Samantha Ronson might have to pay Perez Hilton’s legal fees, but Lindsay’s dad wants Perez to pay a visit to the hospital. According to the NYDN:

The Hollywood dad-gone-bad — who insists he’s trying to do good — is offering to step into the boxing ring with the highest bidder and donate all the money to Long Island charities.

“This is not about publicity,” Lohan told the Daily News before heading to the gym to get in fighting form for the Nov. 24 match at the Hilton Long Island in Melville, L.I.

“If publicity is involved, it’s only to raise money for charity,” he said.

Michael Lohan saying something isn’t about publicity is like Perez Hilton saying something isn’t about publicity. Which brings us to that catty calorie-collector:

Bidding starts at $5,000 for the chance to go three rounds with Lohan — but the convicted felon knows whom he’d like to fight.

“If there’s one person on this planet that I’d like to fight, it’s [celebrity blogger] Perez Hilton – for every single jab he’s taken at my children and my family,” Lohan said.

And then Perez mewled something incredibly boring in response. These two having a nice little slapfight is a good start. But shouldn’t it really be a fight to the death? And then the winner is set on fire and pushed into a pit of poisoned spikes? Just thinking out loud here.

Anyhow, it’s good to see Mr. Lohan is still saved by Jesus and all that. Remember the whole “turn the other cheek” thing, Michael? On second thought, you might not want to try that one when Perez is around.