Gwyneth Paltrow is a little slow. I’m sure you remember her heartfelt apology to PETA about her Tod’s ad campaign and her intense all-vegan birthday party for her daughter, Apple. Even her husband was named PETA’s Sexiest Vegetarian.
Well, now you too can learn about vegetarian eating and cooking with Ms. Paltrow…by learning to debone and roast a chicken! In her latest GOOP posting, Gwyneth demonstrates the art of cooking chicken and potatoes.
Using a pair of sharp kitchen shears, remove and discard the backbone of the chicken (or save it for making stock). With a sharp pairing [sic] knife, remove the thigh bones — simply follow the bone and let your knife do the work for you.
And this is no piece-of-vegan-cake recipe. In the seven-minute video you will learn to clean the chicken, pull its bones out, stuff it with goodness, and cook it! These are all critical skills for animal-loving, pseudo-vegetarian chefs.
Oh Gwyneth, is this worthy of another stellar apology to PETA? I hope so.
P.S. The post is only made better by the fact that her last post before the chicken delight is for a classic vegan sandwich. Yum. GOOP never disappoints.
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Thank goodness she has moved out of this country. Now if we could only make it illegal for her to post anything on the web.
“Today, we’re going to show you how to remove Gwyneth Paltrow’s brain…oh wait, it’s already gone!”
This may just mark a historic occasion: The tipping point at which I actually begin to root for PETA. Provided, of course, they post a video showing how to clean, stuff and cook a self-infatuated expatriate roboskank.
“Stupid is as Stupid does”, or so a wise man once said.
No Gwyneth that wasn’t Shakespear.
I think any situation which results in someone apologizing to PETA is a no-win.
I particularly like the part where she fondles the fresh herbs, her peppergrinder, and the olive oil bottle with her samonella laced schmutzy raw chicken fingers.
But hey, healthcare is free in jolly ol’ England, so why not celebrate with a little food poisoning?
I hear she is about to be named Cooking Czar by Obama.
What is there left to say about this imbecile?
I like the thought of food poisoning at chez Paltrow-Martin, and will think about that whenever I am feeling down. Thank you, Minnow. You give me hope.
Honestly. What does she think she’s doing?
The vegan sandwhich she found worthy of posting is a frickin’ vegetarian BLT with avocado?!?!?! Because NO ONE ELSE has ever thought of that. Jeebus.
Julia Child she is not
Melikes how GOOP never washes her hands after handling raw chicken.
Don’t touch that pepper grinder. Salmonella city people.
LOL at how Minnow and Beige had the same takeaways. Nothing like a cook who obviously does not cook.
Everybody knows you have to bruise the Rosemary first, people!
My culinary sensibilities are crying out in pain!
Wash those chickeny hands! Especially before tasting your dressing. Ewwww.
Don’t season the skin season the meat!
Slicing lemons with a chef’s knife and deboning with a paring knife? Are we in crazy backwards land?
Shaking potatoes? I refuse to believe that’s how the English cook their roast potatoes.
Forget Julia Child – she’s not even Rachel Ray.
She does have a nice Santuko though, Elle.
Interesting that “deboning” to Goop is removal of the spine and thigh bones only. I’d have called that “spatchcocking” or “splitting”, maybe “butterflying” if I was in a real pinch for descriptives.
“Deboning”? No.
Honey, if you lived with either Chris Martin OR Gwyneth Paltrow, “deboning” would be the name of the game. EWWWWW.
She is sofa king wee tar did. But, did you all catch how she said she pre-washed the bird before she started? Even after I wash a chicken, I’m still mindful about washing my hands and not touching or licking anything till I’ve washed again after handling the “clean” bird. I can imgaine Mario Batalli is very happy with his little chef in training right about now.
I caught the washing part Stacey, but didn’t think much about it because my grandmother was jewish too and she rubbed the heck out of everything with kosher salt.
You know how the Big Fat Greek father was with the Windex? Five foot tall Oma’s all feel that way about their salt flakes.
Perhaps it’s a mindset thing, the salt scrubbing is part of the kosher process. But clean in God’s eyes is very different than clean in the eyes of the USDA.
Hee…Martha certainly has nothing to worry about!
I wanted to see what ingenious little vegan sandwich we could cook up today, and she made a BLT, and called it a BLAT. Does anyone else do that? If my people put the “and” in the descriptors, we just say the sandwich’s whole name. Maybe I’m just behind on the times, and BLAT is a new-fangled sandwich word, but…ick.
Wow…
She’s a vegan, right?
Hmm it looks like she’s wearing one of those red Kabbalah bracelets. I never knew she was a follower. Makes sense, seeing she’s BFFs with Madonna.
When I ordered a BLT with avocado, I called it a BALT.
Oh, and Minnow – health care is free for the masses. GOOP will pay for her own doctor to take care of everyone’s food poisoning, rather than go to the hospital and deal with the “free” health care like the rest of the great unwashed (which is what got her in this mess, come to think of it).
Oh, and Minnow – health care is “free” for the masses. GOOP will pay for her own doctor to take care of everyone’s food poisoning, rather than go to the hospital and deal with the “free” health care like the rest of the great unwashed (which is what got her in this mess, come to think of it).
(If this is a duplicate, feel free to delete one of them.)
Her recipe for the Veggie BALT includes mayonnaise. Last time I looked, that is made with EGGS, which is not vegan.
Guys quit warning her about the whole salmonella thing!
Gwynneth Poultry ???
Did anybody notice how many things she cross contaminated?
Hey now! Back off! This has been a set-up by Deceiver! They edited out the part where she found a dead chicken outside! No animals were killed for this dish!
Which is worse, I wonder, Gywneth’s hypocritical apology, or PETA’s failure to call her on it? I guess it comes out even.
Oh this is just too good. Do ya think that she actually tries to think up things for you guys to post here?! It’s too perfect, every time.
I don’t think that she’s a vegan, on her “Road” show, she eats tons of shellfish, but turns up her nose at the red meat only.
Hey, Jannah, I’ll eat that hamburger at which Gwyneth turns up her nose. You know, as long as she didn’t cook it or anything.
Minnow, I didn’t realize Jewish folk salt their poultry to clean it. I salt my Thanksgiving turkey every year for extra juiciness…the hygiene is an added bonus!
Yep, MC. Everything gets a salt scrubbing, chicken, roasts, steaks, grandchildren…
She doesn’t seem to realize that unless you’re a very good chef with a lot of experience, a butcher is really the only one who should be deboning your chicken. It’s such a sloppy mess when most people try to do it themselves.
As for hygiene, did anyone hear Julia Child’s quote from her Esquire interview? She said if you’re alone in the kitchen and you drop the chicken on the floor, just pick it back up and cook it– “Who’s going to know?” Maybe Gwyneth is closer to Julia’s standards than we thought– we’ll just have to see if she has the (figurative) balls to cook her own lobster.
Between her and Chris Martin, I’d say she’s more likely of the two to have literal balls.