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Archive for September, 2009

30
Sep

This Just In: Roman Polanski Still a Creep

By now you’ve probably heard that a bunch of celebrities are signing a petition calling for the release of Roman Polanski. Maybe the beautiful people don’t realize that he’s an admitted and utterly unrepentant child-rapist. Maybe they haven’t read — er, haven’t had their people read — the harrowing court testimony of Polanski’s victim. Maybe they just don’t care because it was a super-long time ago and besides, they hope to work with him one day. Whatever the case, they’re standing up for the little pedo. The best part is that one of the signatories is none other than Woody Allen. Maybe he figured, “Hey, why not? Everybody’s gonna be joking about it anyway.”

But there’s good news: Celebs aren’t all nuts! Well, not about this, anyway.

Courtesy of the magic of Twitter, here’s @jeweljk, AKA the lovely singer-songwriter Jewel:

Polanski-admitted raping a 13 yr old-whys every1 in the arts upset hes facing jail? cause hes a gifted director? what am i missing?

It’s not what she’s missing, but what she’s not missing: a soul.

Tweetwhile, @kirstiealley also chimed in:

JUST FOR THE RECORD….RAPE IS RAPE…this is one HOLLYWOOD STAR who does not CELEBRATE or DEFEND Roman Polanski..his ART did not RAPE her

Which just goes to show that an oddly capitalized message from a crazy person who perhaps overestimates her own star power can also contain an indisputable truth! You know Whoopi Goldberg is having a bad week when Kirstie Alley is making more sense than her.

Speaking of Whoopi, guess which product she just started endorsing?

WhoopiTouch

Keep in mind that it’s only a myTouch, not a myTouch-myTouch. Coming soon is a version for tweens called the KidTouch.

29
Sep

Whoopi Explains the Difference Between Rape and RAPE-Rape

Roman Polanski’s long-overdue arrest is already paying great dividends in celebrity stupidity. And when it comes to Dee You Em Bee That Spells Dumb, you can always count on Whoopi Goldberg:

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“I know it wasn’t rape-rape. It was something else but I don’t believe it was rape-rape… When we’re talking about what someone did, and what they were charged with, we have to say what it actually was, not what we think it was.”

Well, Whoopi, a grand jury thought that what Roman Polanski did was giving a drug to a minor, committing a lewd act upon a person less than 14, rape of a minor, rape by use of a drug, oral copulation, and sodomy. Polanski made a plea bargain, and the charge was reduced to engaging in unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor. He pled guilty and was convicted, but then skipped the country before he could be sentenced. So it seems like what he did and what he ended up being charged with are two different things to begin with, even putting aside his flight from justice. At the very least, “what it actually was” was statutory rape. That’s if you’re sticking to the terms of the plea bargain he made and then violated.

But who are we to say what we think it was? If only Whoopi had been famous back in ‘77, and Google had existed so an intern with a laptop could blurt stuff into her earpiece (assuming that wasn’t just one of the voices in her head), she could have explained to all those silly Standard English-speakers that hey, it wasn’t rape-rape. Sure, okay, the girl was 13 and he had sex with her against her will after drugging her. But that’s not rape-rape. Fine, so he fled the country after being released under the terms of the plea agreement he made, with the understanding that he wouldn’t, y’know, flee. Big deal, who hasn’t? Doesn’t make it rape-rape.

To give you an idea of Polanski’s mindset, here’s a snippet from the Washington Post on February 3, 1978 (courtesy of the Roman Polanski Media Reports Archive, maintained by novelist and child protection attorney Andrew Vachss):

Film director Roman Polanski arrived at his Paris apartment yesterday (after a stop in London) having fled the United States just hours before he was to have been sentenced in a California court for his admitted unlawful sexual relations with a 13-year-old girl last March.

Polanski, 44, a French citizen, was said by friends to be exhausted by the 42 days he spent undergoing psychiatric tests.

