In honor of all eligible Lohans making it into the next round of Deceiver Madness, I thought I’d share some of the news in Lindsay Lohan’s world this week.
First, a follow-up to a very old story: That college student whose $11,000 mink Lindsay stole has received an undisclosed settlement from LiLo, thus proving that if Lindsay is going to wear fur against her principles, it’s just cheaper to buy your own.
Which leads me to the second story. You may be wondering where out-of-work Lindsay is getting the money to pay off plantiffs. It may be from her upcoming line of self-tanners:
The star, who last year branched out from acting with a successful line of leggings, is known for her ever-present bronze glow, which she shows off to full effect in the ad. And the quest for a perfect fake bake is precisely what led her to create her own. “As much as I love the sun,” she says, “it is so bad for your skin. I have tried every product on the market and never found something that I loved.” Until, that is, she met spray tanner Lorit Simon. “She had an amazing tanning formula that over the years we continued to perfect,” Lindsay reveals of the partnership. “It was important to me to have a natural product that didn’t have a lot of dyes and chemicals. Our product has goji berry extract which has antioxidant properties, it has a natural golden color, it doesn’t streak and smells delicious — not like a typical tanning product.” The $35 spray will become available exclusively in Sephora stores on the first of May — with an early web launch on Sephora.com on April 15.
As Celebitchy acknowledges, there’s a certain delicious irony in Lindsay’s sudden concern about putting chemicals in her body. News to us.
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Aside from the obvious chemical hypocrisy coming from a girl who can inhale Columbia through a straw, most of her self tanning escapades have gone horribly wrong.
That has GOT to be the most horrifically weird-looking photo of her, ever. Which by definition makes it the weirdest photo of a non-Jocelyn-Wildenstein person, ever.
The real question is how does a college student score an eleven grand coat? I ate Ramen noodles in college.
I’d wager she didn’t get it from working at Denny’s over summer break.
If I wanted to look like a crack ho, she’s thee one I’d look to.
FS, you could afford Ramen noodles? You must have been rich!
Ramen Noodles! I haven’t had those since college when I would basically empty out my car looking for change to buy them with. Ramen is the ultimate hangover cure.
And yes, Beige, that is a bizarre photo of Lindsay. It doesn’t even look like her. It’s a bobblehead.
Yeah, I remember standing in a Food World aisle at 2 a.m., comparison-shopping various flavors of ramen and wondering if the $8.29 I found in the couch would be better spent on 16 packs of “shrimp” flavor, or 20 packs of “oriental” (?!?) flavor. PeeYUKE.
I love shrimp flavor. The Oriental flavor is just salty, even for Ramen! But yeah, I’ve been there, Beige. During my junior year, I got hold of a case of the stuff, and put half in the trunk of the car and the other half in my apartment.
Ramen noodles? Luxury.
We had to boil a shoebox in water we collected from the lawn sprinklers. And then we fought the stray cats for the scraps.
I give her a consolation prize for trying extra hard to look like a Bratz doll. Though why anyone would want to look like one of those ugly things is beyond me.
The college girl the coat belonged to said she inherited it.
I didn’t do the Ramen Noodle thing much, but I ate plenty of Underwood Ham and Swanson Canned Chicken.
Not because I was a big spender, ohhh nooo. Ramen noodles came in a good-for-nothing plastic wrapper. Canned meat however, was packed in useful little tins which as an art student was damn handy for paint pots and as a source of scrap aluminum to cut up for project material.
Oh, by the by…
Can someone tell me if Lindsay is wearing Clementine #12 or Prison Jumpsuit #20 in that photo above?
It’s spring turkey hunting season here and I thought maybe day-glo skin might be a nice change from wearing stupid ol’ safety blaze camo gear.
@California Dave: HA! I was wondering if the Yorkshiremen would come into play, here. “An’ we had to PAY for the PRIVILEGE!”
@ California Dave: Well, we had it tough. We had half a handful of freezing cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at the mill for fourpence every six years, and when we got home, our Dad would slice us in two with a bread knife.
I’m in college now and I hate Ramen. But then again the whole PBR / Ramen combo doesn’t taste good.
That picture is really scary. Like “Intervention” scary.
“And you try and tell the young people of today that…and they won’t believe you.”
Did she glob extra tanner on those eyebrows and her eyelids?
She looks like she’s been basted.
Let’s go back to the Elizabethan age when pale was sexy. Then you don’t have to worry about skin cancer OR chemicals! And guys will think I’m hawt!
i have a shirt that says “pale is the new tan” i like being pale and i won’t have to worry about getting all wrinkly by the time i’m 30 in 10 years
Actually, Habanada, and you may know this, but they used to paint their faces w/lead, back in those days. It explains some of the inbreeding, I think.
Totally agree that that picture is creepy. I didn’t even recognize her until I read who the post was about.
