12
May
09

Oprah to Planet Earth: Drop Dead

oprahstinksThe Richest and Most Fascinating Person Who Has Ever Lived gave the commencement address at Duke University’s graduation on Sunday. Here’s what she told America’s future about being successful in life, courtesy of the Wall Street Journal:

“It’s great to have a nice home. It’s great to have nice homes! It’s great to have a nice home that just escaped the fire in Santa Barbara,” she told the students. “It’s great to have a private jet. Anyone that tells you that having your own private jet isn’t great is lying to you.”

This would seem to be self-evident. Who wouldn’t want their own jet? Nobody, that’s who. Nobody doesn’t want their own jet.

Now, a lot of people don’t want anybody else to have private jets. They don’t want other people to drive nice cars, live in nice homes, eat at expensive restaurants, or otherwise enjoy the fruits of their success. They want other people to feel guilty about it. They want other people to limit their consumption in order to “save the planet.”

Why, one such wildly successful hypocrite might even have a “Going Green 101″ episode of her insanely popular daytime talk show, and invite Al Gore on to talk about “Global Warming 101.” (They’ve all got to be entry-level courses, see, because you’re stupid.) But eventually, when the hysteria starts to die down and she realizes she’s not going to make any more money from WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE, she might just drop the facade and admit that being rich and using up all kinds of precious natural resources is super-awesome.

By the way, didn’t Oprah do an awful lot to get Obama elected? She did? Okay. And isn’t he the one who keeps saying that all these mean ol’ rich people should stop being so greedy? That they need to stop pursuing profit and just do what he says? That he’s the only guy standing between them and the pitchforks? Isn’t he revealing himself to be an old-school class-warrior, of the type who wants you to believe it’s not fair that somebody else has a private jet while you don’t?

He is? Okay. Oh, no reason, just wondering. Carry on.

Update: Just a couple of months ago, Obama said, “”You can’t get corporate jets, you can’t go take a trip to Las Vegas or go down to the Super Bowl on the taxpayer’s dime.” But hey, if you want to fly your private jet over the Statue of Liberty on the taxpayer’s dime…

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41 Responses to “Oprah to Planet Earth: Drop Dead”


  1. 1 Pastafarian May 12th, 2009 at 3:38 pm

    Now don’t be too hasty. A private jet would be awesome. A private fighter jet!!!

    Pew! Pew! Take that Oprah’s Private Jet!!!

    Pew! Pew! Take that Al Gore’s Private Jet!!!!

    Pew! Pew! Take that Leonardo DiCaprio’s Private Jet!!

    Put me in charge. I’d be like the Herman Goering of celebrity plane shooter downers.

  2. 2 Beige May 12th, 2009 at 3:47 pm

    Planet Earth to Oprah: Get bent.

  3. 3 LN May 12th, 2009 at 3:59 pm

    Any company that has taken bailout money that owns a private jet. I now consider that jet mine, until all monies are repaid – with interest. You may continue to use it, as long as it doesn’t conflict with my schedule.

    If that doesn’t work I was thinking of getting together a bunch of Deceiver readers to join me as P.J.P.’s (private jet pirates) Anyone interested?

    .

  4. 4 Pastafarian May 12th, 2009 at 4:04 pm

    I like the pirate part, just don’t tell Carrie, or Chuck Norris. Wait a minute. What are YOU talking about?

  5. 5 stonegrigio May 12th, 2009 at 4:04 pm

    Both Os make me ill.

  6. 6 Koka May 12th, 2009 at 4:11 pm

    I’d like to tell Oprah to bite me………but since I’m not a turkey leg, she won’t.

  7. 7 Beige May 12th, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    Avast thar, me co-pilots!

  8. 8 Kristine May 12th, 2009 at 4:31 pm

    Well, she was just following Michelle when she said we should all have a chief of staff and a set of personal assistants! Duh, Simon.

  9. 9 Swede0319 May 12th, 2009 at 4:37 pm

    I nominate Pasta as Air Boss for the PJP! Count me in on this one.
    Koka, I bet if you were a one of those cupcakes, you’d be gone in a NY second. And stuffed under her mattress with all the other wrappers. (thanks Holly for that one, I’m still laughing at it).
    Since Ele-ophra flys out of Santa Barbara, I know someone who can start with the shoot-down extravaganzia! How much fun is this going to be!