Polanski’s probation report said he was profoundly affected by the brutal murder of his wife, actress Sharon Tate, in 1969. Court sources said the film director, imprisoned in Auschwitz by the Nazis during the World War II, was repelled by the thought of possibly serving more time behind bars.

The British Broadcasting Corp. quoted Polanski as saying by telephone, “I’ve been tortured by this for a year and that’s enough.”

Got that? Roman Polanski had been punished enough, declared Roman Polanski. After all, when a guy has endured both Auschwitz and the Manson Family, doesn’t he deserve a little rape-that’s-not-rape-rape?

Update: As Jezebel points out, Whoopi’s own daughter got pregnant at 15. So that might have something to do with it.

Update: “Can we take a moment to think about the fact that Polanski pled guilty to unlawful sex with a minor before we start talking about what a victim he is? Because that would be great.

Update: HuffPo Goes All In to Defend Polanski, Readers Revolt

29
Sep

Kelly Osbourne Hates Short Skirts

kelly short

Reality TV’s poster child for teen rebellion, Kelly Osbourne, apparently has a problem with short skirts.  Page Six reports that at Friday’s Teen Vogue Young Hollywood party, the Dancing with the Stars contestant told a pal:

She was “shocked” at how short the skirts of female partygoers were since they were all so young.

Note: Kelly is only 24.  All this is a little funny since Ms. Osbourne’s fashion history shows a fondness for short skirts (not to mention her other strange clothing choices).  She even had a “Britney moment” of her own.

We’ll have to see what kind of “dresses” DWTS costumers have in store this season for the hater of short skirts.  Maybe she can dance in a muumuu.

28
Sep

Roman Polanski: What’s a Little Pedophilia Between Friends?

PolanskiIn 1977, when Chinatown director Roman Polanski was 44 years old, he asked the mother of 13-year-old Samantha Gailey if he could take some pictures of the girl for the French edition of Vogue. Gailey’s mother agreed. During a photo shoot in the Los Angeles home of Jack Nicholson (who was not present), Polanski took nude photos of the resistant girl after giving her champagne and qualudes, and then raped and sodomized her.

Polanski was charged with rape by use of drugs, perversion, sodomy, and lewd and lascivious acts upon a child under 14. He made a plea bargain, and the charge was reduced to engaging in unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor. After pleading guilty and serving part of his sentence in state prison, Polanski was released, under terms of the plea agreement, to work on his then-current film. He took this opportunity to flee to Britain and then France, where he has lived ever since. France has refused all requests for extradition.

Then he decided to attend a film festival being held in his honor in Switzerland, and got nabbed in the Zurich airport Saturday night.

Better late than never, right? Not if you’re Anne Applebaum of the Washington Post, who protests:

Here are some of the facts: Polanski’s crime — statutory rape of a 13-year-old girl — was committed in 1977. The girl, now 45, has said more than once that she forgives him, that she can live with the memory, that she does not want him to be put back in court or in jail, and that a new trial will hurt her husband and children. There is evidence of judicial misconduct in the original trial. There is evidence that Polanski did not know her real age. Polanski, who panicked and fled the U.S. during that trial, has been pursued by this case for 30 years, during which time he has never returned to America, has never returned to the United Kingdom, has avoided many other countries, and has never been convicted of anything else. He did commit a crime, but he has paid for the crime in many, many ways: In notoriety, in lawyers’ fees, in professional stigma. He could not return to Los Angeles to receive his recent Oscar. He cannot visit Hollywood to direct or cast a film.

Putting aside some of the logic problems here (If Polanski didn’t know the girl was underage, why did he ask for her mother’s permission to photograph her? If he’s paid for his crime in “professional stigma,” how did he get nominated for an Oscar, let alone win one? If a victim forgives her attacker, does that mean no crime was committed and he’s free to evade lawful punishment?), Applebaum has bigger problems right now.

LA-based blogger Patterico reports:

Applebaum failed to mention that her husband is a Polish foreign minister who is lobbying for Polanski’s case to be dismissed:

In Polanski’s native Poland, President Lech Kaczynski and Foreign Minister Radoslaw Sikorski said they would appeal to US authorities to drop proceedings against Polanski.

