Did you hear that Heather Mills got a day job? According to her Twitter page, V-Bites — the vegan restaurant she just opened last week in East Sussex — is a “huge success.”
But I question that, especially since the Vegetarian Star reports the menu is chock-full of fake meat designed to taste like real meat:
Heather says one thing that might surprise meat eaters is that the substitute meats she’ll be cooking and serving at V-Bites will taste just like the real deal.
“What is definitely going to shock people is the meat replacements,” she told Metro. “They have a real meat taste to them.”
Fake meats come in handy for those who went veg for reasons other than disliking the taste of meat.
And there’s certainly no shortage of varieties to choose from: fake turkey, chicken, bacon, even gourmet creations like faux chicken cordon blue [sic].
Faux chicken Cordon Bleu? Oh hell no. You know why that’s a crime? The main ingredients in the real deal are chicken, ham, and Swiss cheese. I’m sure the chefs at Le Cordon Bleu would be horrified to hear their prized dish had been forced into vegan submission. (More so if Mills’s treasured rat’s milk made it into the recipe.)
But honestly, are there really vegans out there who want their food to look and taste like meat? Isn’t that, I don’t know, contrary to the whole point of the exercise?
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As someone who can’t eat red meat anymore because her body rejects it with all kinds of weird, painful reactions, I like the idea of meat subs. I made lentil burgers at home the other day, and the carnivore I married liked them well enough to eat two of them.
Vegetarians (seems just as many are turning into one by diet eliminations rather than by moral stance these days, much like me) and vegans (most of whom I find downright insufferable) love to state they reject eating anything they consider to have had a life force and/or a heartbeat. But, wouldn’t that include vegetables and herbs? Veggies and herbs need a life force in order to grow, no? Dumb-asses. And don’t get me started on the painfully ignorant who don’t know enough about gelatin to know it’s made from ground up hooves. I especially love the twisted, contorted looks on their faces when I point that out. Ha!
Dollars to doughnuts, this putrid little vanity project goes the way of the dodo, and Ahab up there starts bitching about how people just “don’t get it”.
The failure rates of restaurants within the first year are staggering. The woman is a dingbat if she thinks she should be calling her place “a huge success” after one week.
People are probably going there hoping to find a roach or something in the food so they can sue her.
Turnabout is fair play.
“In the strictest scientific sense, Doctor, we all feed on death. Even vegetarians.”
- Spock, “The Wolf In The Fold”
I hope she didn’t invest too much money in that dog. Only about 5% of the UK’s population is vegetarian, And the other 95% of them hate her guts.
I love you, Dave.
no, it really does NOT defeat the purpose. I don’t really know what this site has against vegans/vegetarians (although as a vegetarian i honestly do find many vegans to be insufferable and sometimes hypocritical), but this kind of thing is NOT being hypocritical. humans are conditioned to eat meat, and a lot of people choose to give it up for a reason, or many reasons, that have nothing to do with taste or even their health. fake meat is not actual meat. make sense?
Stacy, I couldn’t agree more. Please tell me what you CAN eat that didn’t, at one time, have a life force. I think the vegans should stick to dirt until they can prove that vegetables have no feelings.
“I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.”
–A. Whitney Brown
I hear ya Stacey, same thing for me. Lemme guess, when you tell omnivores that you don’t eat meat do they frequently begin to stammer quickly about how they don’t eat meat often, always make sure it was free-range/grass-fed/hormone-free or whatever the buzzword du jour is…or begin to sneer and angrily call you a tree-hugging hippie and maybe follow it up with a saccharine “ohhh, I’m just kidding!”
And then you have to recite the spiel over and over again–it isn’t for ethical reasons, it’s because I don’t digest it well, blah blah blah…I usually say that people who are vegetarian for ethical purposes don’t collect fur or enjoy leather/suede shoes as much as I do.
And California Dave, you freakin’ rule.
“I don’t really know what this site has against vegans/vegetarians”
Well… here’s an answer…
“(although as a vegetarian i honestly do find many vegans to be insufferable and sometimes hypocritical)”
Seems simple enough to me.
