First some rich jerk makes you fight other dogs so he and his friends can bet on it. If you don’t perform to his liking, he’s liable to electrocute you with a car battery or drown you in a bucket of water or just slam you on the ground until you’re dead. You manage to get out of that awful situation and find a new life with people who treat you with love and kindness, but then you have to deal with another bunch of lunatics. From the Dec. 23 Sports Illustrated:

The dog approaches the outstretched hand. Her name is Sweet Jasmine, and she is 35 pounds of twitchy curiosity with a coat the color of fried chicken, a pink nose and brown eyes. She had spent a full 20 seconds studying this five-fingered offering before advancing. Now, as she moves forward, her tail points straight down, her butt is hunched toward the ground, her head is bowed, her ears pinned back. She stands at maybe three quarters of her height.

She gets within a foot of the hand and stops. She licks her snout, a sign of nervousness, and looks up at the stranger, seeking assurance. She looks back to the hand, licks her snout again and begins to extend her neck. Her nose is six inches away from the hand, one inch, half an inch. She sniffs once. She sniffs again. At this point almost any other dog in the world would offer up a gentle lick, a sweet hello, an invitation to be scratched or petted. She’s come so far. She’s so close.

But Jasmine pulls away.

PETA wanted Jasmine dead. Not just Jasmine, and not just PETA. The Humane Society of the U.S., agreeing with PETA, took the position that Michael Vick’s pit bulls, like all dogs saved from fight rings, were beyond rehabilitation and that trying to save them was a misappropriation of time and money. “The cruelty they’ve suffered is such that they can’t lead what anyone who loves dogs would consider a normal life,” says PETA spokesman Dan Shannon. “We feel it’s better that they have their suffering ended once and for all.”

That’s right: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is against the ethical treatment of these abused animals. Read the whole thing to learn what’s been done for these dogs since they were freed, and the loving homes they’ve found. It turns out — and I didn’t know this — that pit bulls are actually great family dogs when they’re cared for properly. Even after the horrible abuse they’ve suffered, a lot of these dogs are doing great. There’s one little guy named Zippy in that story who I wish I could scratch behind the ears right now. (That’s right, ol’ Simon is a dog guy. You got a problem with that?)

Anyway. PETA is against all pet ownership. As their founder Ingrid Newkirk says: “Pet ownership is an absolutely abysmal situation brought about by human manipulation.” If you own a dog or a cat or even a goldfish, PETA thinks you’re basically a war criminal. As opposed to, say, killing them and dumping their corpses behind a Piggly Wiggly. That’s the way to go, really.

(Hat tip: Deceiver reader Nicole)