The PAP news agency said Sikorski was consideri[ng] a direct appeal to US President Barack Obama to end ‘once and for all’ the proceedings against the filmmaker.

Radoslaw Sikorski is married to Anne Applebaum:

Anne Applebaum is a columnist for the Washington Post and Slate. . . . Her husband, Radoslaw Sikorski, is a Polish politician and writer.

Applebaum failed to mention this little fact.

So at the same time that she was giving readers a fact-challenged screed in support of Polanski, she was failing to disclose that her husband was a Polish official who was lobbying for Polanski’s freedom.

I work for the L.A. County District Attorney’s office, which is seeking Polanski’s extradition; that is no secret to anyone who reads this blog (nor is it a secret that I do not speak on behalf of my office on this blog). By contrast, it is not well known to Applebaum’s readers that her husband is a Polish official actively involved in the effort on Polanski’s behalf.

This conflict of interest would be tough to overlook even if Applebaum’s column made complete sense and wasn’t morally repugnant. That is, unless you think someone should be above the law because he makes movies that French people like.

Update: In addition to Applebaum’s aforementioned sins, she’s not a very good liar.

28
Sep

Harrison Ford’s Six Aircraft Probably Aren’t Solar Powered

harrison-ford-treeIt’s too bad Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart are about to be hitched, because it seems like he has a soulmate in Gisele Bundchen. Following in her footsteps, Indiana Jones shares his passion for both environmental causes and flying fuel-sucking helicopters and five private planes in the print edition of Hello!:

On his love of flying
Ford: “I’m not just an actor. I’m also a pilot. I really enjoy the mix of freedom and responsibility that flying requires. I’m not seeking out the adrenaline as much as the pleasure of calculating risk and knowing where the dangers are.”

On his love for Calista
Ford: “I was 60 when I fell in love with Calista. What surprised me most was that I was still capable of establishing a long-lasting relationship, making a serious commitment. With my children, in my private life or my work, I try to learn from my mistakes and evolve.”

On a green wedding
Ford: “I haven’t thought about ‘greening my wedding.’ My wedding was always going to be green.”

Oh really? So how, Celebitchy asks, does his extravagant lifestyle fit into that?

Ford doesn’t say much about his commitment to environmental causes, but Hello! points out that he’s doing promotional work for the Team Earth project, which encourages people to live a more sustainable lifestyle. In that same interview, Ford admits to owning more motorcycles that he can count on both hands and Hello! mentions that Ford, a pilot, has five airplanes and a helicopter and owns three residences. Now how is owning six aircraft and three homes compatible with being conscious of your environmental impact?

(A tip of the hat to Celebitchy for doing our jobs for us.)

25
Sep

Michael Jackson’s Rabbi Publishes Transcripts of Private Talks

mj-boteachRabbi Shmuley Boteach is on a publicity tour to promote his new book, The Michael Jackson Tapes: A Tragic Icon Reveals His Soul in Private Conversation. (A curious definition of “private,” don’t you think?)

As he hyped in his guest post on HuffingtonPost.com:

[The book] contains the most of insightful, raw, painful, and authentic conversations for public distribution that Michael ever had. It was Michael’s desperate wish that our conversations be produced and the book be published so that his heart might be known to a public he understood was greatly suspicious of him. He wanted to share a deeper side of himself that our friendship had begun to uncover. The depth and searing honesty of the conversations contained in the book are sure to change the public’s perception of Michael forever.

Interesting, then, that the conversations were reportedly taped in 2000 and 2001 and only now released when the publicity wave surrounding MJ’s death is still cresting (and will surely continue to grow with the release of the This Is It movie next month).

And ever wonder who, praytell, is responsible for contributing to the public’s perception of Michael Jackson as a pedophile? Why, Rabbi Boteach, of course! From an editorial he published in 2005 during MJ’s last child-molestation trial:

One of the reasons that this is the ugliest trial in memory is that everyone is guilty. Michael Jackson may be the one on trial for molestation, but equally culpable are the mothers who are testifying that Michael molested their children. Why did they allow their kids to be alone with an adult at night in his bedroom? Even if Michael is not a molester — and I pray that he is not — isn’t the proper place for a child with his or her parents? Isn’t the foremost role of a parent to be a guardian?

