Pam Anderson, talking about her hepatitis C on Friday night’s “Larry King Live,” as widely reported on all sorts of celeb-u-tard news feeds this weekend:

“I’m doing really good. Actually, I just went to my doctor, Dr. Huizenga. He took all my blood work and went through all my tests. And I hadn’t really been to him in a year-and-a-half. And he said he’s never seen me healthier. That, he said, it’s a miracle. You know, I don’t really work out a lot. I walk and play sports with my kids. But he says, ‘You’re in the best shape I’ve ever seen you in. You’re 40 years old and your liver is in great shape, all your blood work came back really well, low cholesterol.’ … I’m treating it homeopathically.”

And here’s what she said about 30 seconds later, which nobody seems to have noticed. (scroll the video to 02:30):

“I’m here in Washington because Dan Mathews and I are actually lobbying and getting some attention to, against, um, animal experimentation. And they finally met with us today, which is a miracle. They’ve been trying to meet with — PETA’s been trying to meet with them forever. And so they saw us today.”

Um … earth to Pammy … even if you are treating yourself with herbs and tree bark (which I’m not buying), animal experimentation is how we cure things in the part of the world where Playboy, not National Geographic, takes the naked pictures. It’s only been 18 years since scientists identified the virus that causes your disease. And the best hope for a cure involves studying chimpanzees to try and figure out why some of them are immune, since they’re the only animals that get hepatitis.

The fact that you pal around with PETA while they throw up roadblocks to this research should put you in the Deceiver.com Hall of Fame, if we ever build one. I’m betting they tested boobie implants, hair dye, collagen injections, and botox on animals at some point, too.

(BTW, who’s this Dr. Huizenga? I can only find one in the Los Angeles phone book, and he’s the guy who testified in the O.J. Simpson murder trial. For the defense. I’m just saying …)

While I’m on the subject of Pam Anderson, I’m not getting sucked in by the rumor that she recently ate a meat hot dog (fill in your own joke here) at her son’s Little League game. I don’t care if it was a veggie dog. PETA be damned, she served the real thing at her own wedding reception. Which she now claims “never happened,” thanks to the technicality of an annulment.

Two more things make me wonder how many personalities this bizarro woman has. She goes on the warpath against wearing fur coats, but here’s what Robin Leach says about the world-renowned underwear retailer Trashy Lingerie (yes, that’s its real name):

“On any given day you may run into Madonna, picking up another one of her famous Bullet Corsets which Trashy specially designed for her. Or perhaps you might see Pamela Anderson Lee coming in for a fitting for another one of those super low V leather corsets like the one she wore in Barb Wire.”

I didn’t see the movie either. But WTF? It was real leather? Why didn’t PETA boycott this piece of cinematic guano?

And here’s my personal favorite: This month Pammy refused to film a scene for her new flick because there was supposed to be a dog in it:

The animal rights campaigner was upset when she discovered she would be starring alongside the canine in ‘Superhero Movie’, because the scene goes against PETA’s guidelines for using real animals in movies.

So much for Seabiscuit, Ben-Hur, The Wizard of Oz, Borat …

Borat? Yep. Pam Anderson was in that movie, too. She told Larry King on Friday that “It was my crowning achievement.” Remember that scene with the grizzly bear hanging out of the ice-cream truck window? With a chain around its neck?

PETA and Pam deserve each other.

Jenna I’d-rather-go-naked-than-wear-leather Jameson has fallen off the PETA wagon. Again.

Last week, we dug up a photo of the former professional cooch monkey celebrating a successful fishing trip with boyfriend Tito Ortiz. And now the professional paparazzi douches at TMZ have spotted her shucking and slurping live oysters at an outdoor Hollywood cafe.

if you actually want to see Jenna eating a mollusk, fast-forward to the last 20 seconds of the video. The rest consists of the pap making guttural grunts and dragging his knuckles.

Honestly, it’s hard to know who to root for here, because starlet-chasing videographers and used-up porn queens who shill for PETA are equally unsavory. But hey — now that it’s springtime in Los Angeles, maybe somebody can get us a photo of additional PETA nuts indulging in non-vegan behavior. In fact, we’ll pay a bounty for it.

Here’s what we can afford:

• Alec Baldwin devouring a cheeseburger: $50
• Holly Madison shopping for real fur: $75
• James Cromwell eating a pork chop: $100
• Alicia Silverstone with a milk moustache (not the Perez Hilton kind): $150
• Oprah Winfrey buying a dog from a pet store: $200
• Natalie Portman buying leather shoes: $250

Let the games begin!