I have an apron I love to use when I cook both vegetarian and “regular” food. “I love to cook with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.”
You never do hear of a vegetarian abstaining from wine because it drains the life of a grape.
I read that she took over a popular seafood restaurant and the meat substitutes might be an attempt to lure the same customers back.
“Vegetarianism is harmless enough, though it is apt to fill a man with wind and self-righteousness.”
-Sir Robert Hutchinson
That’s brilliant, Minnow.
I remember a few years back when Paul McCartney was campaigning to get school-age kids to stop drinking cow’s milk by telling them it made them “windy”. Like that’s an inducement. Tell the average kid that something will make them farty, and they’ll drink an extra gallon of it to make sure, because it’s a comedy goldmine.
I think the hypocrisy in this would come if you believe humans aren’t designed to eat meat (like we had someone arguing in the last veggie post).Why do we need meat-like substitutes if we are designed to eat vegetables? I honestly don’t remember Heather Mills’ opinion of this. However, everyone commenting in this thread is logical, so there’s no problem.
Beige, can you mention Paul in this thread???
I do wonder how many vegetarians who abstain from meat for ethical reasons are looking for a “meaty” taste. I know I would miss bacon (and ham, and beef, and chicken…), but meaty-tasting tofu isn’t going to get me to lay off the pork.
It might not be the huge success she’s claiming, but at least she got her foot in the door.
To go on what JD says, my dietary choices aren’t really based on morality. I don’t eat dairy; What my body does to dairy is unholy. The same is true of beef. I like the taste of cheese and beef, and if someone offered me a cheeseburger that couldn’t hurt me like the real thing did, I’d eat it.
But Anni, what if it was Heather Mills offering it to you? Same answer?
Man…vegans are just so….(makes strangling motions with his hands)
Simon Scowl, you scamp. By “foot in the door” I suspect you are slyly referring to Ms. Mill’s prosthetic foot? As in “foot substitute” or “fake meat”. Shame on you! Such a scamp you are.
From an economic standpoint, having been a start-up consultant, I predict fail.
I will take bets on this. But only in the form of tequila.
Well Heather was a poor substitute for Linda so maybe she knows a thing or two about marketing.
If we stopped eating animals because it was immoral what would we do with them all? The domesticated vegetarian ones anyway.
I mean, they would be competitors with us and we would be morally obligated to keep feeding them till they die of old age and get eaten by scavangers and bacteria.
Sounds like a recipe…for fun!!!
The answer would be no if and only if it was Heather.
Can, and did. Even though he’s moved on to his next…attendant. Companion. Nurse. How old is he now, anyway?
He’s 67 as of June 18.
“Even though he’s moved on to his next…attendant. Companion. Nurse.”
Guess he needs to change that song’s lyrics to “Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m 67.”
And you could say Heather now has a leg up on the other “so-so” veggie-restaurants.
Old enough to have outlived MJ… who would have seen that coming.
Would it have been rude to tell her to break a leg at the opening?
@Kristine: Nah. She’s got a closet full of replacements.
We? Are probably going to hell.
When I was a young’n @ church camp one of the counselors changed some lyrics up, all I can remember is:
Leprosy
I’m not half the man I used to be
I’ve got open sores all over me
Oh leprosy came suddenly
@Pinandpuller: HA HA HA HA HA HA!
My favorite is still Tim Hawkin’s “Chick-Fil-A”, though.
Chick-Fil-A
I could eat there seven times a day
Where the people laugh and children play
Oh, I’m in love with Chick-Fil-A
Suddenly
I need waffle fries in front of me
Plus some nuggets and a large sweet tea
Oh, Chick-Fil-A
You set me free
Kids, get in the van
So we can
Go there today
But their stores are closed
Oh I know,
‘Cause it’s Sundaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy
Chick-Fil-A
What a dirty rotten trick to play
Now I’ll have to settle for Subway
Oh I’m in love
With Chick-Fil-A
Hmmmm, hmmmm, hmmmm, hmmmm,
Chick-Fil-A
Everyone: this has got to be one of the punniest and funniest blog threads I have read in a very long time. Thank you, and keep it coming!
