Remember Ted Danson? He’s a very, very old and washed-up TV actor who used to play a bartender named Sam “Mayday” Malone on a popular show called “Cheers,” back when Shelley Long was famous and Kirstie Alley was attractive. Then he started dating Whoopie Goldberg, completely lost it, and appeared on stage in blackface at a Friar’s Club “roast” of the aforementioned dreadlock-comic.
Smooth move, Ted. Spike Lee was not impressed, and his career never really recovered. (The slide into obscurity was, of course, greased by “Becker,” a TV series whose only redeeming feature was not Ted Danson.) But since then, Ted has reinvented himself as an environmental advocate, crusading for ocean protection.
How’s that going?
Here’s Danson, in a column published yesterday by the BBC in London:
[P]ollution isn’t the biggest problem facing the oceans, though it is certainly important.
It’s overfishing. We’re just taking too many fish out of the sea.
Since 1950, 90% of the big predator fish – your swordfish, your shark – have disappeared … Even as a lay person, not a scientist, it’s abundantly clear to me that overfishing is pushing our oceans towards an irreversible collapse.
That’s some scary stuff, Ted. Irreversible collapse, you say? Overfishing? No more fish in the sea? I bet you don’t eat fish, right? ‘Cause — you know — that would be highly irregular. Hypocritical, some might say.
London’s Telegraph newspaper gave him a perfect platform to argue for saving the oceans from overfishing this morning, but all he wanted to talk about was saving sharks. Saving sharks? I guess he’s never seen “Jaws.” That big Great White sucka would eat Sam Malone, Diane Chambers, Coach, Woody, Norm, Cliff, and Carla if we gave it half a chance.
Mr. Danson said current controls on shark fishing in Europe are “grossly inadequate”.
However the actor did not urge Brits to give up on their national dish altogether, just to check that rock salmon is not in the ingredients and to join the campaign to try to increase controls on shark fishing around Europe.
He added: “I love fish and I love fish and chips. I am not going to stop eating fish and chips. Not eating fish and chips is not going to have an impact necessarily. What is needed is to become an activist to try to get the policy changed on shark fishing.”
Gotcha. Sam Malone says we’re killing the oceans by eating too much fish. But we’ve gotta keep it up. ‘Cause fish-and-chips are just so deeeeeelicious!
Thanks for clearing that up, Sam! (I liked you better in blackface.)
Bonus Points, just for fun: The whole “Cheers” theme song and opening credits. Weren’t the ’80s fun, back before Ted Danson got all serious about himself?
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