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25
Sep

PETA Is a Bunch of Boobs

From the NYT Diner’s Journal:

More news from the breast milk beat: PETA is urging the makers of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream to replace cow’s milk with human breast milk, to lessen the suffering of dairy cows and their babies on factory farms and benefit human health at the same time.

That’s right: Exploiting cows bad, exploiting humans good.

It could be a great marketing opportunity for Ben & Jerry’s, though. Especially if they could get some celebrities to lend their names:

  • Angelina Jelly
  • Jennifer Love Chewit
  • Winona Ryder Ripple
  • S’mores & Sarandon
  • Dolly Parfait
  • Laura San Giacomo Crunch
  • Scarlett Fudgehansson
  • Flava Mendes
  • Jessica Albutter Pecan

Okay, now you try.

Update: Almond Hayek, Caramel Gugino, and Heath-Bar Graham. And from the comments: Marzipan Anderson, Halle Strawberry, and of course, Banana Nicole Smith.

23
Sep

Ben Lee Has Groupies, Groupers

According to the Adelaide Sunday Mail:

Animal rights organisation PETA voted him one of the world’s sexiest vegetarians earlier this year, but Aussie singer/songwriter Ben Lee says a re-count may be in order.

“I’m not sure I’m technically a vegetarian,” he said in an interview with the Sunday Mail.

“I mean, I was totally vegetarian for 10 years and I don’t eat red meat and I try to limit my consumption of animal products, but I don’t know if I technically qualify. I eat fish.”

Uh-oh. Now, you wouldn’t think fish would be on PETA’s spit-list. They’re just, y’know, fish. How can you not like fish? Heck, even PETA fave and dolphin-defending whale-wailer-over Hayden Panettiere eats sushi!

But no, PETA’s totally against it. They’ve even set up FishingHurts.com to tell you why you should drop that Filet-O-Fish, you murderer:

Many people have never stopped to think about it, but fish are smart, interesting animals with their own unique personalities — just like the dogs and cats we share our homes with. Did you know that fish can learn to avoid nets by watching other fish in their group and that they can recognize individual “shoal mates”? Some fish gather information by eavesdropping on others, and some — such as a type of South African fish that lays eggs on leaves so that they can be carried to a safe place — even use tools.

If fish are such geniuses, why can’t they figure out that a fat juicy worm isn’t worth the trouble if you have to eat it off a really sharp hook? And are they really as awesome as a dog or a cat? Have you ever had a fish snuggled up in your lap while you watch TV? (I have, but it was for my unaired Comedy Central pilot.) Well, if these Einsteins of the deep are so great with tools, they’d better come up with some sort of defense against my knife and fork.

Ben? Hayden? Comment?

19
Sep

Elizabeth Edwards Feeds the Monster Whether She Likes It or Not

Longtime readers know I’ve been following the John Edwards/Rielle Hunter story closely, since way back when the “news” was refusing to talk about it for weeks on end. And you know I’ve tended to stay away from Elizabeth Edwards in this whole thing. Just a gut feeling. But the things she’s saying now…

When asked if she forgave her husband, Edwards said, “I don’t want to feed the monster, if you don’t mind.”

So that’s a no. If she forgave him, all she’d have to say would be “Yes.” She’d back up his claim on Aug. 8:

“With my family, I took responsibility for my actions in 2006 and today I take full responsibility publicly.”

Mm-hm.

19
Sep

Heigl Gives Up the Butt

You’ve come to count on Deceiver to keep you on top of the #1 issue on everyone’s minds today: Katherine Heigl’s smoking habit!

Last month we told you about Heigl getting scolded by a Santa Monica cop for throwing her cigarette butt on the sidewalk. And now, according to E! Online, that grueling ordeal has led to some serious soul-searching:

Is Katherine Heigl’s nic fit finally over?

The Grey’s star who’s seldom seen in public without a cigarette between her lips is quitting smoking, at least according to costar T.R. Knight.

A former smoker himself, T.R. told In Touch he’s supporting her efforts without nagging his pal about it. “You have to be ready and find it in yourself.”

That’s right, folks: Heigl’s ready, and she finds things in herself.

