If you’ve seen Lindsay Lohan lately, you know she’s looking pretty good. That is, assuming she’s been lying this whole time and was actually born in 1957. She’s like Dorian Gray in reverse. Nancy Pelosi took a good look at her and did the sign of the cross. What I’m saying is that it’s bad.

Michael Lohan says Lindsay’s on drugs. Dina Lohan says Michael should just shut up!

Furious Dina told Page Six yesterday: “I don’t go — like my ex — on national television and make things up. He’s estranged from Lindsay; he doesn’t know what’s going on in her life. Michael doesn’t talk to her.

“I’ve had full custody of all my children for the last 10 years. He has been incarcerated for some of that time, so whatever is going on in Lindsay’s personal life is our business. And for him getting paid to say things about her when he’s five months behind in child support is wrong…”

When we asked if Lindsay does have addiction problems, Dina, who sounded tired and emotional, said, “I have no idea what he is talking about. I can’t comment on everything my ex says.”

Lindsay was also hurt by criticism of her debut Ungaro fashion line. Dina said, “The critics can say whatever they want, but Lindsay is a genius.”

Lindsay Lohan is a genius in much the same way her mom is an adequate parent. (Whoops, I mean “adequite.”) You know you suck when Michael Lohan has a better grasp of reality than you do.

But then, Dina’s been way too busy to notice that her daughter is turning into a creature from World of Warcraft. She’s got her own career to worry about! Here’s a press release we got the other day, complete and unexpurgated. (Note to Dina: That means I didn’t change it in any way.)

DINA LOHAN, ONE OF THE WORLD’S MOST FAMOUS MOTHERS TO ANNOUNCE HER OWN DESIGNER SHOELINE ”SHOE-HAN” AND BECOME NATIONAL SPOKESMODEL AT NEWS CONFERENCE ON THURS OCT 8TH-2pm NYC

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Dina Lohan, diva and star of the hit E! show “Living Lohan,” as well as mother to actress and starlet Lindsay, will be holding a major press conference and media reception on Thursday October, 8th at 2pm at Trump Plaza, 725 5th Avenue, Floor 21, Marc Fisher showroom, to announce a creation of her new own shoe line, “Shoe-han” as well as becoming a national spokesmodel for the popular LoveMyShoes.com retail designer ladies footwear stores.

Other celebrities that have sold millions of shoes include: Vanessa Hudgens, Jessica Simpson, Gwen Stefani, Star Jones, Carlos Santana and more.

LoveMyShoes.com hopes to have Dina’s shoes available world-wide from coast to coast by Mother’s Day. She will be appearing as a shoe fashionista later this on month on television and radio commercials. The shoe store chain was founded on Long Island, home of the Lohan family.

Contact: Josie Zohny
917-742-3777

You can’t un-read that now. Sorry. Although you can call Josie Zohny and ask her to give your soul back.

In Other Awesome Parent News: Letterman took Stephanie Birkitt on vacation with his wife and kid.