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Archive for July, 2009

31
Jul

Mel Gibson Annuls 29-Year Marriage Through Secret Tribunal

gibson-familyI would love to know how Mel Gibson justifies this in his head. He had his dad annul his 29-year marriage to wife Robyn, mother of his first seven kids, so that he can marry his knocked-up mistress on Christmas Day.

The tribunal was attended by loyal congregation members of Gibson’s private, independent church, the Holy Family Chapel in Malibu, about a month after Robyn filed for divorce.

Hutton Gibson presided over the hearing and granted his son’s annulment request after Mel presented “evidence” that the union was never a true marriage, even though he married Robyn in a Catholic ceremony in Australia in 1980.

“Especially important was Mel’s description of how he felt pressured into the marriage in the first place because Robyn was pregnant,” maintained the family insider. “Those feelings indicated to Hutton that it couldn’t be a true marriage, and so he felt it must be invalid.

“After the discussion ended, Hutton pounded his fist on the table and said, ‘It is clear that this union did not have what it takes to be a true marriage!’”

“The annulment is being kept secret, but Mel hopes that some of the Bishops he has recently befriended can be persuaded to give him an official Catholic annulment.”

What a crock. There’s nothing that says “this union was never a true marriage” like having seven kids with a loyal partner who put up with his drunken, philandering ass for 29 years longer than I could have.

31
Jul

Al Gore Can’t Find a Warm Reception Anywhere

From Christopher Booker in the 7/25 edition of London’s Daily Telegraph:

It was delightfully appropriate that, as large parts of Argentina were swept by severe blizzards last week, on a scale never experienced before, the city of Nashville, Tennessee, should have enjoyed the coolest July 21 in its history, breaking a record established in 1877. Appropriate, because Nashville is the home of Al Gore, the man who for 20 years has been predicting that we should all by now be in the grip of runaway global warming.

His predictions have proved so wildly wrong… that the propaganda machine has had to work overtime to maintain what is threatening to become the most expensive fiction in history.

The two official sources of satellite data on global temperatures, for instance, lately announced that June temperatures had again fallen, to their average level for the month over the 30 years since satellite data began. By contrast, the Goddard Institute for Space Studies, run by Mr Gore’s closest ally and scientific adviser, James Hansen — one of the two official sources of global temperature data from surface weather stations — announced that in that single month the world had warmed by a staggering 0.63 degrees C, more than its net warming for the entire 20th century…

Meanwhile even America’s foremost pro-warmist scientific blog, RealClimate — run by, among others, Dr Michael Mann of “hockey stick” fame — concedes that global temperatures are not only declining but are likely to continue to do so for at least another decade – after which, of course, they will leap up again higher than ever.

None of this is proving of much assistance to the politicians still desperately hoping to reach agreement on a new climate treaty in Copenhagen in December.

Which they’re all walking to, right? Better get started, guys.

30
Jul

Roseanne Barr Not the Good Kind of Crazy

From JewishJournal.com, 3/23/06:

Roseanne Barr says she has two secret ambitions. One is to celebrate the bat mitzvah she never had as a youngster growing up in Salt Lake City.

The other is to become prime minister of Israel, a sort of Golda Meir II.

“My family won’t listen to me, but otherwise I know every solution to every problem,” she said.

Such as this problem: You’re Roseanne Barr, and you haven’t really done anything in over 10 years. Everybody has pretty much forgotten about you. The only time you pop up anymore is when you do or say something dumb and insane.

How do you solve that problem? By doing something dumber and insanier than you’ve ever done before. And keep in mind: you’re Roseanne Barr!

From the latest issue of Heeb Magazine:

subtleunderstatement

Get it? Oven? Because of the Holocaust? But wait, there’s even more from this winsome mistress of subtle understatement:

As the “Domestic Goddess” dons the famous moustache, transforming into “Domestic Goddess Hitler,” I notice that she’s beginning to have fun. She nails the Fuehrer’s facial expressions with twisted glee, and as she takes the burnt gingerbread “Jew Cookies” out of the oven it occurs to me that Barr may be the last celebrity utterly incapable of giving a f*** — a quality theoretically easy to embody until it’s time to face the practical repercussions. “Franklin Ajae, Paul Mooney, Mort Sahl and Dick Gregory’s passings will tear my kishkas out,” Barr laments. “They gave everything they had to just tell the truth, and they couldn’t make a decent living because of the choice they made — not selling out to Hollywood.”

