Why does Brad Pitt want all the polar bears to go glub-glub?

Quick reminder. Way back in 2001, Pitt said this:

“Why don’t we set ourselves free? We have the technology for electric cars, and we have other power sources. Yes, it would be expensive to make the switch over, but we could, and we would have complete autonomy from our need for oil. We would not have to rape Alaska, and we wouldn’t have to be dependent on those guys over there. In the long term, if we could free ourselves from the dependency on oil, we’d be alright.”

Since then, he’s reduced his dependency on oil by investing in a fleet of motorcycles. Take that, Alaska!

He crashed one of his bikes last week, and as People reports:

“I had a little mishap,” he said at an Inglourious Basterds event in Tokyo on Wednesday. “No injuries, except my ego. [And the planet! -- ed.] I was trying to get away from some paparazzi and instead gave them a good story…

But he counted it as a lucky thing that he happened to be in one of the best-known motorcycle-building nations of the world.

“I will definitely be looking at motorcycles,” he said. “You’ve got some of the best builders right here.”

Die, Earth, die! Godzilla only destroyed Tokyo. Now Bradzilla wants the Japanese to help him destroy the whole planet?

In other insanely wealthy ecocrite news: Al Gore could become world’s first carbon billionaire. But he’s not in it for the money. In fact, he hates money. Yuck, ptui! He hates it so much that he keeps trying to get rid of it. Why else would he blow it on mansions and limousines and private jets and great big piles of rich, fancy food?

By the way, if you don’t ride your hemp-fiber bicycle from the tent you live in to the recycling center, you are history’s greatest murderer. Now stop looking at the evidence and asking questions, you science-denier.