pro-contraception must really drink the Kool-Aid or something. Check out Catholics For A Free Choice sometime.
So what - after all those child abusing priests were devout catholics as well.
That picture is photoshopped? I wish I could do that. That’s a good job. Photoshop is the only way anyone could make Jenna Jameson sexy to me.
follow this link to see pam. anderson, just last week with herrmes bag http://www.drunkenstepfather.com/cms/u.php?u=23344
Dana-
Yes, I know catholicism believes in forgiveness. I just found it endlessly amusing that you can be pregnant and still wear “virginal” white at your wedding. Good to know that you can embrace just the specific traditions of your faith that are convenient. Also she didn’t have to repent of anything. The priest didn’t ask. No confession, no repentance, no regret over her past AT ALL. It’s dangerous to argue with an anecdote, since ya weren’t there. I’m just saying there are churches that allow all kinds of fun shenanigans. I’m not christian or muslim, but I know what the rules are and …I know just how often they get broken and nobody gives a damn.
Also, we didn’t make up the catholic = no contraception thing. There’s this guy? Called the pope. Been against it for forever. Maybe you heard about that? There’s this weird internet rumor that he’s the head of the catholic church or something, and that the church should be judged by those rules and not by what one splinter group online decided.
For fun, do you guys want the reason for the no contraception thing? It’s basically because enjoying sex is sinful. Sex is allowed, for the purpose of procreation ONLY. To have sex using birth control is to purposely be indulging in the carnal act for recreation only, not for procreation. That’s why it’s a sin, not because sperm is sacred (despite the song). Same reason they’re against sodomy, for the most part. You’re allowed to enjoy it while making babies because they can’t figure out a good way to keep you from it, but you aren’t allowed to enjoy it consequence free. Fun, eh?
I love how you admitted that you aren’t, ya know, a member of the religion, but felt free to lecture others on how it works. Especially in a specific instance you don’t know the details off. Must be fun to know everything!
hehehe
Jenna certainly puts the dumb into dumbass. Dumb and dumber all rolled into one.
You can’t beat a hypocritical bored out whore for being a numpty.
It just goes to show that no matter how much cock custard you let slip down your neck (and Jenna should know), it doesn’t increase your intelligence.
Catholic. What a joke. Or did she mean ‘Catholic cum slurping whores’?