I really don’t relish the thought of poking fun at a raging alcoholic. But it’s not just that Tara “goose-shaped eggs” Reid has a problem. It’s that with all the money she’s made, you’d think she could hire someone to just carry her around when she’s sloppy drunk so her stiletto heels don’t get caught in the sidewalk cracks. So pitting her against the awesome, L. Ron Hubbard-enhanced superhuman that is Tom Cruise just seemed like the humane thing to do. Like when your SUV hits a deer. Better to get it over with quickly so you don’t have to watch it squirm.
There I go again … on to the epic battle.
Tom Cruise initially came in as a #5 seed because he got as litigious as a Scientologist to protect his late father’s reputation from that wascally wabbit Dr. Drew Pinsky. Too bad Cruise was already on the record saying things that were just as mean about dear ol’ Dad. Remember back when Cruise was a heartthrob and not a Scientology-spewing lunatic? Yeah, it seems like forever ago to us too.
There was also that little thing where Cruise talked up a charity aimed at helping poisoning victims who were exposed to toxic chemicals on 9/11. It seemed so gosh-darned altruistic at the time. Too bad it was just another Scientology front.
Next to all that, 12-seed Tara Reid’s Deceiver résumé may seem a bit thin. The American Pie actress hasn’t really had a hit since rising to fame in 1999 other than drink and pass out. Just don’t call her an alcoholic. She hates that. Besides, it’s all the media’s fault.
This poll — and today’s seven other Round 1 matchups — will be open for 24 hours. Updated Brackets will be posted tomorrow.
Deceiver Madness '09 Round 1 (Stars & Starlets bracket): Pick the bigger hypocrite
- Tom Cruise (5) (86%)
- Tara Reid (12) (14%)
Loading ...REMINDER: Voting is hard work, so we’re “rocking” said vote with prize drawings every Friday. Leave a comment below (with a valid e-mail address) telling everyone how you voted and why. Somebody’s going to win. Why not you?
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Tom Cruise gets my vote. He is a smug, ill informed preacher who is so full of himself that the sight of him turns my stomach. Tara Reid on the other hand, is a minimally talented drunk who was stupid enough to throw away her career, body, and health, so she can’t be expected to have brains enough to hire someone to carry her around and hold her hair back when she pukes up the Jell-O shots. She’s tragic, he’s an ass. Easy choice.
Tara’s not so much of a hypocrite as she is in need of help.
Tom Cruise is the messiah of a toxic cult. I see no better reason to vote for him. He will do more damage to the public than Tara Reid’s anthics.
Again – Anything $cientology gets my vote!
$cientology for the win.
I agree… Tara just needs help. Scientology is not a religion!
Tom Cruise got my vote, poor Tara Reid no one wants her around for long here either.
Reid, what a loon.
Sorry Tara you just can’t compete with a pro like TC
When you’re a Deceiver reader, and you drive by an accident, you know you have to do something about it, because you know you’re the only one who can really vote for the wanker.
Tom, because I think America’s gotten to the point where we just feel sorry for Tara.
Tom Cruise is a terrifying. Nuff said.
Tom, because I hate midgits and I want to kick him right in the nuts.
Tara Reid is definitely a flash in the pan, and if people will ignore her, maybe she’ll actually get her act together.
Slam dunk. Don’t pick the 12-5 upset here.
Tom Cruise is a total nutcase and just needs to give it up already.
Tom is a grade A idiot with his Scientology stuff. Why do people continue to watch his movies?
Tara can’t help herself. I think she has pickeled her brain. Tom is a “religious” fanatic, and fanatics are always hypocrites.
Tom. Maybe Tara will learn from this loss and, in revenge, go on the next Celeb Rehab with Dr Drew. That’d be sticking it to His Cruiseness!
Tom C. but don’t say it too loud or we might all disappear.
Tom, because I really use to like him in the 80’s and 90’s when he was hot. Now he just gets on my nerves, especially with “Kate”. I think she looks drugged all the time now.
I went with Tom “Prophet of Xenu” Cruise.
I just pity Tara, while Tom masquerades good deeds as religious fronts. I think he and Mama O are in cahoots to take over the world.
Cruise. I can’t stand Scientology.
Cruise because he’s a religious fanatic and that’s just scary to me.
Tom. One question, are Tara’s stiletto heels higher or lower than Tom’s lifts?
Reid is just sad. Cruise is creepy
Ms. Reid had no chance in this one.
Isn’t the latin work for hypocrite actually “scientology”? No?! Should be! Tom in a landslide…
Oh, Tommy Boy, fer shure. The whole CoS yellow-tent pseudo-helper thing puts it right over the top. Last time I checked, Tara, while struggling with problems, is only hurting herself (so far, please don’t drink and drive), while the CoS is responsible for illegal atrocities.
Tom. Purely because of his self promotion. Shut up already. No one cares. Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
I think “hypocrite” status, while equal-opportunity, is more striking when you actually know or care who the person is. As in this case. I only know Tara Reid as a D-lister who can’t get into nightclubs, while Cruise…has his own Death Star parked somewhere. A teensy, tiny little Death Star. Stocked with stilts and high-heeled boots. And VITAMINS!
Cruise = Creepy
Too bad that even if a pill to fight hypocrisy was invented, he couldn’t be cured — I too voted for the short man.
I’m picking Tara Reid because she always stops drinking just long enough to say she doesn’t drink but then she’s back on the wagon.
Tom Cruise.
I would state my opinion, but then the Scientologists would remove me from my home due to a pending copyright claim.
Cruise gets my hopping-on-the-couch level 3 vote!
Tom Cruise wins. Because I saw that South Park episode about Scientology and now I’m really, really scared.
Tom Cruise. At least Tara used to be hot…back in the days. Back in the 90’s, to be exact. Can somebody plz bring back the 90’s?
Tara is just too pathetic to vote for.
Tom Cruise. He’s a lunatic, especially his views on mental health thanks to the CO$.
Tara’s just a pathetic has-been teen star that at least tries again and again to clean up her act but yet just fails miserably.
Maybe if Reid sought assistance through Scientology. . .
Tom Cruise all the way on this one!