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Archive for January, 2009

30
Jan

Evangeline Lilly to Sell Lingerie for Children

evangelinelillyWait, that didn’t come out right. Here, let her tell it:

The Lost beauty has teamed up with Ebay Giving Works and leading auction management group Auction Cause to barter off intimate goodies (from her personally inspired collection of Brazilian made R*Favela Lingerie) just in time for Valentines Day.

Lily’s hand-picked collection includes over 2,000 pieces of panties and bras in an assortment of cuts, colors and styles to suit every woman’s dreams and desires. But here’s the good news – 10 percent of the proceeds will go to Task Brasil which works to provide a loving and supportive home environment for street children and adolescents in the South American country.

“I’m offering beautiful Brazilian-made lingerie as a fun and enticing way for you too not only invest in yourself, but in the poor and abandoned children of Brazil,” Lilly said.

Okay, so maybe this isn’t really Deceiver-worthy. But the idea of selling ladies’ underpants for the kids is like LOL WUT? Well, it’s for a good cause. And I like looking at pictures of Evangeline Lilly. And the word “underpants.”

Hey, do you think she’ll pick Jack or Sawyer? Oh, I can’t wait to find out.

30
Jan

Ashton and Demi Wage Twitter War Against Remodeling Neighbor

demi_ashton_constructionApparently peeved that their neighbor has been remodeling his house, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher have taken to the Tweets. Ashton posted on Twitter a series of foul-mouthed rants and vague threats about the offense yesterday morning, including:

this SOB owl feces cougar placenta jack bone dick! 8:10 AM yesterday from web

Jack ass 7am building a god damn fort next to my house f’in up my view and noise polluting the entire f’in nieghborhood with pounding steal 8:09 AM yesterday from web

holy moly I’m gonna lose it! 8:07 AM yesterday from web

this ass clown has another thing coming! 8:07 AM yesterday from web

I’m gonna kill my neighbor! 8:06 AM yesterday from web

This morning, Demi backed up her noble prince:

stand by my husband has something up his sleeve! about 1 hour ago from web
7:48 they are working away but they delayed the hammering…nice! about 2 hours ago from web
It’s 7:04 and no hammer to steel just yet. hubbie still sleeping! about 2 hours ago from web

So aside from this being the most juvenile, passive aggressive behavior imaginable (and I don’t want to know what’s up Ashton’s sleeve), it turns out that it took TEN YEARS to build the Kutcher/Moore compound. (Originally just the Moore compound — construction started while Ashton was still in high school.) By comparison, the neighbor in question has been working on his house for six months.

I’m sorry these celebrities are not able to sleep past 8 a.m. on a weekday. Truly, my heart bleeds for them.

29
Jan

President Barack H. Orchid

Sometimes all you need to do is let them talk:

YouTube Preview Image

That was last year. This year?

The capital flew into a bit of a tizzy when, on his first full day in the White House, President Obama was photographed in the Oval Office without his suit jacket. There was, however, a logical explanation: Mr. Obama, who hates the cold, had cranked up the thermostat.

“He’s from Hawaii, O.K.?” said Mr. Obama’s senior adviser, David Axelrod, who occupies the small but strategically located office next door to his boss. “He likes it warm. You could grow orchids in there.”

So what President Hothouse Flower Obama really meant to say during the campaign was that we can’t drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times, unless we’re from Hawaii.

In a similar vein: Everybody should pay their taxes on time, unless they’re going to run the IRS. Lobbyists won’t find jobs in the Obama White House, unless they do. Words mean things, unless they don’t. It’s easy when you just stop thinking. Give it a try!

(Hat tip: Hot Air)

P.S. In pointing out what Obama said 8 months ago, I missed what Obama said yesterday:

After his daughters got a snow day Wednesday, President Barack Obama wants to see a little bit of “flinty, Chicago toughness” applied locally.”When it comes to the weather, folks in Washington don’t seem to be able to handle things,” a joking Obama told reporters Wednesday morning.

“My children’s school was canceled today because of what? Some ice.”

Yeah, just turn up the thermostat and it’ll all melt away.

(Hat tip: Commenter Jenn)

29
Jan

PETA, Be Warned: Perez Is Playing Both Sides

perez_fur_uggs_grab

The festering muck that passes for Perez Hilton’s brain probably had some help from big-bucks advertiser PETA in writing this post that attacks Michelle Obama’s inauguration dress designer:

We are assuming that Mrs. Obama did NOT know that Jason Wu, the guy who designed her inaugural ball gown, plans to use fur ’significantly’ in his next collection.

Wu boasted in a new interview, “I’m doing a significant fur collection, and the message will be all about luxury. Fashion is also sort of escapism, and women need beautiful dresses to lose themselves in.”

Can we say out of touch and KILLER?

In these sh*t times people are kinda hating on those over-priced luxe goods!