Or Israel, apparently. Via the Jerusalem Post earlier this year:

Roseanne Barr: Israel is a ‘Nazi state’

Ugh, I can’t even make jokes about this disgusting pig.

30
Jul

The Ugly Truth Comes Out About Katherine Heigl

heigl-ugly-truthThere are few things that taste better than just deserts.

Turns out I wasn’t the only one unsympathetic to Katherine Heigl’s bitching to Letterman about her 17-hour workday on the Grey’s Anatomy set.

Emmy-winning producer Ken Levine talked to the higher-ups at Grey’s who revealed the real reason the pace was so grueling that first day back:

Poor Katherine Heigl. What she neglected to add was this: This “cruel” shooting schedule was only to accommodate HER and her needs. The producers graciously shuffled things around so she could go off and do promotion for her new film. Also, with union rules, the producers had to pay a ton of overtime and penalties to make this happen. The thanks they get is Katherine Heigl going on national television hoping to embarrass them.

Levine calls it “chutzpah.” I think that’s being kind.

Luckily, The Ugly Truth is getting solidly spanked by the critics and opened in third place (behind wizards and guinea pigs). How does such a harpy still find work in this town?

H/T: Patrick Goldstein at the L.A. Times

30
Jul

Once Again, Past Obama Attacks Present Obama

Hey, remember about six months ago, when President Obama told us that if Congress didn’t pass the stimulus bill, it would be a huge disaster and we’d go into the greatest depression since the last one? The unemployment rate would go all the way up to 8.5%. Why, they had to do something right then and there. They had to spend $787,000,000,000 to rescue the economy!

Obama got what he wanted, but six months later it doesn’t seem to be working. Unemployment is near 10%, the highest it’s been in 25 years, and the stimulus has done a whole lot of nothing to fix the economy. So much for whipping everybody into a panic if it wasn’t passed immediately, immediately, immediately.

Which is why it’s interesting that this little bit of audio has surfaced. It’s Obama on the Randi Rhodes Show in Nov. 2004, followed by NBC’s White House correspondent Chuck Todd speaking last March:

YouTube Preview Image

Here’s the lovely bit:

Obama: “When you rush these budgets that are a foot high, and nobody has any idea what’s in them, and nobody has read them…”

Rhodes: “14 pounds, it was.”

O: “Yeah, and it gets rushed through without any clear deliberation or debate. Then, these kinds of things happen. And I think that this is in some ways what happened to the Patriot Act. I mean, you remember, there was no real debate about that. It was so quick after 9/11 that it was introduced that people felt very intimidated by the administration.”

And now Chuck Todd is telling us that Obama’s strategy is to push through several things at the same time — let’s say, cap and trade a huge tax on energy, universal health care European-style health-care rationing, and card check eliminating the secret ballot for union elections. Obama wants to rush all this stuff through without any clear deliberation or debate, and he’s trying to intimidate anybody who stands in his way.

Past Obama and Present Obama find themselves on opposite sides yet again. Why don’t you just shut up, Past Obama?

29
Jul

Michael Phelps Is A Sore Loser

phelpsSwimming champ Michael Phelps has lost his first race since 2005. Let’s just say he’s forgotten how to suffer defeat with grace.

German swimmer Paul Biedermann beat him in the 200-meter freestyle yesterday, and before the two competitors had a chance to dry off, the coaches started battling over the results.

Mainly, the issue is that Biedermann wore a new kind of (perfectly legal) polyurethane swimsuit that Phelps’s coach Bob Bowman thinks should be banned.

“The (polyurethane) suits make you go out with … much less energy cost, so at the end you have a punch,” the coach said. “Michael had to work so hard to stay with him for 150, then it’s just not there at the end. That’s what the suits do. The energy cost is reduced going out, so you finish a lot better.”

Phelps sure looked out of place on the medal podium.

After bending over to accept a medal he wanted no part of, then listening to another swimmer’s national anthem, Phelps tried to make his getaway.

