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28
Aug
09

Jeremy Piven Triumphant

Woo, Piven! You did it, buddy! According to the LA Times:

Jeremy Piven avoided a large payout after an arbitrator ruled Thursday he did not break his contract when he abruptly dropped out of the hit Broadway revival of “Speed-the-Plow” last December. Piven said he left because of fatigue brought on by high levels of mercury in his bloodstream. And the reason given for these elevated levels? His sushi addiction. As the play’s author, David Mamet, acidly remarked at the time, “My understanding is that he is leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer.”

Whew! Well, this obvious victory of justice hasn’t cured everyone’s skepticism. In fact, it prompted “The Grand Conspirator” at Heeb Magazine to add:

Now that Jeremy Piven’s fishy tale is safely off the hook—an arbitrator ruled in Piven’s favor in the dispute with the producers of Broadway’s Speed-the-Plow over his departure from the play—I suppose it won’t hurt to reveal what I heard. Last year, around the same time that Piven claimed that mercury poisoning forced him to drop out of David Mamet’s play, I attended a Tiny Vaudeville production in Los Angeles with Piven’s then personal assistant. Sitting in the theater waiting for the show to begin, I couldn’t resist asking about his boss’s fish eating habits. If anybody was to know the real story, it had to be the assistant; who do you think was making all those posh sushi bar reservations and placing to-go orders for sashimi? His response was discreet, but definitive—the mercury poisoning was “bulls***.”

Bulls***? What, like he’d make up an outrageous story to get out of a job he didn’t like, and then he’d be too arrogant to admit what everybody knows already? Phhhht! This is the Pivster we’re talkin’ about here, people!

Piven’s got a movie out right now, doesn’t he? Has anybody seen it? And by “anybody” I mean “anybody on Earth.” Nope, doesn’t look like it. Hey, fish aren’t the only things that can flop!

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32 Responses to “Jeremy Piven Triumphant”


  1. 1 Swede0319 Aug 28th, 2009 at 4:52 pm

    I hope that there is another Deceiver story waiting in the wings. I REALLY don’t want to look at jughead all week end or Monday morning for that matter.

  2. 2 Pastafarian Aug 28th, 2009 at 4:57 pm

    Yeah I saw his new movie. It stared Kurt Russel, and it was called “Used Cars”. It was pretty good!

  3. 3 Jannah Aug 28th, 2009 at 5:02 pm

    Pshh, how is it that this assistant wasn’t called to testify at this arbitration, if they have that sort of thing at arbitration? Damm shame that piece of info flew under the radar. Bet he’s feeling about as smug as that picture about right now.

  4. 4 Beige Aug 28th, 2009 at 5:18 pm

    If there is a hell, and I believe there is, Jeremy Piven will spend eternity bent over a table for Bruce Vilanch and Mao Zedong to take turns, because he is loathsome in every conceivable way.

  5. 5 Jess Aug 28th, 2009 at 5:19 pm

    He looks like he just let out a massive queef in that picture.

  6. 6 Koka Aug 28th, 2009 at 5:20 pm

    Somebody paid the “arbitar” off.

    And I agree with Swede……………..lose the @sshole’s picture, PLEASE.

  7. 7 Minnow Aug 28th, 2009 at 5:33 pm

    You know Swede & Koka, Deceiver has a habit of leaving us with Smuggy McJerk head shots over the weekend. It seems like it’s always either Peeven, Possum John, or the Octuterus.

    I better shut up though. The long Labor day weekend approaches and he might leave us something really skeevy just to prove his allpowerfulousnessosity.

    *shudder*

  8. 8 TheIrish Aug 28th, 2009 at 5:35 pm

    I can only assume that he blames the poor ticket sales for his crappy movie is because of mercury poisoning too.

  9. 9 Beige Aug 28th, 2009 at 5:38 pm

    No, see, when audiences avoid a liberal celebrity’s craptacular movie in droves, it’s because we flyovers “just don’t get it”.

  10. 10 Owitzia Aug 28th, 2009 at 5:55 pm

    @Pasta: That was my first thought when I saw the trailer. They’re redoing Used Cars, whose only draw was Kurt Russell…without Kurt Russell?

    As a sidenote, I actually liked Piven when he was on Ellen. *crawls under rock*

  11. 11 Simon Scowl Aug 28th, 2009 at 6:02 pm

    I better shut up though. The long Labor day weekend approaches and he might leave us something really skeevy just to prove his allpowerfulousnessosity.