And, yeah, you supporting murder’s not cool, Jason.

I sort of feel that Perez is the last person who should be complaining about conspicuous consumerism, but that is not my point today. The point is that when you look at the screen grab above (click it to see the full-size version), you’ll notice an ad from PETA in the $10,000-a-week slot on the right — and another ad for UGG sheepskin boots directly below the post.

Where do you suppose they get the sheepskin? Do you suppose they ask the sheep really nicely?

And how do you think Perez went from nothing to owning a website worth $4.6-million in a matter of years? Hint: By not refusing advertising dollars, no matter whence they came. Cha-ching.

28
Jan

Lindsay Lohan Ate Two Full Meals At Some Point

lindsay_lohan_january09I’ve been seeing more and more reports about Lindsay Lohan’s plummeting weight, and typically when you get that kind of saturation on a story, it’s probably true. OK! Magazine doesn’t seem to have my favorite story online, but in the February 2 print edition, under the headline “Their Sick Contest”:

The more heavily Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson weigh on each other’s minds, the lighter they are on the scale. “Sam has gotten so thin from Red Bull, cigarettes and stress related to life with Lindsay,” the DJ’s friend tells OK!. “Lindsay is bad for Sam’s health.”

Since the two went public with their tumultuous relationship last May, each has competed to be skinnier than the other, says a pal of the 22-year-old actress. “Lindsay is obsessed with her weight; it’s hard to be with another woman and not compare bodies,” the source tells OK!. “And Sam herself loves being skinny and prefers Lindsay super-lean.”

Lindsay’s rep goes on in the article to deny the story and stress that “Lindsay is fine.”

But then yesterday, to continue to refute the claim, that same rep told Page Six:

“Lindsay is aware that she’s lost some weight due to stress, but we recently did a photo shoot and she ate two full meals.”

So there you have it. Sometime recently, Lindsay ate two full meals. It might have been days ago, but meals were eaten so she’s not the pro-ana poster child you think she is.

On the other hand, maybe we need to call the intervention machine of Amy Poehler and Tina Fey back in.

27
Jan

PETA Punts with Pumpkin Pitch

Hey, Ingrid’s at it again!

NBC pulled the plug on a PETA pro-veggie commercial planned for the Super Bowl because it “depicts a level of sexuality exceeding our standards,” according to NBC Universal’s advertising standards executive, Victoria Morgan. The ad, which carries the tagline, “Studies Show Vegetarians Have Better Sex,” shows lingerie-clad stunners getting “intimate” with vegetables. One shot depicts an actress “rubbing her pelvic region with a pumpkin.”

YouTube Preview Image

Says a PETA rep: “PETA’s veggie ads are locked out, while ads for fried chicken and burgers are allowed, even though these foods make Americans fat, sick and boring in bed.”

Well, maybe that’s because fast-food ads don’t show lingerie models rubbing Big Macs all over themselves and licking french fries suggestively. Would that it were so… But then, even McDonald’s isn’t as desperate for attention as PETA.

Great ad, though. “Studies show.” I’d like to see how these studies are conducted. By which I mean being in the same room, perhaps with a video camera. Just imagine the hot, forbidden sexy talk these vegetarians must whisper to each other to make things dangerous and exciting: “Sometimes I wonder if global warming is even real.” “Ooooh baby, recite another Paula Deen recipe.” “Oh God, oh God… not that He exists.” “Yes, yes, hybrids are for dorks!”

By the way, has anybody told the lions and wolves and so forth about this whole thing? They probably thought they were doing fine, but PETA knows better.

Check it out, ladies, here’s your all-night vegan lover:

moby

You’re welcome! And don’t worry, fellas, here’s one for you:

yuck

What’s that? Well, you’re wrong. Studies show.

27
Jan

Tyra: Prostitution Is Bad Unless You’re a Contestant on ANTM

YouTube Preview Image

Tyra revisited one of her favorite subjects — prostitution — on her talk show last week. It’s a topic she brings up several times a year and it’s always the same lesson: Girls who get involved in sex working suffer from low self-esteem and are emotionally vulnerable and victimized by the most influential people in their lives.

But The Tyra Banks Show is not the supermodel’s only source of golden eggs, and what was good for the golden goose wasn’t always good for the golden gander.

Last season on America’s Next Top Model, Tyra and company sent the girls into the Red Light District of Amsterdam — the world capitol of prostitution. (Clip above.) The contestants’ challenge there was to pose in the window of a shop while a cast of male judges watched and debated who was doing the best job selling herself.

Erm. Nothing like a little glamorization to send a mixed message.

(Props to reader Katy W. for spotting the ongoing Typocrisy!)

