Could Jeremy Piven possibly be a bigger douche-nozzle?
Reports are swirling around the Broadway scene that Piven is bailing on his commitment to appear in David Mamet’s Speed-the-Plow, claiming that his doctor says he has — get this — mercury poisoning.
I didn’t believe him at first, until I learned that one of the symptoms of mercury poisoning is a complete inability to act. Now I think he’s probably had it his whole life.
Over at Dlisted, Michael K isn’t buying it. Neither is David Mamet. He joked today that Piven is “leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer.” (‘Cause of the mercury. Get it? I guess you had to be there.)
Let’s look at the facts:
- Michael Reidel at the New York Post hears that the show’s investors want to call in their own medical expert, and that Piven is apparently not too sick to be a regular in Lower East Side bars until the wee hours.
- Reviewers have been luke-warm to Piven in Speed-the-Plow. One theatre writer says that “Piven’s performance never suggests that he may have any depths to be stirred.” (Ouch!)
- Audiences are not exactly filling the seats in Lion King numbers. You can buy tickets any time (which you may actually want to do, now that Piven has been replaced by William H. Macy). Average houses lately have only been 69 percent full.
- Jaunted is calling the play a “sinking ship.” (Okay, that was gratuitous. I’ve never heard of Jaunted either.)
No wonder ol’ Jer-Jer wants out, and is apparently using the “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” clause in his contract to bail. Maybe the pressure of eight shows a week is getting to Piven. He’s always been a hothead, but apparently he went total bitchcakes on a fan last week who called him “Ari” (his character’s name on Entourage).
In any event, he didn’t exactly look like he was at death’s door just 10 days ago. That’s him, above, at a December 8 New York screening of “The Wrestler.”
Seriously, though, about mercury … ET talked to Piven’s doctor tonight, and he says the actor’s mercury levels were “six times a healthy amount.” But the University of Maryland says there’s “a 10-fold safety factor” included in what’s considered “healthy.” So I don’t care if Piven’s numbers were six times too high. He’s not poisoned. A little whiny, maybe.
Oh — and Gawker has a profile on Piven’s doctor, Carlon Colker. I’m guessing he went to med school in Honduras. His bio doesn’t say, so I’m pretty sure it wasn’t Harvard:
Colker is a former body builder turned celebrity physician and motivational speaker in his early 40′s. He’s been on weight loss TV shows, promoted wellness with the likes of Christie Brinkley, and coached Shaq. His area of interest has mostly been dietary stuff — he wrote a book called The Greenwich Diet and has shilled for muscle-building health supplements … Looking at his past, Colker doesn’t seem terribly averse to bending truth and getting his name in print.
Yep. Doctor Please-Excuse-Jeremy-From-Gym-Class has been hauled into court 4 times for (“allegedly”) faking lab results so companies that paid him could promote ephedra as a diet supplement. (Now there’s something that might actually kill ya.)
Maybe mercury poisoning is just an urban legend. Like Wilt Chamberlain’s virginity. Or Pam Anderson’s charm. Or Andy Dick’s love of beautiful women.
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I am gonna totally reveal my inner geek here, but I don’t care. Jeremy Piven is a total douche, this much is true. That being said – the man starred in possibly the greatest parody of 90′s ‘counterculture’ I’ve ever seen, and that buys him a lot of slack in my book. Anyone who came within 50 miles of a college campus, or even worse (like yours truly), a college campus on the Left Coast, can’t help but love PCU.
That being said – I’d say there’s a better chance of Bovine Fecal Poisoning here than mercury. But the question (an obvious one I’d think) that no one is asking is, ‘how exactly does one go about getting mercury poisoning?’. Was he sucking on thermometers? Is he on an all shellfish diet?
He forgot the first rule of calling in sick: keep it pedestrian, and therefor, believable. If he would have just claimed to have mono or something, he could have taken as much time as he wanted and no one would have batted an eye. Rookie mistake.