    Bwah-ha-haaaaa.

  12. 12 Pastafarian Aug 28th, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    Kurt Russell makes everything NOT suck.

  13. 13 Swede0319 Aug 28th, 2009 at 6:38 pm

    I don’t know Pasta, Escape from New York was pretty suckie.

  14. 14 Swede0319 Aug 28th, 2009 at 6:42 pm

    I know that they have a tendency to do that Minnow, but I sacrificed a Commadore 64 so it won’t happen ever again. I guess the mojo wasn’t strong enough.
    ***heavy sigh***

  15. 15 jenn Aug 28th, 2009 at 7:40 pm

    Oh Minnow I had the same thought – last time Piven was given some Deceiver lovin they left his smarmy smirky face up for the weekend. His face makes queasy.

  16. 16 TheIrish Aug 28th, 2009 at 8:19 pm

    Well now they’re going to just leave it up there because someone dared to question the Eightiesrrific Awesomeness of Escape from New York.

  17. 17 Darla Aug 28th, 2009 at 9:06 pm

    As a “liberal”, per “Beige” (this is really a tired, overworked and useless tag),
    I specifically do NOT want to be affiliated with Jeremy Piven in any way. He’s a Douche Bag Supreme, smug-faced and arrogant little pisher, and even if he prevailed on his arbitration, I am thinking pay-back is coming to him one way or another. He’s going to find out that he’s significantly less hireable for pulling this crap on the Speed-the-plow folks. Can’t stand his smirking mug, and am thinking I am not alone here.

  18. 18 Fortunate_Son Aug 29th, 2009 at 12:33 am

    The first John Edwards article in over a year that does not include the name Rielle.

    “Its not great secret that Senator Kennedy… was my mentor… I adored him”
    -John Edwards

    http://www.necn.com/Boston/Politics/2009/08/28/John-Edwards-alongside-wife/1251497095.html

    One wonders what subjects Teddy Kennedy was tutoring Edwards in, and whether Rielle Hunter was ever asked to drive out to Chappaquiddick Island.

    Furthmermore, one wonders why healthcare is being cast as Teddy’s life’s work when he failed to summon any rescue ore call anyone’s attention to the care of Mary Jo Kopechne’s health, by then dead for ten hours in the front seat of Ted’s Oldsmobile, upside down in only seven feet of water. Curiously, a 6′2″ man of Ted’s height could have stood on the bottom of the car with his head 3 feet out of the water.

  19. 19 Darla Aug 29th, 2009 at 1:38 am

    Fortunate Son, what does your post have to do with Jeremy Piven?
    Even so, I think the eventual answer to your ponderings will be
    ETOH (booze). There is a reason why it is illegal to drink and drive. You’ve heard it impairs judgement? OK. I think that’s all you need to know, and you can stop wondering. Hope that helps.

  20. 20 Beige Aug 29th, 2009 at 8:09 am

    Darla, you making any movies these days? No? Didn’t think so. As for the tag you refer to as “tired, overworked and useless”, I tend to use “liberal” because “progressive” is misleading, and “socialist” gets people all wee-weed up with indignation. I can use “Communist”, if you prefer, since it’s virtually synonymous with “liberal” these days.

    Or were you referring to my poster name? If you were, let me assure you of exactly how much your opinion means to me.

  21. 21 Fortunate_Son Aug 29th, 2009 at 9:52 am

    Darla, I loved you in Little Rascals.

    By now you probably know that John Edwards and Jeremey Piven are actually the same person!

    Ever notice how they’re never seen together and they’re both ginormous assholes?

    Its not a coincidence!

  22. 22 Minnow Aug 29th, 2009 at 11:00 am

    …I specifically do NOT want to be affiliated with Jeremy Piven in any way….

    Honey, you might be a giant ball of flaming plasmatic gas, but the world really doesn’t revolve around you.

  23. 23 Les Paul Aug 30th, 2009 at 12:10 am

    Darla, For_Son just does that sometimes…actually, a lot, really. It’s his M.O.

    My Army son (the bomb squad guy) went and saw this, and, of course he pretty much likes guy flicks with lots of things being crashed, set on fire, etc., but he didn’t know much about Piven, or his recent antics (he doesn’t read tabloids, or Deceiver – still working on him on the latter). He said he should have seen GI Joe instead. Everything else about Piven aside, I kind of figured this was going to be one of those movies where the creators just didn’t have anything better to do, and it was just a movie to take up summer space. I asked him “were the funnier parts pretty much what was shown on TV?” He said yeah.