Bowman’s also threatened to pull Phelps from all future races unless the suits are outlawed immediately.

You might be wondering why Phelps doesn’t just wear a polyurethane swimsuit of his own. It’s because he’s paid a bundle to endorse Speedo, which doesn’t make them. Instead he wears the Speedo LZR, a suit that generated its own controversy when it was released last year for the competitive edge it gave him. Some coaches in the sport called for its banning. Phelps and Bowman gave them the proverbial finger.

Which is exactly what Biedermann should be doing now. Or, rather two of them. As in: “Being No. 2 stinks, doesn’t it?”

28
Jul

Hey Bono, Wanna Save the Planet? Stay Home!

If you know anything about how WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE FROM GLOBAL WARMING, you know that one of the most vigorous finger-waggers around is none other than Bono of the modern “rock-and-roll” ensemble U2. And if you know that, you also know he’s totally full of crap.

Case in point. According to the Associated Press:

Dubliners angry over the around-the-clock dismantling of U2’s monumental concert stage mounted street protests Tuesday, snarling the Irish band’s plans for the next stages of their European tour.

Residents around Croke Park stadium said their aim was to embarrass Dublin City Council and the Gaelic Athletic Association – which authorized the all-night noise – not delay Ireland’s most famous musical export.

But U2 managers said the protests meant more than 50 trucks carrying much of the band’s 390-ton stage, TV screens, lighting and sound equipment missed their intended morning ferry…

“We should all not be talking to you and (should be) on a boat,” the tour’s production director, Jake Berry, told reporters as several dozen residents protested beside three road junctions outside Croke Park, Ireland’s largest stadium…

Berry said singer Bono, guitarist The Edge, bassist Adam Clayton and drummer Larry Mullen Jr. were told of the Dublin disruption about 5 a.m. Tuesday as their private jet landed in Nice, France, where they are staying in between European gigs.

Got that? When they’re not playing their cute little songs on the 400-ton stage that has to be transported from one city to the next using, y’know, fuel, they’re flying back and forth to France in their private jet. Now Nice! Which almost rhymes with “sheesh.”

Did you know U2 has a new album out? I’d forgotten. The last I’d heard about them, people were all ticked off about them dodging their taxes. Silly commoners. Taxes, environmental responsibility, singing talent: Those are for the little people!

P.S. Thanks to commenter AlleyKat for pointing out that U2’s website has a big load of carbon about how environmentally friendly their tour is. “Zero emissions.” Without explaining how exactly that works, of course. If you want to be environmentally friendly, don’t go on tour.

28
Jul

Bill Clinton: Putting an End to Obesity With Burgers and Shakes

clinton-mcd1

Today the Centers for Disease Control sponsored their inaugural Weight of the Nation conference on obesity. Former President Bill Clinton made an appearance as a headlining speaker.

This seems a little funny since the Washington Post caught him eating at a local burger joint just last weekend. Mr. President ordered a double hamburger, onion rings, French fries, and a milk shake. Lunch of champions.

Onion rings AND French fries? Sounds like a delicious splurge.

I think we all remember Slick Willy’s struggle to find a balance between fitness and fast food. Apparently he’s still searching for it.

28
Jul

The Way to Joanna Krupa’s PETA-Loving Heart

joanna_krupa

Loyal readers of Maxim probably already know who Polish model Joanna Krupa is, but because I am not a 16-year-old boy, up until today I hadn’t heard of her. I feel like I’ve been missing out on one of the keenest intellects on the runways in nudie mags today.

In her cover story for the August issue of Maxim, the PETA poser came out swinging at dudes who wear fur:

So you’d never date a guy who wears fur?

Never. I think it’s the cheesiest sh*t on the planet for a man to wear fur. Look at Diddy — he looks like a ‘tard! If you think you look hot in a fur jacket, you have issues.

So what is the way to the lady’s heart?

Well, if you have a big leather couch in your bachelor pad, Joanna will drape herself right over it. In leather pants, no less. No ethical problems there.

Afterward you can take her out for sushi or a juicy steak — her favorite foods for staying in shape, as she wrote on her blog in January. And according to the dossier in Polish on the photo at right, her all-time favorite dish is ribs (“potrawa: żeberka”) — so Chili’s remains an option.

