Warning: If the mere sight of Dr. P already makes you want to vomit in your boots, I recommend not reading any further. No, really. This is disgusting stuff. Also disgustingly hilarious.
But seriously, fair warning.
Over the past several months (hell, days) Dr. Rajendra K. Pachauri has been working hard to secure his status as a bona fide international laughingstock by warning us about the not so rapidly melting Himalayan glaciers, using Climbing magazine and a student’s dissertation as “peer reviewed” sources for IPCC reports, and — Oh! — telling the Financial Times just yesterday that climate change skeptics:
are people who deny the link between smoking and cancer; they are people who say that asbestos is as good as talcum powder — I hope that they apply it (asbestos) to their faces every day.
Isn’t that sweet?
So in a brave move to salvage what’s left of his tarred and feathered, Mel Gibson-esque reputation, Pachauri thought it would be an awesome idea to release … wait for it … a smutty bodice-ripper novel. Based, oh-so-transparently, on his own life.
The Telegraph reports:
In breathless prose that risks making Dr Pachauri, who will be 70 this year, a laughing stock among the serious, high-minded scientists and world leaders with whom he mixes, [Ed. -- Too late!] he details sexual encounter after sexual encounter . . .
“Sanjay saw a shapely dark-skinned girl lying on Vinay’s bed. He was overcome by a lust that he had never known before . . . He removed his clothes and began to feel Sajni’s body, caressing her voluptuous breasts.”
And just in case your head wasn’t already awash in horribly disturbing images, here’s another bit I’m sure you wouldn’t want to miss out on, courtesy of a review in The Times of India:
Pachauri is engagingly candid about his protagonist’s urges; Sanjay is always noticing breasts and masturbating (once into a red silk hanky purloined from a train co-passenger).
Um. Ewww. That’s probably not carbon-neutral.
In all seriousness (okay, yeah, it’s really hard to type that with a straight face), isn’t one of the easiest ways for politicians to get around campaign finance laws the old trick of writing a book and then asking supporters to buy it? Sometimes in bulk?
So — couldn’t Pachauri’s farcical foray into the realm of “literature” be the very same sort of back-door tactic he’s been so critical of when it comes to climate change policy?
Here’s what Pachauri had to say about it during that “asbestos” interview with the Financial Times:
FT: In the past, you have talked about big business interests that you believe are trying to create confusion over the issue of climate change.
RP: It’s only a surmise. I have no evidence. But there is enough documentary evidence to show that, for instance, in Washington DC, the number of lobbyists (trying to influence US climate change policy) has increased many fold and from what I read from the Centre for Public Integrity, 770 companies are supporting some of these lobbyists. And certainly some of them are active on the other side of the Atlantic as well.
The presumption is since these people are spending so much time trying to write all kinds of malicious articles and indulge in invective, there would probably be some resources that are flowing to them. It’s all part of a pattern. But let me clarify. I have no proof. I can only presume something like this is at work.
Hmmm. Well, I “have no proof” either, but seeing as how that’s not even a requirement for scientists anymore, I don’t really see why I should have to give any. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
At least all of this sheds some light on why Pachauri was always “irrationally” flying off someplace just for the day to “play cricket.”
What? Isn’t that what the kids are calling it these days?
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I won’ be able to get up from my desk for a few minutes. My uh foot’s asleep.
@Stan
no kidding, funniest comment ever to this forum. christ.
“they are people who say that asbestos is as good as talcum powder”
Who says that? When did this interview take place? 1964?
Even his home country of India has completely denounced his work.
They’ve now set up their own independent glacier (Bear Grylls says it ‘glassier’ group to get unbiased information.
I guess “playing cricket” is the Indian/British version of “hiking the Appalachian Trail”.
All together now:eeeeeewwwwwwww. And now we’re stuck with this as the top post for the weekend.
Looks like someone ELSE is trying to hide the decline. AW-yeeah.
What’s not sexy about a man that looks like Nell Carter’s vajayjay?
“Return to Almora”. That’s what this fine literary work is called. I didn’t see you mention the name of this masterpiece anywhere so I’m just trying to help out here, you know, in case anyone wants to obtain a copy. You’d better hurry, get it while you still can, an oeuvre like that will be flying off the shelves…especailly, with the Val. day coming up and whatnot. The only way it can get better is if he decides to make this book the first one in the series – “The Amazing Adventures of Sanjay, Red Hanky and Asbestos Face Powder”.
Yeah. It’s the first thing I thought of too.
http://pzrservices.typepad.com/vintageadvertising/images/2008/11/06/shrunken_head.jpg
Hurricane – coffee all over the monitor – thanks for the laugh! Nell Carters vajayjay indeed.
Hurricane, that just about choked me to death.
Brilliant. Now I get two horrifying mental pictures all weekend, for the price of one.
@AllyKat – shall we start a round of “If You Know What I Mean”?
Well, I’m going to go make my girlfriend’s climate change, if you know what I mean…
Soooooooo, let me get this straight……another “environmentalist/eco-Nazis” writes a book. A book that’s printed on paper. Paper that’s made from trees. Trees that have to be cut down in order for the book to be made so as to stroke the author’s vanity with a red hanky.
Maybe I’m just confused about the whole saving Nature thing but why don’t these losers offer the books/soft porn only as downloads. Are we not living in the 21st century? Oh wait, even in the 21st century they still have to make money. Money that’s made of natural products. Natural products that probably should be protected by “environmentalists/eco-Nazis”……
Well crap. I keep going in circles, don’t I? Yep, maybe I’m confused.
@Pastafarian, LMAO hahahaha i dont know why but that literally made me Laugh out loud. good show
Ya know, many MANY years ago, when I applied for my first part-time job back in high school, I was told that if I cut my hair and shave I might be considered.
And now this Neanderthal is a leader of the environmentalist movement making waaaaaaaaay more than minimum wage.
WTF? I guess image isn’t everything.
This guy is a total joke, although, with all his (conflicts of) interest he should stick with writing stupid books. (But I am Australian, so that probably is racist)
Okay. You know how there are many, MANY people, famous and otherwise, whom you just don’t want to think about that way, ever, even if their sex lives made the difference between the end of the species and the continuation of life as we know it? Pachauri just moved to #3 on my list. Behind Pelosi and Speidi.
My Speidi Sense, however, tells me he’s not gonna be satisfied with anything but #1.
Ugh! That description above is just creepy. Put a warning!!! (joke) O.o
I must admit, Pachauri’s prose is much better than I expected.
I figured it’d be something along the lines of:
Rashneesh espied Punjallai across the room and his loins enflamed, thus rising the median daytime temperature of the upper Rajasthan arid zone +/- .03 degrees centigrade for the calendar year…
It still undresses only rarely completely. Thank you for that, O Lord Almighty.
From the land that gave you “Kama Sutra.”
Ah! This is Dr. P’s confessional… He is just getting it off his chest… about all the times he was having it off.
Think the book is bad? Wait until they turn it into a movie. Complete with heaving breasts and plenty of red silk to go around.
Wait. They did that already: http://www.fuckforforest.com/