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12
Mar
09

John Edwards Gives Textbook Example of Johnedwardsianism

The philandering philanthropist spoke at Brown University last night, and for the first time since that unfortunate bit of business last year, he took unscreened questions from an audience. Nobody asked directly about Rielle Hunter and the baby he put in her while he was running for President of the United States. But, as the Daily Beast reports (emphasis in the original):

One student, however, came close: Emilie Aries, a senior at Brown concentrating in political science, who had volunteered for the Edwards campaign for about a year, going door-to-door for him in New Hampshire.

“So as someone who believed in you,” she said, “I really wanted to afford you the opportunity to speak on something that I think Joe Trippi, your former campaign manager, explains pretty well toward the end of his book, The Revolution Will Not Be Televised. And in there, he says something about the American public judging candidates to hold a higher moral standard, on a higher moral standard, than they would judge normal people in our daily lives.”

Prepare yourself for a huge shock:

Edwards didn’t give a direct answer. He said, “I don’t think it’s for me to impose my judgment on anybody about what they can consider and what they can’t consider. I think that I have my own view, which I’m going to keep to myself tonight, but I think in the long run it is enormously important for us to have the best thinkers, the most visionary people, and people who know where the country needs to go and where the world needs to go, I think that is absolutely crucial for America and the world.”

He’s had all this time to sit around and come up with some sort of answer, and this is all he’s got? He might as well have said “Watermelon, cantaloupe, cantaloupe, watermelon” over and over for 45 seconds.

Did she buy it? Nope:

Afterward, Aries said she was less than satisfied. She was hoping for a fuller apology from the former candidate…

“It’s stupid that we all have to sit in there thinking the same thing and nobody actually talks about it,” she said.

Welcome to 2009, young lady! Facts and ideology are like oil and water, and sometimes even slimier.

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14 Responses to “John Edwards Gives Textbook Example of Johnedwardsianism”


  1. 1 LMAO Mar 12th, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    *Gsap* Someone is disappointed with a nothing answer loaded with misdirection and empty words from liberal….

    Welcome to our world dearie!

  2. 2 Chronic Malanga Mar 12th, 2009 at 5:11 pm

    I have to give her credit for asking,though the answer, coming from a douche like him especially, should not have surprised her. However, it should make her think carefully about what she does put her faith in.

  3. 3 Beige Mar 12th, 2009 at 5:16 pm

    Yeah, I was just going to say that she fairly tactfully gave him a chance to undouchify himself, and he chose instead to Massengill it up like a real champ instead. Good work with all that, JE. Gooooooooood work.

    Why is he even taking–or for that matter, being offered–speaking engagements anywhere, anyway? Is he that clueless, or that brazen? I’ve heard his poor wife defend him; I hope she absolutely tears itty bitty strips off him from now ’til the end of time. SUCH a jackass.

  4. 4 Kristine Mar 12th, 2009 at 5:28 pm

    Once a psycho with bad hair, always a psycho with bad hair.

  5. 5 Lara Mar 12th, 2009 at 6:27 pm

    Why didn’t she let him have it, if it was unscreened questions? Silly girl.

  6. 6 Habanada Mar 12th, 2009 at 6:53 pm

    I wasn’t prepared enough for that shock, Simon. Maybe you should have put it in all capitals: “HUGE SHOCK.” Because, like, I still fell out of my chair and everything, I was so unprepared for the hugeness of that shock.

  7. 7 Fortunate Son Mar 12th, 2009 at 6:59 pm

    Occasionally I enjoy dislocating my shoulder to pat myself on the back, so I thought I’d revisit my August 7 comments before this story broke.

    Speaking of which, where are Andrew and Cherie Young?

    “Fortunate Son
    Aug 7th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
    All this talk about a coverup got me thinking about how I, as a millionaire with a mistress, would smooth this over if I were John Edwards:

    #1. I’d get everyone involved out of town immediately, preferably a non-English speaking country, but if that fails, a big, anonymous city, like LA.

    #2. I’d send an unimpeachable source (Cheri Young) over to commiserate and rapport build with my wife, assuring her that Andrew Young was responsible, and thank her for being so upstanding about the issue, but after a few sessions, I’d have the unimpeachable source taper contact with my wife. Why remind her, after all? It was my bumbling aide that made the mistake, betrayed his beautiful, HOT young wife, and ruined his career, after all.

