Thanks to Deceiver reader Matt for the title. You’re right, Matt–sometimes these things write themselves.
Johnson & Johnson heiress (and alleged frequent abuser of the family pharmaceuticals) Casey Johnson has been found dead in her Hollywood home. The “out” lesbian socialite was reportedly engaged to … wait for it … Tila Tequila.
This is going to be wild.
Samantha Ronson tweeted it best today: “Am so sick of those 3 letters, so tired of losing friends to something as senseless as a drug overdose. WAKE UP people. Drugs will kill you.”
And then Lindsay Lohan retweeted it. Hello? Drug overdose? News flash for LiLo: That message was directed at you. Just you. It’s like David Letterman writing a memo telling other talk show hosts not to strip search their interns.
But the real hypocrite in this story has got to be Tila Tequila. Let’s go to the tweets, which started last night around dinnertime in L.A.:
Everyone please pray 4 my Wifey Casey Johnson. She has passed away. Thank u for all ur love and support but I will be offline to be w family
This is a very heartbreaking time for me. I just want some pricacy as I deal with the loss of my Fiance Casey Johnson. I’m heart is shredded
Sounds good. She needs space. This is not the time for mindless famewhoring, even if you’re too drunk to spell “privacy.”
Oh, who are we kidding. Tila Tequila couldn’t stay “offline” if her life depended on it. More tweets, less than an hour later:
I just got news that my fiance is not dead but currently in a coma!!! Omg please pray that she will make it! Hang in there my love please!!
I know u can feel me Casey! Dot let go! I’m almost home baby please hang on! We have a beautiful life planned out for us! I LOVE u! Hang on!
‘Cause, you know, comatose patients read Twitter feeds on their Blackberry phones in between the paramedics’ chest compressions. Or something. (Actually, it appears now that Casey had been dead for several days when they found her. So I’m pretty sure she wasn’t reading that.)
The Tequila train-wreck of the week goes on from there. I never thought I’d say this, but Perez Hilton is the sane voice of reason in this little morality play, complaining that Tila is “blabbing to the media.” You go girl.
And was the whole “fiancee” and “wifey” thing a sham to begin with? Courtenay Semel, who has dated both Casey and Tila, sure thinks so. Last month she told E! the 17-carat ring was a fake, and so was the engagement:
They don’t even speak. Casey can’t stand Tila. They’ve only spoken once, and they’re doing this as a publicity stunt to get back at me. Casey can’t even fill up her gas tank. She doesn’t have a penny to her name. Her parents have cut her off completely. I have texts from her saying she’s broke and can’t even afford to meet me for dinner.
For the record, I won’t comment about Casey Johnson’s trip to Kazakhstan to shop for a toddler, or about her legal troubles, involving a break-in of another ex-girlfriend’s home during which she allegedly stole some undies, used a sex toy, and left it on the victim’s bed. Nope. I won’t go there. Wouldn’t be classy.
But we will keep writing about Tila. Because you just know she’ll bury another fiancee or two before her 15 minutes are up.
Ding! There’s the timer. Gosh, that was a long quarter-hour.
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For the next week or two Tila will be on every “news” show on E!, on every celebrity blog all over the internet, Bravo, etc. I’ll bet you $1 she somehow winds up on Oprah. Wanna bet? Oh wait somebody died? It’s the best thing that could’ve to happen to Tila, and the world loses one more psychologically foul, drunken, trust fund baby. I hope I can survive this tragedy.
What Pasta said. Tila is a publicity whore.
To be honest I have never heard of Casey Johnson until this article, but think its sad that another young person has died from drugs. I think the real tragedy here is that it appears that those that could take this as a wake up call don’t seem to realize that as drug addicts this is a potential fate they can suffer, but I guess its the old “I don’t have a problem, I can quit anytime.” As someone who has seen it up close, drug addiction is such a waste of human life and potential, I hope that even tho this is a comedy site that we can all remember that someone died, lets keep it clean and above the belt.
Isn’t Tila gestating her brother’s baby? If so, all those Tweets about partying on NYE, not sleeping and falling into a table are disgusting.