Does this make spray tans the new celebrity perfume/jewelry lines?
She looks odd in every photo I see of her. I think one of my freinds summed it up best saying that she looks feral. sort of un
I just have to rant here for a moment.
I’ve never needed spray tan. I’m Cuban. Sure, I get pasty in the winter, but fifteen minutes in the sun and I’m set for months. Maybe that’s why I just don’t get fake tanning, because while I recognize that the sun or tanning salons aren’t exactly good for you, and can to an extent, see the appeal of tanning products, I still question why people feel that fair skin is somehow ugly.
There is nothing wrong with a fair complexion. My mother and sister are very attractive women that look nothing like me, starting with the fact that they have flawless, ivory skin. They can get away with any hair color and make up because of it, while I cannot. You can do so much more with your look when you have a skin tone that goes with just about anything. I’m not saying that I don’t like my own olive skin, because I am happy with what I’ve got, but ultra fair skin isn’t by any means unattractive.
The main thing, no matter what your coloring, is that your skin looks healthy. Why would anyone slather this crap all over themselves? Is Oompa Loompa orange supposed to be pretty, especially when it’s patchy and streaked? Fake tanners never look natural. I firmly believe that whatever color you are, you should embrace it, make it work for you, and just keep it healthy.
Rant over. I had to get that out.
CM, I just love you more and more. And I mean that in a purely straight-woman, happily-married, sisterly way. I hope you have pie today.
Awww, Beige, I love you too, in a purely straight, happily married, not at all bi curious way. Thanks. I want some pie… not THAT kind (see above), but the pastry sort with a blueberry filling. Mmmm… where’s that recipe book?
“Let’s go back to the Elizabethan age when pale was sexy. Then you don’t have to worry about skin cancer OR chemicals! And guys will think I’m hawt!”
Beige is right on… many people wore cosmetics to hide the scars from smallpox, and the results often made them look even worse. If you wanted to look the way which was fashionable, chemicals were essential. At least nowadays, we understand these more and our cosmetics are probably far safer than they were back then…Mercury facial peel, anyone?
From http://www.elizabethancostume.net/makeup.html :
This pale skin could be achieved by a number of means, the most popular being ceruse, a mixture of white lead and vinegar that was favored by the nobility and by those who could afford it. … Naturally, spreading lead upon one’s skin caused a variety of skin problems…it made the skin “grey and shrivelled”, and suggesting other popular mixtures such a paste of alum and tin ash, sulpher, and a variety of foundations made using boiled egg white, talc, and other white materials as a base. Egg white, uncooked, could also be used to “glaze” the complexion, creating a smooth shell and helping to hide wrinkles.
Facepaint, generally referred to in period as fucus, came in a variety of reds and was used mainly upon the cheeks and lips. Madder, cochineal, and ochre-based compounds were all used as blush and lip-color, but vermilion (mercuric sulfide) was the most popular choice of the fashionable court lady.
Of course, such heavy and often poisonous make-up caused serious skin damage. Remedies for spots, blemishes, acne and freckles ranged from the application of lemon-juice or rosewater to dubious concoctions of mercury, alum, honey and eggshells. Indeed, washing one’s face with mercury was a common period “facial peel” used to make a woman’s skin soft and fresh. Ass’s milk was another substance favored by the nobility, and mentioned as an ingredient in baths and washes.
Interesting Ani, but since we’re getting all nerdy in our talk…
I was reading last week about England’s early wool industry (geek alert). Anyway, the above article cites alum as a popular makeup ingredient, but that must have been for continental Europe rather than the article’s stated “Elizabethan” peoples.
England had no natural resource of alum on the island and alum trade shut down completely during any year that they decided to war with France. They needed alum as a dye fixative but had to develop a method for extracting aluminum sulfate from shale rock instead.
They quaried shale by pickaxe from Scotland, kiln burned the rocks for nine fricken months, then plunged the hot rocks into kegs of peasant urine and skimmed off the floaties for use as an alum alternative.
So uhmm, basically, I’m thinking I’d rather stick with the Cover Girl stuff.
Yuck she looks like Kiera Knightley. And not in a good way either, considering that Lindsay started out in her career so much curvier than KK
“It was important to me to have a natural product that didn’t have a lot of dyes and chemicals.”
Color me a pale confused – how does a self-tanner change the color of your skin without dyes? Isn’t it dying your skin? How else could a self tanner work?
I prefer my white body with freckles than to have it turn orange. I may be Italian, but the coloring did not get passed on to me. Natural beauty is better.
Wow, photoshop all the way in that picture.
I’d hit it, orange and all
Maybe she’s trying to get picked up by an Oompa-Loompa. Huh? Did anybody think of that? You know, just ’cause they’re small-statured doesn’t mean everything is small . . . and you can easily fit him into your luggage for traveling purposes!