    Speaking of Kurt, and knowing my wife’s fondness of him (Overboard is her favorite), I once made a computer birthday card and put a picture of me and one of Kurt in it, and asked her which one she wanted. That was a close one. And I think it was only because he was in another time zone.

  24. 24 Marilyn Aug 30th, 2009 at 8:31 pm

    Fortunate Son – Since you seem to know what’s going on with Rielle Hunter, has she and Frances moved into that big house in Wilmington JE promised her? I would think that JE would be in your good graces since he has decided to take care of RH and Frances? BTW, why is RH still selling stories to NE if she getting child support from JE?

    As far as Kennedy mentoring JE…?

  25. 25 Fortunate_Son Aug 31st, 2009 at 10:33 am

    Rielle has not moved to Wilmington. JE has not yet acknowleged paternity, and as recently as last week Elizabeth Edwards strongly implied a DNA test had not yet taken place.

    Parsed independently, she does not deny a DNA test, but the Edwards’ have always spoken in a misleading, carefully legalese manner that the media does not bother to verify… read Edwards’ “confession”. He really confesses nothing, and doesn’t even deny loving Rielle Hunter.

    JE is not in my good graces. Every word to the public out of his mouth for over a year was a complete lie, and he was almost the Vice President, President, and Attorney General.

    In the final analysis, his wife Elizabeth’s public credibility will be worse than John’s, as she was the public bearer of the most recent cart of lies.

    RH has never sold stories to the National Enquirer.

    The following is my OPINION only.

    Her sister and Robert Phillip McGovern are the primary suspects as the initial tipsters.

    Hunter’s ex-business partner Mimi Hockman has sold stories to the media several times.

    Andrew Young and his wife Cheri were simply loyal and wronged lieutenants.

    Permanently smeared, i might add.
    (Bad move on Elizabeth Edwards’ part to paint him as “Jim”, the hero worshipping, homoerotic campaign servant).

  26. 26 Marilyn Aug 31st, 2009 at 6:16 pm

    Okay – if RH didn’t sell the latest NE stories – are you saying the sister whom she doesn’t even speak to for 15 years is behind the latest stories? Or Mimi Hockman?

  27. 27 Fortunate_Son Sep 1st, 2009 at 1:09 am

    Rielle is still isolated from her all her long term friends like Pigeon, etc, except for Mimi Hockman, whose house she was living at after the Andrew Young cover story fell apart in California.

    That said, there are hundreds of players in the game now, not two, and any nurse, lab tech, paralegal, or copy clerk along the way could’ve spilled the beans.

    John Edwards’ long term friends have tended to be a little less flaky than Rielle Hunter’s long term friends. They kept their mouths shut longer and they asked a lot less questions.

    Edwards made a huge mistake by cutting Andrew Young out of the picture. His recent book push seems to bolster the theory that he was never a weak link until Edwards isolated him.

  28. 28 Marilyn Sep 1st, 2009 at 10:45 am

    Fortunate Son – Are you saying that RH is no longer living in South Orange, NJ with her friend Mimi?

    Will there be more coming out on this sordid mess when the Grand Jury meets in September?

  29. 29 MC Mom Sep 1st, 2009 at 2:06 pm

    Well, I’d say Kurt Russell makes everything better, only it was Val Kilmer who really put ‘Tombstone’ over the top. In more ways than one.

    No response from Darla…perhaps she took her entertainment elsewhay-ah?

  30. 30 Marilyn Sep 7th, 2009 at 4:50 am

    Fortunate Son –

    Now I know why you never answered my last question, where Hunter is living. Looks like your dream for “the beautiful Rielle” is coming true – she will get JE in the end… or at least the life style.

    http://twitter.com/Patrick_Fleming/statuses/3806708370

    “Figure Eight rumor mill: John Edwards has moved his mistress/baby’s mama to the Porter’s Neck area… a quick drive from his beach house.”

    Wonder if this will be front page on the National Enquirer this week? Or will Rielle not sell story or pictures – I know you said she’s not behind the story selling but she must be telling her “friends”.

  1. 1 Denise Richards Strolls With Her Babies! Weekend Love Links! | Celebrity Dirty Laundry Pingback on Aug 29th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
  2. 2 Jeremy Piven Eating Fish Again! at Deceiver.com Pingback on Oct 2nd, 2009 at 2:33 pm

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