Good luck quitting, Kathy. Practice makes perfect!

18
Sep

Brad Pitt Likes (Approved) Gays

Variety reports — or, to use Varietyspeak, “Vari reps”:

Brad Pitt has donated $100,000 to fight California’s November ballot initiative that would overturn the state Supreme Court decision legalizing same-sex marriage…

“Because no one has the right to deny another their life, even though they disagree with it, because everyone has the right to live the life they so desire if it doesn’t harm another and because discrimination has no place in America, my vote will be for equality and against Proposition 8,” Pitt said Wednesday.

Let’s hear it for our Homosexual-American brothers and brothers and sisters and sisters! Such is Pitt’s dedication to the idea of gay marriage that he and Angelina have vowed not to marry until everybody else can. (They’re not married, right? Or are they? It’s tough to keep up.)

But hold on a sec. What’s this?

YouTube Preview Image

That’s from some sort of tribute to Julia Roberts last year. Because obviously she hasn’t received enough accolades for movies like Runaway Bride, I Love Trouble, and Mary Riley.

Now, we here at Deceiver are hardly fans of Larry Craig. His public, um, stance on homosexuality is obviously at odds with his private, er, stance. But it hardly seems sporting to mock the guy for struggling with his deepest urges, when you’re throwing so much weight into, um, backing up gays everywhere. How about trying to understand what he’s going through and, in a manner of speaking, seduce him to seeing your side of things? If Larry Craig would pay attention to anybody, it’d have to be Brad Pitt. (A check for one hundred grand probably couldn’t hurt either.) Or are gay people worthy of respect only when they do exactly what you want them to do?

Still, that was pretty funny. Brad really can act when he puts his mind to it. Save something for your movies, Brad!

(Hat tip: Anonymiss)

17
Sep

McCain Reaches Across Aisle to Deliver B****slap

TMZ is reporting:

John McCain has weighed in over Barack Obama’s reported slap in the face to Lindsay Lohan. The Chicago Sun-Times quotes an unnamed high-level Barack source who says they rejected Lohan’s offer to host an event because she “is not exactly the kind of high-profile star who would be a positive for us.”

Tucker Bounds, a spokesman for the McCain campaign tells TMZ, “So let me get this straight — they turned away Lindsay Lohan, but Barack Obama has friends like unrepentant terrorist Bill Ayers and convicted felon Tony Rezko? Maybe LiLo is just too upstanding for Barack Obama.”

I don’t know much about what’s wrong with the economy right now, but I do know that it doesn’t have a lot to do with Obama’s opinion of Lindsay Lohan. Think maybe you could get back to talking about the issues, Maverick?

On the other hand, it’s nice to see Lohan butting into yet another matter that she knows absolutely nothing about. Why shouldn’t she give politics a try, after failing at acting, music, fashion, romance, substance abuse counseling, being a human…

Hey, I wonder what Scarlett Johansson thinks about all this?

Update: The Lohan campaign responds.

16
Sep

McCain: Mac Moron or Microprocessor Maven?

Detente is over! We did it: one whole week without mentioning all that dumb political stuff. And now, back to boring you with tedious details about the people who want to run our country. Not to mention the politicians they hate.

Hey, you know how John McCain is a clueless old fart who doesn’t know Steve Jobs from Steve Austin? Jacob Weisberg at Slate.com sure does. On Aug. 23, he said:

McCain represents a Cold War style of nationalism that doesn’t get the shift from geopolitics to geoeconomics, the centrality of soft power in a multipolar world, or the transformative nature of digital technology. This is a matter of attitude as much as age. A lot of 71-year-olds are still learning and evolving. But in 2008, being flummoxed by that newfangled doodad, the personal computer, seems like a deal-breaker.

What a throwback that McCain is, huh? “Kids these days, with their dungarees and their social networking!” Which totally backs up what Weisberg himself said at Slate on Feb. 11, 2000:

In the first “Net Election” column back in September, I made the prediction that the Internet probably would not have a decisive impact on the 2000 presidential race. The best shot at proving me wrong now belongs to John McCain. If McCain survives South Carolina and goes on to defeat George W. Bush for the Republican nomination — still a very big if — the Internet may eventually be judged not just a contributing factor, but an essential, enabling condition of his victory.