I’m sorry but I laughed out loud at the thermometer joke when I read that today. That was funny. My first thought was that he wanted out because of Mamet’s admission that he was veering to the right politically. Piven is from Evanston. Not exactly a hotbed of right-wingers there.
http://www.villagevoice.com/2008-03-11/news/why-i-am-no-longer-a-brain-dead-liberal/
Small minded and petty? What can I say that’s the kind of guy I am.
I’m thinking the producers found “mercury poisoning” a better excuse than “he sucks.”
i know nothing about this guy and i could give half a you know what. but if my favorites, dlisted and deceiver aren’t having it.. then either am i!
Same here, katie. If Deceiver and Dlisted call fu**ery on something, then it’s for a reason!
Seriously, though, mercury poisoning? They could have done better claiming he had some sort of stress related illness, or as Scott F. mentioned, some sort of BFP.
I saw the play in London with Kevin Spacey and Jeff Goldblum and I thought it was pretty good.
Shame about this idiot ruining it. Although William H Macy might be a better choice overall.
The only thing I ever saw him in was the Gary Shandling show. That he has had any career of note after that ended has surprised me. Love Mamet’s comment about the thermometer though.
No, no, … not the silver stuff, but it’s the “planet” Mercury. He got poisoned while visiting … too much solar radiation… or whatever.
I was wondering how the hell you get exposed to high levels of mercury and here are a few examples:
Manufacturers of electrical equipment such as electric switches, dry cell batteries and mercury lamps.
Chemical processing plants that use mercury in the production of chlorine, caustic soda, pesticides and antifouling paints.
Metal processing.
Manufacturing plants that produce explosives.
Waste and incineration plants.
Construction sites.
Medical facilities.
Some of the other ways are thermometers, mercury vapor lamps, dental amalgam waste and florescent light bulbs…the light bulb thing caught me because one of ways to smoke meth is to break open light bulb (…I plead the fifth…)
http://pollution-control.suite101.com/article.cfm/environment_and_mercury_exposure
Hey, playing with thermometers is fun! Unfortunately, it’s hard to get a mercury one anymore. I’m with Les Paul–guy was clearly trying to get the best tan of the century and, well, it went a little wrong for him. Well, nobody claimed he was very intelligent.
pastafarian – that was MY first thought, as well.
LOL everyone! X-D
It’s being reported today on a TV news spot that he got mercury poisoning by eating too much sushi, I kid ya not.
I agree, William H Macy would be much better in anything than he would be.
William H Macy is replacing Jeremy Piven? Reminds of another actor improvement.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bI6IlXfUdPE
This was posted on The Superficial, and credited to TMZ. I know one thing, I wouldn’t want this idiot to lie for me! Anyhow, here it is:
- Jeremy Piven tried to say he had mono before switching to his sushi-induced mercury poisoning excuse for bailing on a Broadway play. Personally, I think he should’ve gone with cat AIDS, but hey, we can’t all be professionals.
Eating a lot of tuna will greatly increase your mercury levels. Look it up.
Yeah … but how come in countries like Japan (where they eat TONS of tuna, and where they eat 10 times as much fish as Jeremy Piven ever did), you find lower rates of practically every non-smoking-related disease? How come Japanese kids kick OUR kids’ asses in school?
Maybe mercury levels aren’t that big a deal.
Or maybe the wasabi neutralizes it.
Could be.
TheEyeSeesAll,
Let’s not jump to conclusions. After all, hundreds died in Minamata, Japan due to mercury poisoning, and tens of thousands more were made extremely ill in Minamata and Niigata (another city.)
However, those were EXTREMELY high doses, and were probably several orders of magnitude higher than what Piven supposedly suffers from. Mercury poisoning can be dangerous, but at his levels I doubt he’s really “suffering.”
I just have to wonder, how much sushi does it take for mercury poisoning to happen? Surely he’s not on a diet best suited to Shamu or Flipper, is he?