26
Jan

Oprah, Blago. Blago, Oprah.

oprah_blagoIllinois Governor Rod “NPD” Blagojevich played hooky from the first day of his impeachment trial today, taking his case to the nation with appearances on The Today Show, Good Morning America, Fox News, and I don’t even know where else. It sounds like he was a big hit:

Talk show host Oprah Winfrey said this morning she was “pretty amused” by Gov. Rod Blagojevich’s comment this morning that he had considered appointing her to the U.S. Senate seat vacated by President Barack Obama.

She had intended to watch his appearance on ABC’s “Good Morning America,” but decided to spend an extra half [hour? day?] in bed, she said in an interview on Sirius XM radio’s “Gayle King Show.”

“If I had been watching as I normally watch from the treadmill, I probably would have fallen off the treadmill,” she said.

That might actually be a good tactic if we ever go to war with China. Just go on TV and say something Oprah isn’t expecting — like maybe, “Doritos actually rev up your metabolism” — and she’ll fall off her poor treadmill, plummet through the earth’s crust, and explode up through Chinese soil, triggering the nuclear device tucked into her dewlap. Victory!

Anyway:

Asked what she would have said to such an offer, she responded. “Where would I fit it in with my day job, my midday job, my night job, my radio job….”

On the other hand, she said she felt fully capable to represent the people of Illinois in the U.S. Senate.

“I think I could be senator, too,” she said. “I’m just not interested.”

Why not, Ope? You’ve already got the perfect, time-tested logo just waiting for you:

obamalogo

Now that you’ve gotten the hang of buying an election for somebody else, why not get some of that action for yourself?

26
Jan

Dr. Bijou Phillips Tells Depressed People to ‘Get Over It’

bijou_phillipsBijou Phillips, aka “Who In The What Now?”, has taken a hard line against the prescription of antidepressants. After completing years of study at a top medical school and clinical trials on the long-term effects of Prozac and Zoloft, she has released her groundbreaking findings to international acclaim and consensus.

Nah, just kidding, she’s a Scientologist.

“My grandparents didn’t take any pills, and they were fine,” Phillips said in the February issue of Paper. “Just buck up and get over it. Stop being such a f-cking pansy.”

Interesting, then, that she seems to be of questionable mental stability herself. As filmmaker James Toback, who directed her in race drama Black and White, told Salon:

Bijou Phillips — you never knew what the f-ck she would say or do next. There is no line between her unconscious and her articulation of it and her behavior. She is a genuine psychopath. I say that with affection and admiration, because she’s also incredibly smart and talented, so she knows how to amuse and how to get and hold attention. If she were just a psychopath, you wouldn’t want to use her; you’d just be bored. But she is always kind of amusing and interesting, and if one thing isn’t working she has a good sense of it, and she just starts on something else.

Whether or not he meant it literally, I will take it as such. Do you really want a psychopath to dispense mental-health advice?

25
Jan

“Anti-Fur” Posh Spice Is Completely Full of Shiz (and Covered in Dead Fox)

Fur hag?I swear if Victoria’s Secret Spice Beckham Posh-a-Lot told me she was born on this planet, I’d start believing in extraterrestrials. She’s just that full of it.

First we caught her talking about keeping herself out of the sun. (‘Cause sunlight’’s bad, m’kay…?) While she was visiting tanning salons on the side.

Then she kicked it up a notch by working with Marc Jacobs on a line of t-shirts to benefit a New York University cancer research group. (‘Cause cancer’s bad, m’kay…?)

While smoking like a chimney.

And last month Posh went all PETA on Liz Hurley, claiming some sort of Girl Power moral high ground about fur. Liz Hurley models it. Posh says she only wears faux. (‘Cause wearing fur is bad, m’kay…?)

I bet you know what’s coming.

On Thursday, Poshity-Posh-Posh was photographed arriving at the airport in Milan wearing the ensemble at right.

Mmm Hmmm.

Over at Dlisted, Michael K’s readers are vigorously debating the question: Is it real?

So I did something kinda cool. I’m actually proud of myself here.

I called six furriers yesterday, and asked them. Two were in New York. One was in Washington, DC. One was in Las Vegas. And the other two were in Los Angeles.

All six explained that there’s simply no way this photo could be of a “faux” fur, since the garment is made up of a variety of colors and lengths of hairs. Which, I suppose, makes sense. The consensus is that Posh is wearing “red fox” (not Redd Foxx). I’ve never owned a fur, but here’s what real fox fur looks like. And here’s what fake fox looks like.

I think it’s obvious which one matches Posh’s style. The fake stuff probably feels like a velvet Elvis painting without the paint.

Two of the furriers I spoke with said that the hairs in Posh’s wrap looked too “lifelike” (yes, they both used that word) to be synthetic. One of the New York guys sells both real and fake furs. He told me that “if anyone could make a fake fur that looked that good, I’d never sell another $5,000 coat. Just $400 knock-offs.”

I’m convinced. You?




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