I didn’t expect that even Tila would sink as low as the coma tweets. God, that bitch is disgusting.
I never heard of Casey until today. Pretty sad that she was dead for several days before anyone noticed. Where was her loving fiance then? Especially if the reports were right and Tila had her dogs. Seems like maybe Casey planned this exit. I feel for her family as they suffered a loss and could do nothing to stop it. They cut her off of their money due to her drug use and were raising her daughter.
I don’t feel anything for the Twit Tila whom all I know about is her reality tv crap. She is a lesbian version of Spencer.
At 11:00 of the video she states she’s marrying her boyfriend and the smallest house they’ll buy is six bedrooms.
(Minimum $1.2M in Los Angeles)
And the saddest, at 14:00
“I had a psychic…tell me this was going to be my year.”
Wow. Just wow.
can someone please tell me who tila is and what the hell shes famous for? seriously i have never heard of either of these people.
I’m sorry everyone. In a story where Perez Hilton is the sane voice of reason, I just can’t take it. I’m going away to be with my family now, please respect my privacy.
Seriously, I’m going away to deal with my grief, please respect my privacy, why are you still bothering me?
For the love of god, give me my privacy!!!
i agree that the world is obviously messed up when paris hilton is the voice of reason.
If my alternatives were spending the rest of my life–or, failing that, TEN MINUTES–with Tila Tequila, or guzzling five pounds of pharmaceuticals with an antifreeze chaser, I’d probably hit Walgreen’s and then AutoZone at a dead run. No pun intended.
The late Miss Johnson sounded like a real piece of work. All it got her was a lonely death with no one around to care enough to check in on her. Pathetic.
As for Tila, she’s already booked her flight to Hell.
I am wondering how long it will be before Tila files a claim on any and all of Caseys inheritance by claiming they were married.
Oooh! I hadn’t thought of that.
Damn, people will probably tweet at the end of the world. And this Tila thing looks like she should be jumping out from under bridges or something. Strange little gnome looking thing.
She sounded crazy in her tweets. No, wait. More like delusional. No matter what was (or wasn’t) between them, the tweets were pretty disrespectful.
haven’t heard of this casey chick but tila is such a no talent loser. what does she do again? other than take her clothes off? i’m sick of her and lord knows she’ll be sticking around for a while because of this mess.. ugh.
I read that Casey was actually flat out broke. The marriage thing was a sham just to get more publicity for both of them. Tila won’t be getting any inheritance because Casey’s family had cut her off almost completely.
As was stated in the story, I’m a moron who gets all the blogs I read mixed up. Oh well, back to “work”.
@The Irish, I understood that, but do you think that would stop the greedy little troll that Tila is? She has made a living going for the big bucks and that possible inheritance is like a ham sandwich to a starving man.
Hey, according to her Twitter, she has her business stuff “on lock,” and we should all know that.
…shut up and have a few more bottles, you annoying, talentless, opportunistic skank who can’t even decide if she’s bi or not. Didn’t she say before that she was straight?
I just want some privacy. Stop watching my Twitter, Facebook, mySpace, my skanky ass…just stop, mmkay?
Well, it looks like she’s bounced back pretty quickly.
http://twitter.com/officialTila
It only took her a week to mourn and get over her “wife”. C’mon guys, it’s nice to smile a week after your wife dies.
Tila, can you *finally* just go ahead and do porn, so I can fap to your skanky, talent-lite, train-wreck-of-an-ass? At least you’ll contribute some genuine happiness to the world.
You guys are all fucking stupid im sorry, Just because Tila made and continues to make mistakes doesnt mean shit, shes trying to find love just like Casey two troubled people, Idont give a fuck what any of you say not even the website, you can have a million of your “Soruces” but hm has it occurd to you that there saying shit to get their 15 minutes? They are trying to get the lime light,, noone knows what happend , only casey does, but hm shes dead so i guess now you can Guess what happend, listen to other “Sources” and shit because im pretty sure on EVERY website has a different story as to what happend, and you can take your sources and stick them up your asses.