I know I used these exact same words to describe Jeremy Piven, but come on: Does anyone on earth right now illustrate the meaning of “douchebag” better than Mario “Perez” jello-head?
Maybe — just maybe — Lynne Spears.
The blubbery blabbermouth Perez Hilton went to court once or twice or thrice last year, bought a dog from a breeder after speaking out against that practice, and got caught trading yanky-my-wanky videos for blogging influence, all without losing a single pound or explaining just why he became anything more than a punchline.
Perez’s real last name (Lavanderia) means “laundry.” Does he look pressed and starched? Ever? I’m just saying. He’s the five-seed in this bracket. Could have been lower.
Meanwhile, Britney and Jamie Lynn’s mom published a crappy book about how awful the tabloid world is for capitalizing on her daughters’ fame — and proceeded to milk it, milk it, milk it into a vehicle for capitalizing on her daughter’s fame.
Oh, yeah. And she became a grandma at 53. Back in the day, that was actually pretty normal. You know, back when “pregnant” plus “under 25″ equaled “Here Comes the Bride.” But nowadays, it’s not so cool. At least in Spears’s case. ‘Cause raising two teens with barn-doors for knees still ain’t nothing to be proud of. (There’s a song in there somewhere…)
This poll — and today’s seven other Round 1 matchups — will be open for 24 hours. Updated Brackets will be posted tomorrow.
Deceiver Madness '09 Round 1 (Douchebags bracket): Pick the bigger hypocrite
- Perez Hilton (5) (65%)
- Lynne Spears (12) (35%)
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I just don’t understand why Perez is famous.
Just the picture is enough…
Perez gets my vote, not just for his douchebaggery, but because for two days he was spreading the Fidel Castro is dead rumor without a speck of verification. As a child of Cuban exiles, I have spent all 35 years of my life on the edge of my seat waiting for that bastard to die horribly, and this one rumor, which had Miami on the verge of celebration and my grandmother on the verge of a heart attack was the most cruel of them all. He should be ashamed to be Cuban, and I am ashamed that he is Cuban.
Lynn Spears is a bad mother, a hypocrite, and a douche in her own right, but when compared to Perez Hilton and all the hypocrisy he wallows in, as well as his Castro rumor, there is no contest.
I go with Chronic on this but I would like to add that Perez is nothing by a free-riding parasite. I just want to see him gone and he got my vote.
I went with the mo over the ho.
I went with Spears over Perez. Again, tough choice but the whole whoring of the kids (Jaime Lyyn and Brittany) gets to me. Kind of like Dina.
Pulling for Lynne, because Perez doesn’t rate any kind of recognition whatsoever. He’s the kind of guy who dresses up his blow-up party doll to look like himself.
Whew! What a tough call! I ended up voting for Perez, but both are such worthy deceivers, I can’t be too upset if Lynne pulls off the upset.
Lynne Spears’ behavior has disturbed me for too many years. I had to vote for her.
Lynn. We need to charge her with crimes against humanity for bringing in two losers into this world.
Becoming a grandma at 53 isn’t very scandalous, even today. That’s two generations of first children at 26.5, which is only slightly below typical (in 2000, the average age of a married mother at the birth of her first child in the US was 27.1. For unwedded mothers, the average age was almost 4 years younger)
This is not meant to be a defense of any other trait of Lynne Spears’ personality.
ha ha Beige. Enjoyed that one. I too voted Perez.
I had to go with Perez. He is like human milk of magnesia…will induce vomiting.
I feel shame whenever I peruse Perez. He really is everything that is wrong with America. I stopped (ok, slowed down) reading his site when I saw him post a photo of Marcia Cross buying an enema for her husband who has cancer. I realized that because of the machine Perez put in place, celebrities have almost zero privacy, even in the most mundane situations.
Chronic Malanga’s spiel swayed my vote.
I second Queen Bee – well said.
Despite her utter uselessness, the Spears mom has managed to worm her way into may awareness through traditional media, so I guess she earned the vote.
Perez is just so much of a waste of air that he got my vote hands down.
Spears – she actually thinks she is a good mom
This was the second easiest vote for me so far (PETA was number one). Perez needs to go away. I used to enjoy his sight, but I just can’t stand anything that has to do with him anymore. I’m glad his 15 minutes of fame seem to be dwindling.