America has to wake up to the crisis of its own soullessness. The pursuit of money and celebrity has driven some Americans to use their own children as the means by which to obtain these rewards.

Arguably, the pursuit of money and celebrity may have also led a religious leader to break the trust of a dead man and publish some conversations that were never meant for public consumption. Judaism isn’t as big on confession as Christianity is, but that doesn’t make what this charlatan is doing right.

25
Sep

Another Tough Week to Be an Ecocrite

First we found out that the very important scientific data proving WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE FROM GLOBAL WARMING is, um… Well, you see… They sort of lost it. The dogma ate their homework! Which doesn’t mean you shouldn’t shut up about the sweeping legislation Congress is trying to pass based on that nonexistent data, of course.

Then we had the U.N. Summit on Climate Change, where a bunch of big shots flew into NYC from all over the globe to tell the rest of us we need to stop flying all over the globe.

lovelyAnd now we’ve got the U.S. premiere of The Age of Stupid, the tantalizingly titled documentary featuring none other than… Pete Postlethwaite. Who? Well, he’s best known to American audiences as “That guy in The Usual Suspects who played the Japanese dude who obviously wasn’t Japanese, even though it didn’t matter anyway because Keyser Soze was making up the whole thing, whoops, spoiler.”

These days Postlethwaite has moved on from shaky Asian accents to shaky pseudoscience. Here’s the logline for this no-doubt-compelling bit of cinema:

This ambitious documentary/drama/animation hybrid stars Pete Postlethwaite as an archivist in the devastated world of the future, asking the question: “Why didn’t we stop climate change when we still had the chance?” He looks back on footage of real people around the world in the years leading up to 2015 before runaway climate change took place.

Sounds kind of like The Terminator, except even more… What’s the word? Stupid.

And now we have this delightful clip from documentarian Phelim McAleer (Not Evil, Just Wrong) at the NYC premiere of the planet-saving pic, asking the filmmakers and other celebrities in attendance one simple question: “How did you get to New York?”

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As if it’s not cringey enough to listen to Gillian Anderson trying to explain herself — “Y’know, sometimes, sometimes some people have to fly in order to make a stand, in order to get people’s attention for these issues” — they actually kicked McAleer out just for asking that one little question! As he says: “The message is clear. The rest of us are not allowed to ask environmentalists difficult questions.”

If the thesis of your Very Important Documentary is that flying around in airplanes is killing the planet, you’d think it would be legitimate to ask those attending your premiere if they’re still flying around in airplanes. Guess not!

(Hat tip to awesome Deceiver commenter Jenn)

Update: Brendan O’Neill says, “This is one of the worst films I have ever seen. And bear in mind that I have seen both Digby the Biggest Dog in the World and Miss Congeniality II.”

24
Sep

Karina Smirnoff’s Milkshake Brings All the Hypocrites to the Yard

AaronKarinasmLast night, Dancing with the Stars own Karina Smirnoff trotted out her cute lil’ derrière to go sell some dairy fare. Via MillionsOfMilkshakes.com:

Aaron Carter and Karina Smirnoff, currently the favorite couple on ABC’s hit show, “Dancing with the Stars,” hit Millions of Milkshakes in West Hollywood on Wednesday night after the show to launch their specialty shakes…

Karina’s shake included chocolate-vanilla swirl ice cream, Oreos, brownie pieces, cookie dough, and Ferrero Rocher, with chocolate sauce, topped with chocolate chips.

Sounds yummy. Way to go, Karina!

You know who’s not so big on dairy products, though? You’ll never guess.

Go ahead and guess.

Did you guess PETA? Right-o. They think milk sucks! You can sort of tell because they’ve got a site called MilkSucks.com. Not a lot of wiggle room there.

