The Candies Foundation ad (click to enlarge)

Heard of the Candie’s Foundation? If you’re young, fertile, and female, you will soon. The seven-year-old charity bought full-page ads this morning in The New York Times and The New York Post. But USA Today refused to run the ad, which included photos of Bristol Palin and Jamie Lynn Spears:

The Candie’s Foundation’s “America, Wake Up” PSA campaign to prevent teenage pregnancy was due to run as a full-page advertisement in USA Today. On Friday afternoon, the publication rejected the ad after much discussion about their desire to avoid offending their readers.

USA Today began by explaining that it did not want to offend its readers and subsequently changed and re-changed its position until ultimately rejecting the PSA late Friday afternoon claiming they downsized the paper and “could not accommodate the ad.”

A televised version of the ad will debut tonight on the CW network’s “Gossip Girl,” a show which is apparently wholesome enough for USA Today to promote without worrying that it might “offend its readers.” (Hat tip to Jossip for Hypocrisy #1.)

But it gets better. Or worse, depending on your outlook. (And I’m not talking about the horrible misuse of a hyphen in the ad’s headline.)

Hypocrisy #2: The Candie’s Foundation is the philanthropic arm of Candie’s, the teen-centric fashion label. Here’s how they describe their own image:

Candie’s award winning advertising is noted for its sexy but playful concepts … The current Candie’s girl is Hayden Panettiere, award-winning actress, recording artist, activist and a star of NBC’s hit television series, “Heroes.” Hayden is one of the hottest young stars and is looked up to by girls for her fun flirty styles.

‘Cause, you know … sexy, flirty and Hayden Panettiere are all synonymous with carnal restraint. Here’s just a few snaps from Hayden’s latest publicity tour for Candie’s. Excuse me for a moment while I go and practice some, uh, abstinence:

And Hypocrisy #3: Is it just me, or is it more than a little strange that Jenny McCarthy sits on the Board of the Candie’s Foundation? Yeah, I know that she’s best known today for being a little off her rocker about autism and childhood vaccines, but just put her name into Google Image search (link NSFW) and see what turns up. Not exactly ice water for the raging hormones of America’s future baby-daddies.

I’m just saying … If the Candie’s Foundation wants a better spokeswoman, how about NPR commentator Sarah Vowell? She’s ten times as smart and articulate, there’s absolutely nothing sexy about her voice, and she’s got the penis-shriveling homeliness of a younger White House correspondent Helen Thomas. When Sarah says “Zip it up, home boy,” he just might.

Okay, now I’ve said far too much.