And you have to respect her work. Joanna knows the best way to sell Christian Louboutin’s thigh-high leather boots is to wear them with only a thong.

As a final note, I have yet to come across a single photo of Joanna Krupa where her underboob (at the very least) isn’t on prominent display. Next time, Joanna can star in the hotly anticipated “I’d Rather Go Naked Than Wear Clothes” campaign by PETA, People Exposing Tits and Ass.

27
Jul

Only One Person Could Make You Feel Sympathy for Michael Vick

Last year Michael Vick was in talks to become a spokesman for PETA, until Deceiver.com All-Star Ingrid Newkirk decided he needed to undergo a psych eval to prove he’s not crazier than she is. Vick was reinstated into the NFL today, and guess who’s trying to figure out how to capitalize on it?

According to the New York Times:

Ingrid Newkirk was the first person who came to mind Monday when N.F.L. Commissioner Roger Goodell announced Michael Vick’s transition plan for reinstatement.

Newkirk is the tenacious president and co-founder of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. Her sprawling organization, which is capable and quite willing to create havoc, will set the tone for the reception Vick receives if he signs with a team.

Now that Goodell has announced his soft re-entry plan for Vick — conditional reinstatement and possible full reinstatement no later than Week 6 based on progress he makes — will Newkirk unleash a firestorm against the N.F.L. with legions of pickets?

During a conversation on Monday, Newkirk seemed undecided on what course of action she would take.

“We’re not encouraging it,” Newkirk said when asked about PETA’s plans to picket. “We’re not in a picketing mood.”

Then in an about-face she said: “We may, I can’t really say. There are so many strong sentiments. It’s on the table, but we’re not encouraging it.”

Wonder why she can’t make up her mind? (Besides the fact that she lost it long ago.) Maybe it’s because when it comes to being kind to animals, PETA’s track record is nothing to bark about. They’ve killed tens of thousands of household pets over the years, and a few years ago two of their employees were caught dumping dead pets into a dumpster behind a Piggly Wiggly grocery in North Carolina. The two were found guilty of littering for throwing away the euthanized animals, but somehow weren’t punished for actually, y’know, killing them. After taking them from shelters with the promise that PETA would find them homes. Weird, huh?

From the Raleigh News & Observer’s account of the last day of the trial on February 2, 2007:

After a two-week trial that caused a sensation in rural northeastern North Carolina, a jury acquitted Andrew B. Cook and Adria J. Hinkle of eight counts of animal cruelty. Cook and Hinkle work for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, based in Norfolk, Va. Hinkle also was found not guilty of three felony counts of lying to get cats from a veterinarian’s office.

But they were found guilty of throwing euthanized animals into a Dumpster behind a Piggly Wiggly grocery. The PETA employees said the dead animals had begun to smell during the ride back to Norfolk…

In closing arguments Friday, prosecutor Valerie Asbell painted Hinkle as a liar who gushed over kittens and puppies, promised to find them homes and then gave them lethal injections beside secluded country roads.

Cook, both sides agreed, was a new PETA employee just helping Hinkle for the day.

Employees of an Ahoskie veterinarian testified that Hinkle had asked whether a mother cat and two kittens had names, and promised everyone in the office, including a 9-year-old girl, that she would find them homes. She euthanized them a few minutes after leaving the office.

A Bertie County animal control officer testified that Hinkle said she would have “no problem” finding homes for two dalmatians named Annie and Toby. The dogs were dead before they left the shelter’s parking lot.

The same officer said he handed over his own dog, a terrier named Happy, because he had had trouble housebreaking it. Hinkle sent him a picture of the dog in a garden, standing in front of a house but didn’t mention that the dog had been euthanized upon arriving at PETA headquarters.

“They go out and say, ‘Oh, we helped all these animals,’” said Asbell, who is the district attorney for Hertford, Bertie and Northampton counties. “They sure aren’t out telling folks they’re killing healthy ones … because that doesn’t go along with the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.”

What Michael Vick did was unconscionable. But what PETA does is even worse, because they hide behind their pose of “ethical” treatment. How dare they condemn a guy who’s killed a fraction of the number of animals they have?

Maybe you should just shut up for once, Ingrid. If that’s even possible.




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