  10. 10 angry army wife May 12th, 2009 at 4:45 pm

    Crap like this makes my blood boil. And just today I saw where Obama is heading to Vegas to help raise money for Harry Reid – ON TAXPAYERS DOLLARS!!! I guess it is okay for him but not the big bankers? hmmmmmmm…….

    http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2009/05/barack-obama-harry-reid.html

  11. 11 Fortunate Son May 12th, 2009 at 5:26 pm

    Deciever should be preparing their Obama article for when he decides he is in favor of Gay Marriage. There are at least three gay (and one very confused) men in my office, and they are uniformly in agreement that Barack Obama is against Gay Marriage only as a convenience.

    Curiously enough, they also believe is a Christian of convenience, but not a Muslim.

    I’ll say this about Obama.
    The guy has a gift for saying nothing and leaving people with what they wanted to hear.

  12. 12 Hmmm... May 12th, 2009 at 6:12 pm

    Pasta,

    “Put me in charge. I’d be like the Herman Goering of celebrity plane shooter downers”

    Come now, don’t sell yourself short. If it were you in charge, you’d be the Manfred von Richthofen of celebrity plane shooter downers. Unless you’re referring to your skill at commanding other pilots rather than piloting yourself. Then I don’t see why you can’t simply be both rolled into one.

  13. 13 TheIrish May 12th, 2009 at 6:22 pm

    Opera can say all she wants, I got free chicken thanks to her. Free, abused, anti-biotic infused chicken.

  14. 14 MC Mom May 12th, 2009 at 8:46 pm

    Ahoy, maties! Can we pelt the private jets with KFC chicken legs and copies of “Earth in the Balance”?

  15. 15 Anni May 13th, 2009 at 1:29 am

    I put off going back home for a week after finals so I could focus on studying, not packing up my stuff. It was a good decision, but I feel even better about it now that I didn’t have to share a town with her at any point. I’d rather tolerate NASCAR-related race-traffic than the hell that happens back home when someone big and uninteresting to me visits Duke. It is a massive inconvenience all day long.

  16. 16 California Dave May 13th, 2009 at 2:32 am

    Pasta can be Manfred von Richtofen. I wanna be Don Carnage!

    Or, at the very least, Baloo…with a hot babe like Rebecca Cunningham in charge.

  17. 17 JEM May 13th, 2009 at 2:53 am

    She’s exactly right. All that crap IS really cool. And we should all want it. Seriously.

    Now, mind you, for someone who’s GOT all that stuff, and enough filthy lucre to pretty much be able to enjoy it no matter what, to back the Golden Calf and his cabinet-full of climate fraudsters like Holdren, Chu, et alia that very much want to keep the REST of us from enjoying our recreational hydrocarbons, is maddeningly hypocritical.

    But then we see so much of that crap from ‘celebrities’ that we ought to be used to it by now, right?

  18. 18 Oprah's Cooter May 13th, 2009 at 6:48 am

    All that stuff and I still got no bidness going on down here.

  19. 19 Jamie May 13th, 2009 at 7:44 am

    Like mosquito bites, being “used to it” doesn’t necessarily lessen the irritation. As I do Martha Stewart’s, I applaud Oprah’s business sense, marketing skill, and industrious seeking after the Good Life. I just wish she could bring herself to understand that if she isn’t evil for having done what she’s done – essentially creating consumer “needs” that weren’t there before and convincing consumers to shell out coin to satisfy those “needs” – then perhaps oil company execs and Big Pharma execs, for example, aren’t evil for producing, marketing, and making a market-driven profit for doing something about an *actual* need. (Yes, I know not all pharmaceuticals are used for *actual* needs. But a lot are.)

  20. 20 Jill May 13th, 2009 at 8:29 am

    I don’t think Obama holds any strong convictions, other than that all wealth and power should be consolidated under his control.