Six months ago, no one would have pegged McCain as the most cybersavvy of this year’s crop of candidates. At 63, he is the oldest of the bunch and because of his war injuries, he is limited in his ability to wield a keyboard. But McCain’s job as chairman of the Senate commerce committee forced him to learn about the Internet early on, and young Web entrepreneurs such as Jerry Yang and Jeff Bezos fascinate him.

What a fuddy-duddy. Nice try, old man!

And remember Rielle Hunter? Seems like ages. Well, here are a few tidbits on that story that have fallen through the cracks here at Deceiver:

  • John & Rielle literally saw each other across a crowded room. And when they met:

    Face to face, their connection was instant. They spoke briefly, and could have left it at that. But they didn’t.

    Good point. More on this timeless love story at the LA Times. That’s right, I said the LA Times!

  • The WSJ Law Blog reports on givethemoneyback.com, which is saying that everybody who’s received money from Fred Baron should… take a guess.
  • Gob Bluth lookalike Andrew Young, who at last report had not withdrawn his claim to be the father of Rielle’s baby, is building a nice new house at the end of a private drive in North Carolina. Presumably he and his wife Cheri can afford it! Maybe he saved up all the money he hasn’t been paying Rielle for child support. Allegedly.

And I suppose now I’m obliged to cover the latest Palin scandal. Tell you what: Why don’t you pick whichever earthshattering contretemps they’re talking about at the time you’re reading this, assuming it hasn’t been debunked already, and discuss it amongst yourselves. I can’t keep them all straight. (Today it’s something about a tanning bed, right? That’s what took down Nixon, ya know.)

09
Sep

A Sincere Request Regarding Discussions of Sarah Palin

Well, apparently Deceiver is run by neocon hypocrites because we’re afraid to reveal the truth about Sarah Palin’s plan to throw Eskimos onto piles of burning books, bought with the money she stole from the Bridge to Nowhere and orphanages for the disabled, with help from her inbred family and secessionist, anti-Semitic friends. I’m sure I left something out there. Since August 29 there have been so many uninformed accusations and outright lies leveled at her, I’m reluctant to believe anything else people say about her until everybody calms down. This is crying wolf to the Nth degree.

We may or may not discuss further developments in this story, and we’re under no obligation one way or the other. Unlike the Rielle Hunter story, Deceiver is hardly the only place talking about this. As I have to keep repeating, apparently, the main reason I dug into that story so hard was because I wanted to know more, but the news completely ignored it for weeks on end. Whereas with the Palin story, you can’t avoid hearing about it, and it’s been that way from the start. They are fundamentally different stories, and if you still don’t understand why I reject the comparison, I don’t know what to tell you.

How about this: In both cases I want to know the truth. With Hunter, that was tough because there was no information. With Palin, it’s tough because there’s too much disinformation.

But if you simply must discuss the latest Palin smear in the comments, adding to the search-engine numbers for things like “You-Know-Who was a community organizer,” first please go to Factcheck.org’s list of Palin rumors and misleading claims. From what little I know of Factcheck, it’s a non-partisan site that’s respected on both the left and right. Here’s their summary so far:

  • Palin did not cut funding for special needs education in Alaska by 62 percent. She didn’t cut it at all. In fact, she tripled per-pupil funding over just three years.
  • She did not demand that books be banned from the Wasilla library. Some of the books on a widely circulated list were not even in print at the time. The librarian has said Palin asked a “What if?” question, but the librarian continued in her job through most of Palin’s first term.
  • She was never a member of the Alaskan Independence Party, a group that wants Alaskans to vote on whether they wish to secede from the United States. She’s been registered as a Republican since May 1982.
  • Palin never endorsed or supported Pat Buchanan for president. She once wore a Buchanan button as a “courtesty” when he visited Wasilla, but shortly afterward she was appointed to co-chair of the campaign of Steve Forbes in the state.
  • Palin has not pushed for teaching creationism in Alaska’s schools. She has said that students should be allowed to “debate both sides” of the evolution question, but she also said creationism “doesn’t have to be part of the curriculum.”

