Via Deceiver pal Kris, via The Superficial, via the Daily Mail, here are a few of Madonna’s rules for Guy Ritchie during his visitation with their sons Rocco and David:
- No newspapers, magazines, TV, or DVDs
- Macrobiotic, vegetarian, organic diet
- Naught but Kabbalah water shall pass their lips
- No man-made fibers shall touch the skin of the Special Holy Ones
- The hands of The Anointed shall be spritzed with disinfectant upon any contact with commoners
- No discussion of the divorce, AKA The Great Blasphemy
- The sons shall receive wisdom from the Font of All Goodness, AKA Mom, at least thrice per day via telephone
- Keep them away from your whores, you whoremonger
- No pictures with your own children
- The Special Holy Ones shall be lulled to sleep with the sacred words from my childrens’ books
Now, I think we can all agree that these are perfectly reasonable requests from any deity to the mere mortal she permitted to impregnate her. But… no TV? Why, because she’s not on it so much anymore? If not for MTV, she’d be reciting today’s specials somewhere. She owes Nina Blackwood, J.J. Jackson, Mark Goodman, Alan Hunter, and Martha Quinn an apology.
(And yes, I had to look up those names.)
Related posts:
- Madonna Tours Malawi in $2,800 Worth of Chanel You’d think that the image-obsessed Madonna would take pains not...
- Is Madonna Lying About Her Horseback Riding Accident? Madonna fell off a horse on Saturday and was treated...
You had to look up those names? Well isn’t that just terrific. And here I was feeling pretty good about myself today. Maybe I’ll just go home and watch some Matlock on the Hallmark Channel, and wonder whatever happened to Van Johnson, and Betty Grabel. Maybe I can get a good deal on a new Buick LeSabre if I mosey on over to Park Ridge after my oatmeal. You know what I heard are new? Calculators.
I had to look them up because I could only remember their first names.
Her desires are pretty pious and condescending given that she sings “like a virgin” and “bad girl.” I’m glad we don’t live in the same community or time zone.
It’s cool. Wait a minute…
**leaning out window shaking fist**
HEY YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN!!
Damn illegals.
Wow. If I were Guy Ritchie (which I’m not, thank goodness), I’d be really tempted to feed those kids Twinkies and Spongebob DVDs. And take lots of photos of myself gorging with them.
I would take the kids out for a cheeseburger and coke!! Let them watch DVDs and buy them some toys made in china. When she gets them back they will be fill up on sugar and full of ethically unsound ideas!! Go guy, i dare ya
Is it wrong that I covet the pictured throne of Wackitude?
Well, it is a well balanced attitude for a woman… living in LaLaLand.
I’ve got a rule for Madonna…stop spreading and waving yer area in the cameras and faces of everyone in the world. Is that unlady-like behavior Kabbalahish? Seriously, is her Rabbi proud of her like that? She looks like the Queen of Coochie in that photo, and that’s all she’ll ever be.
If she said that she was terribly sorry for her previous three decades of lewd and/or decadent behavior and doesn’t want her kids to fall down the same material path she did, I would believe it if she wasn’t still doing all those things. :-p She can wash in Kabbalah water all she wants, she still stinks of all the ethical lines she’s crossed to get what she wanted in life. Anyway, that’s my not so humble opinion.
Poor Guy.
I feel sorry for Guy. He’ll never be rid of that cow or her kids.
I think I know whom the Ritchie kids will call “the fun parent”.
Did’ja see that? I did the whole “whom” thing without sounding all pseudo-Englishey.
And seriously, didn’t Sharon Stone do that cootchie-hootchie-hoo pose a lot better? Sharon looked sexy and dangerous, whereas man-chick up there looks more like Willie Wonka having a hot-flash.
^Although technically “whom” should only come after a prepostion: by whom, to whom, for whom, etc. etc.
Not that I’m a grammar stickler or anything.
Funny — I always thought pronouns could be used in the accusative case without accompanying prepositions.
And I am a grammar stickler.
I’m siding with Minnow on this one, although you could take the classic American cop-out and just avoid the issue entirely by writing “I think I know which one the Ritchie kids will call ‘the fun parent’”…
I was a gramma sticker once. Pretty gross.
Guess if he has to keep them away from his whores they won’t be going home to mamma.
Can we just call the race now? Crazy Bitch of 2008 goes to Madonna. I suspect she will be a lock for 2009 as well.
Now, who is going to rescue those poor children?
Guy Ritchie should have made his escape years ago. Wow, yeah, I second the move to give her the Crazy Bitch of 2008 award.
Oh, and yeah, I remembered the original VJ names. What’s sad is that I don’t remember the names of any who came after.
Huh.
You pick on my “whom” but not my “did’ja” or “Englishey”?
No kaballah water for you!
I think “Englishey” is spelled with an “ie”.
It’s with an “ie” if you’re name is Khourghtnie.
If my ex handed me a list like that, I’d buy the kids polyester pajamas and toy guns, let them roll in the mud, then have them feast upon Pizza Hut as they watch hours of enjoyable programming on Cartoon Network.
That’s a man, baby!
The more Madonna tries to look young, the more she looks like a “lady-man.”
Pastaman-
Jeez, they haven’t made a LeSabre since 2004. You’re 5 years behind the times.
Nice to see she is getting her children ready for the real world.
Yeah sure fozzy. Next you’re gonna tell me no one says, “that’s the bee’s knees” anymore.
I particularly like the edict about keeping the kids away from Guy’s whores. Because their mother is so much like Mother Theresa in her stage acts. In fact, in the picture above, she’s preparing to let the lepers of Calcutta have some cane therapy. So generous of her.
Well I hope the judge laughs in her face. Unfortunately for Ms. Shemale up there, under the laws of most states in the U.S. one parent cannot dictate to another how the kids are raised. I would show the little darlings all her classic video’s and that one coffee table book she came out with back in the early 90’s or late 80’s while feeding them pork sausage sandwiches with root beer floats(mmmm….root beer).
This is a joke… Right?
Y’all, that’s the only crotch in the Northern Hemisphere that has a HOV lane. Wait, no it isn’t. Where IS Pamela Anderson today, anyway?
And I can’t look at her without the phrases “Snap into a Slim Jim!” and “Mad Cow Disease” springing into my mind.