But what does that have to do with Karina Smirnoff? Glad you asked! (Kinda NSFW, probably)

Continue reading ‘Karina Smirnoff’s Milkshake Brings All the Hypocrites to the Yard’

24
Sep

Screech’s Boring Tell-All Book About ‘Saved by the Bell’ Costars

dustin-diamond-book-coverDustin Diamond, the comedian actor guy who played meganerd Screech on Saved by the Bell, is telling all on his former co-stars in a new book that came out this week. Us Weekly has a sneak peek at the sordid secrets of Bayside High School:

“I could smell a certain ’smoke,’ wafting from from the crack” underneath his castmates’ dressing rooms, says Diamond, 32, who played the dork Screech.

He also alleges costar Mark Paul Gosselaar  — who played popular Zack Morris — used steroids before production started on 1994’s short-lived Saved by the Bell: The College Years.

“He suddenly exploded with manliness, loading 25 pounds of muscle on his once-scrawny frame in, oh, about a month,” says Diamond, who is not in touch with any of his costars. (Gosselaar, 35, has dismissed his costar’s so-called revelations to Us: “We weren’t in rehab and Mr. Belding wasn’t my crack dealer.” His rep had no comment.)

Diamond — who filed for bankruptcy in 2001 and had his own sex tape released in 2006 — goes on to say his costars hooked up off-camera.

“If Kelly [Tiffani Thiessen] was interested in Slater [Mario Lopez] one week, then backstage there was a lot going between them in Mario [Lopez]’s room,” he tells the new Us Weekly. “Then, if Jessie [Elizabeth Berkley] kisses Zack, then you know Elizabeth Berkley is going in Mark-Paul’s room.”

Backing up a moment to that sex tape — the verb tense is correct. He released his own obscene sex tape against the advice of his agent because he thought it would help establish his comedy career:

Unlike in cases of the other aforementioned celebrities, Dustin Diamond will not try to prevent the tape from going public. To everybody’s surprise, his manager, Roger Paul, said he is actually hoping that seeing Screech getting at it would help him shake off the Screech typecast and establish him as the serious stand-up comedian that he is.

“I haven’t seen the tape. I’ve heard rumors. Dustin has been trying to escape the Screech typecast. So this may help get more bookings,” Paul added.

I have to assume the Screech typecast was probably working more for him than Gross Douchebag Nobody Will Ever Want To Work With Again. How is this book funny at all?

By the way, that is the actual cover design at right. It was apparently made using Kid Pix graphics software around the time Saved by the Bell was still on the air.

23
Sep

It Takes Some Big Carbon Shoes to Save the Planet

And hey, you’re gonna leave some footprints! That’s what the U.N. Summit on Climate Change always teaches us. As the snappily-named CBS Political Hotsheet reports:

To hear world leaders and others addressing the United Nations Summit on Climate Change, the threat could not be more real and the need more urgent to reduce emissions of greenhouse gases.

But in stark contrast to the earnest statements is the carbon footprint associated with their gathering.

It happens every autumn: midtown Manhattan becomes the motorcade capital of the world. Each foreign leader in town has a convoy of vehicles. Some of them, like President Obama’s motorcade, are 20-to-30 vehicles in length. It’s so long – it seems that when the front of it reaches the U.N., the back end is still back at his hotel.

Exacerbating the annual exercise in diplomatic gridlock are police actions, blocking intersections and closing streets for security to facilitate motorcade movements. It renders countless other vehicles immobile while waiting for motorcades to pass, their engines idling but still blowing exhaust into the midtown air.

Does it undermine the goal of the climate change summit and cause the pledges of environmental concern to ring hollow?

I’m gonna go out on a global warming-ravaged limb and say: Yes!

Haven’t these guys heard of teleconferencing? Heck, they could get as much done (i.e., nothing) by setting up an e-mail list. But then they wouldn’t get to ride around in fancy cars and give big important speeches and generally party it up. It’s like the Oscars, except even less useful.

Oh, and WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE, etc.




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