In a hysterical, imploding, raucous exchange in the House of Commons two weeks ago, there was a showdown between the Archbishop of Canterbury’s Commissioner Sir Stuart Bell and several Members of Parliament.
The background:
The Church Commissioners, headed by Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams, submitted a proposed housing development scheme invloving 2,000 new homes in West Sussex. Their reason? To “meet local housing needs” … and make money. Local MPs were upset to say the least. Especially because Williams had spent the exact same day berating lecturing, according to ReligiousIntelligence, “calling for people to rediscover their responsibility for the environment and insisting that engaging in “apparently small-scale action” in “personal habits and local possibilities” was vital to the nation’s health.
“When we believe in transformation at the local and personal level, we are laying the surest foundations for change at the national and international level,” he said. People, he added, are “dehumanized” by buying things. Apparently massive quantities of land have their own loophole.
I have reconstructed the fight in Commons here, in a mix of hearsay, direct quotes, and inference. Feel free to read the rest of this with a British accent (in your head, of course — you’re at work, remember?):
The speakers:
Mr. Nick Gibb (Conservative and Member of Parliament for Bognor Regis and Littlehampton)
Sir Stuart Bell (Second Church Estates Commissioner, a Commission headed by Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Cantebury)
The conversation:
Mr. Gibb: What is the size of the church’s agricultural holdings?
Sir Bell: Church Commissioners hold over “109,000 acres of English farmland, spread across 44 estates and over 300 farms.”
Mr Gibb: But the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr. Williams, “wants more food to be grown locally and has attacked organisations driven solely by the desire to make money. Is it not therefore paradoxical that the Church Commissioners, which he chairs, wants to concrete over 3,000 acres of prime agricultural land to the west of Chalcraft lane in my constituency? When challenged, the Commissioners say they want to build on that land because they are obliged to maximise the amount of money they make. If the Archbishop of Canterbury were a politician, would it not be fair to say that he says one thing but does another?” I find this worrying.
Sir Bell: Is is “always pleasant when the Archbishop of Canterbury is cited in the House of Commons. I am sure that he does not wish to be a politician and I would urge him not to be one.”
Members of Parliament, standing: “He is!” “He is a Member!” “Shame!”
For a moment, I thought they were about to break into song and anoint him Pirate King. But back to the action…
Sir Bell: “The archbishop is a Member of the House of Commons now, is he?”
Members of Parliament, shouting: “He is in the Lords.”
Sir Bell: “He is a Member in Parliament.” I am “being diverted” from the matter at hand. “We have a legal duty to our beneficiaries. On this occasion, we accept that we have met some controversy in his constituency, but we have not to be distracted from our fiduciary duty. As the member are “in an enlightened mood, may I cite the scriptures? In Ezekiel, it states: ‘In controversy they shall stand in judgment…and they shall keep my laws and statutes’. We propose to keep the laws and statutes of Parliament that have been conferred upon the Church Commissioners.”
The conclusion:
The Archibishop and Co. are using scripture, “fiduciary duty,” and, well, God and money, to defend lecturing their constituents about living green while selling off millions in assets and building massive modern developments on green fields.
The actors leave the stage, practicing their best “silly walks.”
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The narrator I envisioned sounded a lot like Gwynneth Paltrow, but smeared in salmonella.
Too bad the leader of my church is, well, a hypocrite. Although I suppose you could say that about a lot of church leaders.
If you haven’t seen any English parliamentary debates, you should. They are about a thousand times more entertaining than C-SPAN.
I think Rowan Atkinson would make a MUCH better Archbishop. He’d at least have a sense of irony.
“…they have HUGE…tracts of land…”
British folk are strange. I read that whole thing and I’m pretty sure I’m now dumber. I understood the part up to the transcript. After that it seems one british bloke (I think I used that term correctly) was mad at another, who then in retort quoted Ezekiel and everyone was happy.
I do love a good silly walk though.
Proving once again that nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.
GAH!!!! Awesome, a pic of a disembodied head for halloween.
)
LOL Snitch, et.al.
I heard that the archbishop never even wanted to do that job in the first place. Something about him wanting to be a lumberjack.
Maybe that’s why he bought all that land. So he could personally chop all the trees down before they built the houses.
He makes a kick ass egg though.
Oh wait that’s Cadbury.
I’m with Bill. been silly walking on occasion since high school.
I think I’ll bravely runaway on this one. And I’m ok!
Maybe he’s just pining for the fjords.
Man I’m still no good at this stuff.
Now I know there are a lot of Monty Python jokes flying around, bit really the Britsh have a lot of other funny things. I mean they have sone hilarious shows like Faulty Tow…oh, wait, right.
Monty Python, Benny Hill.
Barber [Michael Palin]: I’m a lumberjack and I’m OK,
I sleep all night and I work all day.
I cut down trees, I skip and jump,
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women’s clothing,
And hang around in bars.
Monty Python’s Flying Circus
Barber: I’m a lumberjack and I’m OK
I sleep all night and I work all day.
Mounties: He’s a lumberjack and he’s OK
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
Barber: I cut down trees, I eat my lunch
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesday I go shopping
And have buttered scones for tea.
Mounties: He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch.
He goes to the lavatory.
On Wednesday he goes shopping
And has buttered scones for tea.
He’s a lumberjack and he’s OK
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
Barber: I cut down trees, I skip and jump.
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women’s clothing
And hang around in bars.
Mounties: He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women’s clothing
And hangs around in bars?!
He’s a lumberjack and he’s okay
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
Barber: I cut down trees, I wear high heels,
Suspenders and a bra.
I wish I’d been a girlie
Just like my dear Papa!!
Mounties: He cuts down trees, I wear high heels,
Suspenders…and a bra?!
Barber: I wish I’d been a girlie,
Just like my dear Papa!!
The arch-bishop has a cunning plan (Black Adder). Just like the Botoxlosie health care plan.
It’s SO cunning you could brush your teeth with it.
I suspect that the Archbishop rides a horse rather less well than another horse would.
Sorry not to do a Monty Python gag, but given that the CofE holds over 109,000 acres of lands, the 370 acres for the proposed development represents around 0.3% of lands for development.
Don’t get me wrong, the CofE, and Rowan Willams in particular have a lot to be accused of, but as one the the things that the Cof E are (rightly in my opinion) campaigning for is more affordable housing in the South East, this seems more like a fairly simple transaction with the nimbys kicking in.
Ni!
Okay. All very good posts, but I do not want this guy to be the weekend face of Deceiver…someone give a tip PLEASE!!
Okay, since this seems to be the post for the weekend…did anyone notice the caterpillars walking on the mans face? Just above his eyes? Looks like the one on my right is about to make a cocoon. I didn’t realize it was illegal to remove facial bugs in England.
When I lived in London, it seemed to be a national policy that the older you got, the longer the eybrows and ear hair are allowed to be.
Forget the rant on global warming, I mean climate change, we need to get the male eye and ear hair under control.
You’d think he’d do something about it, if only to make it easier to get through doorways and to avoid bringing down low-flying aircraft.
If I ever become King of England {and I’m available), I am going to have the Royal Executioners crucify the Archbishop. It’s the Christian thing to do.
For some reason (maybe his eyebrows), but the Archbishop of Canterbury always reminded me of a devil, is it just me?
I am with you Canuck. He looks evil.
He looks kinda church of satan…
Huh.
Looking at the photo there, I can’t help but wonder if Scaramouche is about to do the fandango.