If you haven’t vomited yet today, here’s your chance: Nerve.com decided to enlist the services of one Spencer Pratt as a relationship advice columnist. Highlights below.
On the new season of The Hills, you guys are dealing with newlywed life. I’m getting married in two months and suddenly I’m getting cold feet. I love my boyfriend, but I’m afraid things will change. How should I prepare for the realities of marriage?
I never really got cold feet. I think if I had gotten cold feet, I wouldn’t be married right now. This is the biggest decision of your life, I don’t think you can even have that feeling. So, I think she should reconvene and postpone. Tell them due to mental illness.
“Never really got cold feet”? Need we remind him of last year’s Mexican wedding fiasco?
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie might be going through some bumpy times. What do you think Brangelina could learn from your successful relationship?
I think that since their relationship was founded on infidelity, their structure, their foundation is always going to be impossible. She’s always going to be thinking, “Wait. You already did this to Jen. Are you gonna do this to me?” Thank God I don’t live that life, because I don’t see how you can keep that marriage together. Personally, if I got together with my wife after cheating on my last wife, I’d definitely think my wife is a shady little hussy who could be cheating on me any time.
Three words that will hopefully only mean anything to people who watch The Hills: Stacie the Bartender.
My boyfriend is obsessed with becoming a reality-TV star; he thinks he’ll win Big Brother. I’m scared it will hurt our relationship. What tips can you give me about keeping a relationship strong in the face of reality TV?
I would buy our book that comes out in November, How To Be Famous, by Heidi and Spencer, and that would definitely have some helpful hints. But it’s all the test of the relationship — I think every man should have to go through a reality show with their family members, before they have to get married, because that proves that he can handle a marriage. Reality TV for marriage is like the crash dummy in the commercials for cars.
No hypocrisy here, just a delightful dose of douchiness.
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All I can say is thank God it is not Friday and we won’t have to look at that douchey face for the weekend.
Think of it this way. What kind of person does someone have to be to ask HIM?
I’ve noticed that vomiting is kind of a theme on this blog. Just sayin’.
Sigh. It’s like he’s Dr. Duh, whirling through space and time in his own personal ReTARDIS.
I’ve seen some other posts about this person and I wish I knew who he was.
Perhaps I am lucky I don’t.
Love that he’d judge his wife for participating in the cheating, but not judge himself. Guy’s slick, even managed to work in a book plug.
Does Nerve.com refer to the last one that he’s getting on?
I love how you guys always find the douchiest looking photos of the celebs you write about, although, with Mr. Pratt, it’s not hard to find a douchy photo.
The English use the word pratt to describe a total idiot. His name fits him to a tee.
“buy our book that comes out in december?” can he even frickin read??? hahahaha what a total joke. it’s getting to the point where its not even amusing anymore, it’s just plain annoying. their 15 minutes was UP a long time ago.. time to go away now.
Seeking him out for dating advice is like asking David Letterman on how to remain faithful to someone. Can we please get something up here quick so I do no even have to see this idiot’s face for one day?
@Katie: He’s probably hoping that someone will buy it and read it to him. Plus, the pop-ups are supposed to be really cute.
You’ve been on an alliteration kick lately, and I like it.
WTF, you can never have doubts about your relationship or you shouldn’t be in it? Good Lord…I’ll be single for all eternity.
I’ve heard the mercury poisoning excuse works too.
So do the “It’s just my culture/upbringing” and “Yawl jus haterz, yo” excuses.
My sister was backstage for the Miss Universe pageant that Heidi “performed” at. She says that they really that bubble-headed, self-involved, and douchey in real life.
yikes.
And how in the name of little green apples is reality TV a stress-test to determine marriage suitability? Really, has he never heard of pre-marital counseling?
Pearce – not just doubts but “Tell them due to mental illness.” Having NORMAL doubt and fears about marriage makes you mentally ill? Wow, talk about someone who needs to be locked up for a 3 day evaluation! This from someone who had demonstrated clear signs of Borderline & Narcissistic Personality Disorders along with serious control and anger management issues. Obviously, someone who knows what is is talking about!
The title kills me – “How To Be Famous”.
They left off the subtitle: “For Being a Money-Grubbing Famewhore with No Talent and a Messiah Complex”.
Number of tips in the book: 3
1. Jump in front of any camera you see anytime, anywhere in any situation – especially when your wife’s plastic “Christian” breasts are exposed
2. Open your mouth and prove you are a douche bag
3. Repeat steps 1 & 2 until the world is nauseous
I’m mentally ill because I pause to question major commitments before I make them to be sure they’re a good idea!
….where are the men in white coats?
Pearce – I guess, according to the Pratt, the entire world is mentally ill because they dare to actually USE their brains and THINK about things before do something — obviously a concept he and bubble head don’t get. (Can you actually THINK if you are bubble head or are there just muffled echos bouncing around an empty space?)
Um…at the White House?
LOL beige! spencer and heidi (i’m even ashamed that i know who they are) are so so so vile.
“…if I got together with my wife after cheating on my last wife, I’d definitely think my wife is a shady little hussy who could be cheating on me any time.”
I, too, love it how he’d be suspicious of his wife if he had cheated previously. So, let me get this straight, you are the cheating two-timing douche who cheated on your wife No.1 with the wife No.2, but in your mind that makes your wife (No.2) a whore? Nice one, Spence. Douche. Stay classy, Speidi.