Wow, I hear ya Chronic. I hope that the Cuban people will get their island back again some day soon. I had an ethics teacher a few years ago who pretty much changed my mind about the embargo too, he suggested that if it was lifted, and the Cuban people still lived in poverty, that it would show that it really is Castro who is keeping them poor and oppressed, not America like he says. It made some sense to me.
Dang, this one was hard! They’re both insufferable douches, I couldn’t pick. I just closed my eyes and clicked.
P.S. The day Martha Stewart had Perez on her show and treated him like a blogging celebrity and told everyone to go to his blog, was the first indication that I needed to break my ties with Martha. :-p
I went with Perez, his evil is palpable.
Perez Hilton needs to go away.
Only Piven can outdouche Perez.
Yes, a tough one. Had to go with Perez because, well, quite frankly, he sucks.
A close one for me, but I had to go with Mama Spears. I mean really, whining because the paps are doing to your kids exactly what you prostituted them for is pretty hypocritical. Perez is just a wanker and I don’t know why anyone would take him seriously no matter what he’s touting.
Thanks, Jannah.
Not to get all off topic and political here, but I agree that the embargo has actually made Cuba out to be a victim in this whole thing for years, because everyone likes to blame America for their poverty, even over here in Europe, where they don’t want Cuba to be free because then the natives might be allowed onto the beaches where the tourists go to play.
But we still have family there that depend on us for money and medicine. Half of any money sent goes to the government automatically. And for a country so known for the production of pharmeceuticals and wonderful medical care, the natives there don’t get either. My great uncle died depending on us for pain killers hidden in Vitamin B bottles when he was in the last stages of cancer, while another great aunt had to walk 70 miles to get to the hospital for a surgery. She died of shock on the table due to a lack of anesthetic.
Anyhow, I’ll shut up now! Back to our regularly scheduled voting! Cause we can do it here!
Abosolutely Perez! He’s horrible.
the only thing worse than douchey, no-talent hacks becoming famous is a douchey, no-talent hack becoming famous off of the fame of douchey, no-talent hacks. perez.
Perez is an untalented bully, when I saw him in that Dolly Parton video, I died a little inside.
this was hard…. my perez hatred is growing every day… but exploiting your kids and having one on the looney bin with her life full of shit and serious problems and a teenage mom and then claim to be a good mom it’s for the higher leagues of hypocrisy and social scum and lynne deserves to be there
Perez just ’cause he fits the catagory better.
I really hope that if you just stop listening to Perez, he’ll go away.
Chronic, Perez is Cuban? I wonder what he smokes.
I just voted for Paris Hilton, now I’m voting for Perez Hilton – I know I’m voting for them for a BAD reason, so I shouldn’t feel weird… but I still can’t help feeling sullied by this.
Oh, CM. I am so sorry.
Perez. He even has the “douchebag” look.
Perezzel.
Perez. Because he is the epitome of douchiness. There is none douchier, though Piven aspires mightily.
Lynne got my vote for cashing in on her kids shamelessly.
Pasta, he’s not smoking the good cigars!
I voted Perez, especially because now that he’s quit smoking he feels the need to slam all the celebrities for it. Not to mention, he’s suddenly super thin and I highly doubt its without the aid of his former vice, meth.
You have to be a pretty large, crazy, over the top douche to beat out a Spears in the douchebag category…Congrats you pink haired bastard…YOU WIN!
Lynne, mainly on the basis of her ruining the lives of her daughters. Perez is a danger to nobody but himself.
I gotta go with the bad mother.
PEREZ for sure! hes become such an annoying famewhore!
I chose Perez Hilton.
perez, cus he just sucks
Lynne Spears. If Britney wasn’t reason enough to not write the book, Jamie Lynn steps forward as the emphasis.
I vote for Perez Hilton. He’s way more annoying. And ugly. And he’s seen more than Mommy Spears. So yeah.
Tough call, but the female gender should just know better than to act like that. Guys are just plain stupid (I should know, I am one).
If I can’t decide, I’ll always go with the trainwreck that gave birth to another trainwreck.
The Tick………AKA Perez.
I voted for Perez. His “blog” sucks ( I know ’cause I lurked. 1 time. I’m completely ashamed of myself).
Perez, because he’s a Hilton.