They then explain in detail how they came to these conclusions, and they’re promising to add more information as they continue to research the unprecedented explosion of rumors over the past week and a half. So I encourage you to consult Factcheck before you go around spreading this stuff. If that’s somehow an unreasonable request, I’m sure I’ll hear about it.

And if that doesn’t quench your thirst for justice, Factcheck also has a page of stuff Palin messed up during her acceptance speech. They also “fact check” something that I thought was clearly a joke by Mike Huckabee. But then, it’s not called HumorAppreciate.org.

Okay? Okay.

Update: If you need a brand name before you’ll believe it, Newsweek is republishing Factcheck’s findings.

Update 2: Snopes has a Palin page. And she’s their #1 search result, which is heartening. That means a lot of people are trying to do the fact-checking that the n-e-w-s hasn’t.

05
Sep

John Edwards Publicly Admits He’s a Political Liability

Well, not in so many words. But he just dropped out of that speaking engagement at Hofstra University he’d planned for next week, and he’s not doing any other public appearances until after — can you guess? — November. And here’s the reason he’s giving:

“Nothing is more important than electing Barack Obama and Joe Biden,” Edwards said in a statement released Thursday by his booking agency, the Harry Walker Agency in Manhattan. “I don’t want my appearance at these events to be a distraction from the important issues of the election, or from the important purpose of these meetings.”

It’s only a half-truth, but for him that’s a 100% increase. (Or is it? I stink at math.) He could have said he’s going to “spend more time with his family,” but that would only invite the question: “Which one?”

Hey, wait a sec… I thought Edwards was a private citizen? I thought this scandal had absolutely nothing to do with Obama? But there it is in black and white gray and slightly lighter gray: Edwards just went out of his way to link himself to Obama. Otherwise, why would appearing in public be a distraction from Obama’s campaign?

Which only lends more credence to the theory that the entire news industry turned a blind eye to the Rielle Hunter story for so long because they were worried it might screw up the election.

John Edwards is dumb.

(Hat tip: Fortunate Son once again)

03
Sep

Another Big Difference Between the Edwards Story and the Palin Story

The McCain campaign is promising threatening legal action against the National Enquirer for their claim that Palin had an affair.

(Image courtesy of Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards)

Here’s the McCain statement:

“The smearing of the Palin family must end. The allegations contained on the cover of the National Enquirer insinuating that Gov. Palin had an extramarital affair are categorically false. It is a vicious lie,” said McCain senior adviser Steve Schmidt.

“The efforts of the media and tabloids to destroy this fine and accomplished public servant are a disgrace. The American people will reject it…”

“Sen. McCain and Gov. Palin look forward to discussing the issues that Americans care about, fixing broken government, creating jobs, making our country energy independent and securing the peace for the next generation by bringing the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan to a victorious end,” said Schmidt.

“Legal action will be considered with regard to this disgraceful smear.”

So that’s a bit of a brain-teaser. The Enquirer has newfound clout among the “legit” press because they were right about the Edwards story. But one of the ways you could tell they were right was that, in a story chock-full of trial lawyers, not one of them threatened to sue. (Well, except Lee Rohn, I think. Anybody know if anything became of that?)

Also, Edwards has never specifically denied any of the Enquirer stories. He said stuff like, “No comment, those rags are just full of trash.” And that was a day or two later, when somebody finally worked up the courage to mention it to him.

Whereas this is a forceful, specific, not to mention immediate denial. McCain isn’t putting Palin on an express private-jet flight to St. Croix. He’s vowing to fight. I’d say something like, “This could get interesting,” but is there any doubt?

Oh, and I think she’s giving a speech tonight? Let me double-check on that…

That’s my snap judgment, at least, without having read the Enquirer story yet. Now grab your torches and pitchforks, kids, and let’s hit the comments!

9/6 Update: You can read the entire text of the story here. In my opinion it does not rise to the level of well-sourced factual detail in their Edwards stories, but I’m sure somebody will have a problem with that. My theory: The Enquirer got cocky.




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