  21. 21 Fen May 13th, 2009 at 8:31 am

    All of it makes sense if you remember Fen’s Rule:

    “The Left doesn’t really believe in the things they lecture us about”

  22. 22 chris May 13th, 2009 at 9:23 am

    btw, did you see that the Air Force One flyover produced 48 tons of CO2?

    http://www.treehugger.com/files/2009/05/air-force-one-flyover-photo-co2.php

  23. 23 Jeffersonian May 13th, 2009 at 9:29 am

    Oh c’mon, you know what Oprah means. Obama is going to take the private jets and Malibu manisons from all the bad guys, not good people like Oprah, silly.

  24. 24 tim maguire May 13th, 2009 at 9:51 am

    And isn’t he the one who keeps saying that all these mean ol’ rich people should stop being so greedy? That they need to stop pursuing profit and just do what he says?

    No, that’s Hugo Chavez.

    Oh wait, no, you’re right, it’s Obama.

    Oh, wait, no, it’s both of them.

    They could do a quote exchange and even they probably wouldn’t notice.

  25. 25 Mark B. May 13th, 2009 at 10:09 am

    Tim, they might not notice, but I imagine it’d piss off the TelePrompTer . . .

    ‘Berg

  26. 26 Beige May 13th, 2009 at 10:18 am

    Like everyone else in the entertainment business, Orca likes to dogpile capitalists and consumers, conveniently ignoring the fact that they themselves are megacapitalists, and as such, have become megaconsumers. They hope we’re ignoring it too, but I don’t think that works out so well for them.

  27. 27 Julie May 13th, 2009 at 10:29 am

    Wow. Critical thinking skills and rationality on full display – on a gossip site! I might just have to take a look around.

  28. 28 D---- May 13th, 2009 at 12:18 pm

    It’s okay she buys carbon offsets/credits

  29. 29 MC Mom May 13th, 2009 at 4:34 pm

    How can Oprah presume to dogpile on capitalists? Have you ever picked up her magazine? Beyond all the touchy-feely tripe about honoring your inner self, it’s basically telling you what overpriced crap you need to buy in order to adequately honor your inner self.

  30. 30 Minnow May 13th, 2009 at 4:47 pm

    Whoa, MC…

    You mean I don’t really need a hand quilted peace-silk toilet seat in order to commune with my inner goddess?

    Damn. Gypped again.

  31. 31 Beige May 13th, 2009 at 6:11 pm

    The post from “Oprah’s Cooter” just cracked me up in a big way. That vajayjay needs a bailout, y’all.

  32. 32 Chronic Malanga May 14th, 2009 at 7:33 am

    I want all that stuff too! But, unlike Oprah, I’ve never kissed the asses of those who rail against those very things.

  33. 33 angry army wife May 14th, 2009 at 8:52 am

    I would love to have that kind of money too, but I would never sell my soul to the devil to get it, or sell myself out.

  34. 34 MC Mom May 14th, 2009 at 11:03 am

    Hey Minnow, you can buy all the hand-quilted silk toilet seats you want. Just buy them because they look good in your bathroom, not because they’ll help you become a spiritually superior being.

    All this focus on value-based consumption is getting me down. If you really want to do something good for yourself and the world, give money to or volunteer at a charity or play Uno with your kids.

  35. 35 saintdevil May 17th, 2009 at 3:08 am

    I hate this wholier-than-thou b*tch.

    Telling students that the meaning of life is getting rich is really great.

    Wa to go, Oprah.

  36. 36 Anonymous Jun 8th, 2009 at 12:30 am

    you guys most have some real issues, and i do not know any of you.

  37. 37 Beige Jun 8th, 2009 at 8:44 am

    Cool your jets there, Steadman.

  1. 1 Yeah, Well. | Little Miss Attila Pingback on May 13th, 2009 at 3:53 am
  2. 2 Belmont Club » The bill Pingback on May 13th, 2009 at 5:21 am
  3. 3 Instapundit » Blog Archive » BAD NEWS FOR AVIATION, as corporate jets go out of style. Except with Oprah! And Nancy Pelosi…. Pingback on May 13th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
  4. 4 Nightly Ramble:The ‘Old Cafe’ edition | BitsBlog Pingback on May 13th, 2009 at 4:04 pm

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