Jolly Green Midget: I get a lot of people asking why more than making snide remarks or fake sympathetic statements of solidarity for my pitiful plight. Mostly the people who would get into a conversation about this with me are carnivores. I tend not to engage or talk much to moral vegetarians or superior vegans. Lucky for me.
Sorry to hear they give you a rough ride of this. It’s not your fault, and if it weren’t about the pain, it wouldn’t be your choice either.
All snarky considerations aside, the few times I’ve had tofu done up to taste like chicken and beef and I’ve enjoyed it a lot. Veggie Chinese restaurants do that, but the prices are high and the portions are small. The only way I could be vegetarian is if these faux-meats were plentiful and cheap.
I’ve been a vegetarian for years and I personally like it when soy burgers etc have a meaty flavor. Of course it’ll never REALLY taste like meat, with the grease and the blood mixed together, but the smokiness can be quite tasty. I don’t see anything wrong with this. It’s not the flavor of meat that’s bad, it’s the fact you’re eating a corpse.
And that’s bad because you used the word “corpse.”
“I’m not a vegetarian for a few good reasons. First of all, I really love the way meat tastes. But even more important than that, I really, really hate animals, and that’s my little way of letting them know.”
– Jessica Delfino
Still taking bets in the form of tequila as to how long this restaurant lasts. I give it less than a year.
You know, I’ve gone waaaaay out of my way to treat the vegetarians I’ve known with courtesy and respect. In return, what I’ve usually gotten is snotty preaching about my “filthy habit” of “eating flesh” and “dining on death” and whatnot. My problem now with anticarnivores is this: Want respect? THEN SHOW SOME, DAMMIT. Expect courtesy? PRETEND YOU WEREN’T RAISED BY WOLVES, YOU ASSHAT. Unless I’m standing at your elbow as you eat, yawping about how “gross” I find your food, don’t do that to me, because a)it’s rude, and b)it’s the last way you’re EVER going to win any converts, and c)I hate your ass now.
I hate Heather Mills as much as the next guy, but you’re misinformed about vegans. People eliminate meat and dairy from their diets for a variety of reasons. Some people have to alter their diets for health reasons, and those people miss meat. There’s nothing hypocritical about a meat substitute meant to evoke the taste and texture of meat.
Save the bile for the real hypocrisy. This post is just silly.
I find the faux meats to be kinda gross. I was raised in a Chinese home and am sick to death of tofu so if I want meat, I eat meat. I’m not vegetarian but tend to also make many non-meat dishes… enchiladas, quiches, etc.
I also have the horrible, disgusting habit of biting my cuticles and then just swallowing the skin — am I a cannibal? What if a vegetarian or vegan does that? Just asking…
I lol’d…
http://www.dlisted.com/node/32808
I love it when people show up for the sole purpose of telling us what we can, and can’t, object to.
Agreed with Stefany – that’s a pretty ignorant stereotyping of vegetarians. I love meat substitutes. If you want to talk hypocrisy, talk about how the consumption of trucked-in processed meat substitutes creates a much larger carbon footprint than eating locally-raised animals.
Leave it to a vegetarian to use global warming to try to convince people.
By the way, how is that hypocrisy?
Longtime veggie, are you criticizing vegetarians/vegans for trucking in meat substitutes? Or carnivores for trucking in non-local meats?
Seems to me that if you’re going to use the carbon footprint argument, shipping meat from Iowa to a carnivore in Boston is no more of an environmental sin than shipping lettuce from the Central Valley to a vegan in New York.
Fake meats are truly gross. They a processed crap.
Give me a nice steak any day – particularly grass-fed.
LOL – I have very little to talk about with vegetarians – I follow the “paleo diet” (eating like we evolved to eat), meaning meat, fruit, veggies, and nuts. No grains, no beans, no rice, no corn. Not a lot of common ground beyond the salad bar. I guess I won’t be eating at her restaurant any time soon!
Paul McCartney’s ex-wive Heather Mills compares herself to Gandhi, Malcolm X, and Martin Luther King.
http://www.zimbio.com/Heather+Mills/articles/T4Gsa7M0dUd/Heather+Mills+Thinks+Next+Gandhi