Most of the time I’m not sure who Gwyneth thinks is her audience in her GOOP newsletters — usually she seems to be writing for those in the rarefied air of her own social circle, the types of people who host dinner parties catered by Mario Batali. Today, though, her audience is definitely you and me, folks.
Back in the day, I had a “frenemy” who, as it turned out, was pretty hell-bent on taking me down. This person really did what they could to hurt me.
Hint: She’s talking about the media.
I was deeply upset, I was angry, I was all of those things you feel when you find out that someone you thought you liked was venomous and dangerous. I restrained myself from fighting back. I tried to take the high road.
You plebes could only dream of how high that road was.
But one day I heard that something unfortunate and humiliating had happened to this person. And my reaction was deep relief and…happiness. There went the high road.
She’s human after all!
So, why does it feel so good to hear something bad about someone you don’t like? Or someone you DO like? Or someone you don’t KNOW?
And so are you! Especially you.
I once asked the editor of a tabloid newspaper why all of the stories about a famous British couple had a negative bent. He said that when the headline was positive, the paper didn’t sell. Why is that? What’s wrong with us?
She’s either talking about herself or Madonna here, I’d wager. So anyway, she then gets her “sages” to “shed a little light” on helping us in “washing our mouths out with soap.” The experts include her Kabbalah guru, a Sufi priest, an Episcopalian retreat leader, a Zen master, and a psychologist, all of whom agree that we should stop picking on poor, poor Gwyneth Paltrow and our negativity directed her way is just going to cause health problems and bad skin.
All I can say is that if she stopped being such a colossal nit with an ego the size of Greenland and the burning need to be worshiped by the public, maybe we’d have less of a good time ripping her to shreds. Despite her notions to the contrary, no one believes a word she says. You don’t get into the Deceiver Madness Phony Four for nothing.
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PLEASE STOP PUTTING UP PICTURES WHERE SHE LOOKS GOOD!! It’s throwing off what little I have left of a moral compass. Surprise! Looking good means you can say whatever you want and I won’t care.
Well, I for one don’t believe it, and I won’t until she adds a certified Scientologist to the list of experts. And a clown. Or maybe a mime. Ooh, and that Kali head priest guy from “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom!” If he says she’s right, then it has to be true.
Kali Mal will rule the Schadenfreude!
I can’t get the soundtrack for Temple of Doom out of my head.
It’s totally Winona. GOOP doesn’t make extended metaphors.
Didn’t she allegedly steal the script for Shakespere in Love from Winona’s house? I’m mean this chick is the very definition of clueless.
I don’t know if the theft of script is true or not but, in the movie, either she had a body double or she’s got bannana boobs.
I want to be just like her though!
**Man, I typed that last bit with a straight face!**
The day has come.
Rielle Hunter is going public.
http://tinyurl.com/c9py8u
Fortunate Son, I had to read that post twice; the first time, I didn’t pick up the “l”, and my first thought was, “Bit late, aren’t we?”
I wish Gwynythyfhphth would just go ahead and shrivel into her component keratinized flakes, to be washed away by the sweet, cleansing rain. I don’t want her life. I don’t want her husband; he looks as though he smells of foot soup. I don’t want anything like what she’s got–what she’s got probably baffles every clinic she visits, anyway.
It’s not jealousy, sweetie darling. It’s annoyance.
It’s kind of amusing that in her attempts to come off as human (you know, with flaws and all) she just sounds more like a doink than ever.
Note to Gwyn………….ya gotta HAVE something other people want for them to beccome jealous of you.
Beige said it best…..only I thought whatsisname looked like he smelled like a wet goat instead of foot slurry soup.
I’ve got a question for ya Goopeth, why does it feel so good reading about your hypocrisy on Deceiver?!
Pasta – Reeeeeaaaaaallllyyyy!?
I’m guessing that you of all people should understand the difference between ‘good looking’ and the possibility of a ‘good lay’. She might be barely passable as a human female (sometimes), but force yourself to watch an interview with her for a little bit. She comes off as the type who, even if she deigned to let you touch her, would just lay still for the next ten minutes telling you to ‘finish up already!’.
Guess that’s why I find myself attracted to more ‘down to Earth’ beauties like Jenna Fischer from the office.
“why does it feel so good to hear something bad about someone you don’t like? Or someone you DO like? Or someone you don’t KNOW?”
Some people should really speak for themselves…Gwyneth, dear, not EVERYONE feels good when they hear something bad about someone they don’t like, DO LIKE (that just startled me, I didn’t expect to hear that even from someone like her…see how evil this bitch is?!!), don’t know or wish they had never known. And those who do feel good when bad things happen to other people are evil malicious dips*its…kinda like you, Gwyneth, and probably that’s why everybody hates you. And so they should. Just go away and take your sleep-inducing “movies”, your brain damage-causing website and your talentless music-stealing husband with you.
Yeah I know Scott don’t ask me to explain it. It’s like, why is the sky blue? Is thunder really God bowling? Why am I cursed with these abs? No one knows for sure.
Geez, if she stole an Oscar winning role from me, I would do whatever it took to destroy her too. Gwyneth is one of those people who, for probably all her life, she has been the little princess whose shit never stank. Being friends with Gwynnie is probably what drove Winona to pill popping and theft in the first place.
Pasta: She doesn’t look good there.
I agree with Anni. She looks old. And evil. Oh, and as ugly as ever.
C’mon look at those blue eyes. Like a still clear pond on a cool spring morning the sexy bare- OH GOD MAKE IT STOP!
Ponds you will DROWN in!
Ah, Winona shouldn’t feel too bad. At least she’s not writing an annoyingly preachy website and getting lots of well-earned crap for it.
And Oscar, Schmoscar. Cate Blanchett wuz robbed that year anyway.
Why does she call her website GOOP? Can anyone enlighten me?
Correction: Ponds I WOULD drown in.
@ Elle: Her initials are GP, apparently GOOP is a witty byproduct.
Not funny?
That’s because you need to stick your pinkies in the air to get the joke.
Really.
Okay, fine. You’re just jealous.
According to Page Six, she was talking about Winona Ryder.
I hope they gold-plated that stick before they jammed it up her arse.
“Why does she call her website GOOP?”
Idk what GOOP stands for either…Gwyneth “both holes” Paltrow? Just a thought…
FOOT SOUP!!!!!! Oh man, that one made my day.
Looks like someone forgot to tell Gwynnie that PETA already won the Deceiver of the Year award.