Looking for the perfect Secret Santa or White Elephant gag gift? You’ve found it: How to Be Famous: Our Guide to Looking the Part, Playing the Press and Becoming a Tabloid Fixture, by Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt.
While I would never, ever read this pap, MSNBC thankfully did the dirty work for the purposes of a review:
[I]f you stopped at the book’s title, you wouldn’t make it to other insipid chapters, like the one titled “Pretty on the Outside,” which reminds the audience that fitness is important because “celebrities are there to look hot for the common people. It’s our job.”
“Pretty On The Outside” is not followed by a chapter called “Pretty On The Inside,” but rather “The Paps Are Your Friends.” If you happen to think the camera-wielding locusts who cause accidents and invade privacy are actually not your friends, Speidi has a message for you: “We find these people embarrassments to the industry.”
Pot, there’s a kettle I’d like you to meet.
I don’t think I need to justify the Deceiver-worthiness of this post, but y’all are an exacting audience. So please, read up in our archives on these twatzillas.
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I won’t even comment about Twit and Twat. What I found funny was the one, single comment about this book on the Amazon website. It’s titled “This book is so pathetic.”
In fact, its so pathetic that Amazon had to reduce its price by 50%.
Please reinstate the ban on Twit and Twat.
Common people? These people are as common as the sorority and frat couples I see on campus everyday. The people who that everyone is in awe of who they are and the fact they’re in Psi Pi Whatever and Tau Who Caresa when in reality, “common” (read: sane) people are calling them…you guessed it. “Twit and Twat.”
“Twatzillas”. Even better than “Speidi”.
Meg:
Common people was referring to the common people, not to themselves. They themselves have to look hot so us common people have pictures of people to fawn over. Although I’m not sure why they’re even famous. I know plenty of uber douches that aren’t famous, why are these two?
‘twatzillas’ and the ‘paps are your friends’ . I know there is some joke in there but I am just not clever enough to come up with one. This book would make a dandy prize in next years Deceiver of the year contest.
I found it rather humerous to find out that they dressed up as Jon and Kate for Halloween. Two peas in a pod that Speidi and Gosselin crew
Becoming a ‘tabloid fixture’ is my idea of a little bit of hell. And someone WANTS this? Enough to pay for a set of instructions, even?
Years ago, I illustrated a piece for the Nat’l Lampoon called ‘How to Become Famous’. The point of said parody was that there are a number of more or less guaranteed ways to get yourself some headlines, but they are all pretty self-destructive. Come to think of it, many Deceiver articles cover someone employing one of these methods or another, such as Becoming a Drug Addict, Acting Out in Public, or Assaulting a Prominent Public Official.
If you hate yourself enough, you can make a lot of people notice you. Why anyone thinks this is a good long-term plan, though, is beyond me.
Paps are your friends indeed. They might save you from cervical cancer if you perform them at least every year.
It’s bad when the title of your “book” looks like a fake from an SNL or late night talk show gag.
How hated do you have to be to be assigned to review this piece of crap? Poor, poor souls. I’m not sure anyone deserves that. The real question is if this would be more or less helpful in the war on terror. On the one hand, it could inspire any terrorists who are exposed to it to off themsselves. On the other, it may convince the fencesitters that the Western world SHOULD be wiped out.
Can we export Speidi to some caves in Afghanistan? At least one enemy will be gone within a few days…
I woke up after sleeping a couple of hours this evening, and couldn’t go back to sleep, and turned on the TV. That was over an hour ago — I’m still wide awake. I never watch Jimmy Kimmel, ’cause I’m usually sleeping. He was talking about what to do with carved pumpkins after Halloween, and he said you don’t know what to do with them, “they’re like the Heidi and Spencer of fruit.” BTW, one of his guests tonight is our beloved lady friend, Pammy. I switched to CSI: NY.
who would actually buy this crap? i feel like an a-hole when i scan stuff about them on the internet. and LOL @ ““celebrities are there to look hot for the common people. It’s our job.” ummm number 1 – you are NOT a celebrity. you are a no talent idiot and 2 – you are NOT hot. that’s all!
chrocs, that requires just a little too much medical knowledge for these two. I mean, she thinks she has a hundred orgasms every day. They probably think babies spring fully formed from a cabbage patch.
Y’all, nobody’s taking me seriously here, but for real: Organ. Donors. It’s easy to look back at classic movies like “Coma” and think, “Eh, sci-fi/horror, never happen”, but the thing is, it could actually have an UP side. If an approach like that could siphon off human placeholders like Speidi, Piven, Pelosi, and Pammy, what’s not to love about it?
I like your way of thinking Beige but seriously do you want anything that could be siphoned off of the above mentioned wastes of space?
Eh, that’s why those things are confidential. They ARE confidential, right? Or anonymous? Don’t the organs in question have those black rectangle things on ‘em?
BEige, what organs would they have that anyone would want? Pam and Piven has destroyed theirs and Pelosi pumps crap into her body. Not to mention the cooties that Speidi has. I think the best thing is just donate their body to science so that researchers can use them to find the cure for other peoples ailments.
“celebrities are there to look hot for the common people. It’s our job.”
Then, what do the asexuals get out of it?
I hear Gunther von Hagens is always hiring…
If Spencer is both a douche and a tool, would that make him a douchool, or a toouche?