    #3. I’d isolate everyone involved, place them in corporate housing, give them cushy jobs where they were overcompensated, and had little contact with the outside world, no contact with the press, and zero opportunity to ever leave these jobs.

    #4. I’d get a top notch suit-happy lawyer and channel all contact and payment through that lawyer, making certain that all parties signed bulletproof nondisclosures, were paid with an untraceable source, and had a huge annual financial incentives to never ever spill the beans.

    #5. I’d assign a 24 hour minder (Andrew Young) to my hippie yoga guru loving mistress (Rielle) and I’d make sure she didn’t leave the house without calling him.

    I wouldn’t let her purchase any devices which could be used to record anything, I’d monitor every email she sent out and phone call made, I’d sweep her house for bugs once a week, copying her hard drive, and I’d arrange for private, secure garbage pickup.

    I’d also give the minder more money than the mistress because, trust me, he’d be earning it.

    #6. I would never, ever take a DNA test for any reason, as the courts couldn’t compel one if I always denied paternity, and I’d routinely avoid excreting DNA around the mistress, and I’d instruct my kids to do so also, giving them a huge allowance boost.

    I’d take used kleenex, dental floss, and half eaten sandwiches with me, flush the toilet four times, and be careful about touching anything printable and insist on washing my own dishes wearing dish gloves. I also might shave my body and head, or use very heavy hairspray to avoid leaving any telltale DNA.

    #7. I’d refuse to ever address the issue, neither denying, nor affirming, rather, avoiding. I’d avoid any court appearances that involved discovery, and I would never, ever be pictured in public with the mistress.

    #8. Every day I’d bash my head against the wall that I picked such a flaky person to cheat on my wife with. Just one internet search and I would’ve known my mistress was penniless celebrity seeking ex cocaine addict who couldn’t keep her mouth shut.

    But it would be too late.”

  8. 8 Fortunate Son Mar 12th, 2009 at 7:01 pm

    Conveniently enough, Emilie Aries is also a six foot tall supermodel/volleyball player.

    I think I’m in love.

    http://www.brownbears.com/sports/w-volley/mtt/aries_emilie00.html

  9. 9 Mr. Sleepyhead Mar 12th, 2009 at 7:02 pm

    Politicians always behave if they are above the law and shouldn’t be bothered bus pesky peons, as do actors, actresses and many Wall Street financiers. These folks blow more bull than blow flowing from the Mexican drug cartels. At least the illegal blow is addictive – this BS keeps just piling up higher and higher and I’m tired of the smell.

  10. 10 Rocko Mar 12th, 2009 at 10:36 pm

    This whole situation reminds me of those gorilla commercials.

  11. 11 Snoop-Diggity-DANG-Dawg Mar 12th, 2009 at 11:10 pm

    If I may address the ladies here for just one minute:

    This may sound odd from a guy, but if I may, I’d like for you to consider for a few moments the benefits of purchasing the John Edwards Forever-Douche, by F.E. Johnson & Co. It’s personalized and re-usable (eco-friendy!), guranteed to be the last douche you’ll ever need. Order in the next 20 minutes and you’ll receive a handy carrying tote (or ‘bag’ in industry-speak).

    And mega-kudos, Fortunate Son. Now about that stock market….

  12. 12 bigmama Mar 13th, 2009 at 2:04 pm

    Yeah, Snoop-Diggity, that sounds nice but then all us women would be pregnant with illegitimate chillins and have well-coiffed but stiff pubic hair.

  13. 13 Beige Mar 13th, 2009 at 2:11 pm

    Well, y’all can just rock ME to sleep tonight. Because GAAAAAHHHHHHH.

  14. 14 Happy Camper Mar 13th, 2009 at 4:58 pm

    Fortunate Son, I love it.

    Mr. SleepyHead. It isn’t just politicians. You’d be real surprised what you Drs, Lawyers, Merchants and Chiefs were up to.

Opinions expressed in these comments are those of the commenters, and probably don't represent the views of your humble Deceiver bloggers. If your comment doesn't appear right away, please be patient. We "moderate" comments to sift out spam, obscenities, and harassment.

All (civil) opinions are welcome. And if you can't be civil, at least be entertaining!




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