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Archive for the 'Crazy People' Category

08
Feb

Meghan McCain. Boob Cop.

Remember this?  Because I sure do, even though I never really made it past the picture … so who knows what it says? But now Meghan McCain is complaining about… big fake boobs?

…lately I’ve noticed a more celebratory and mainstream acceptance of women who undergo augmentation surgery versus those of us whose breasts come from nature.

I guess she was upset with People magazine because they put Heidi Montag and her new magnificent breasts on their cover. Because, as she put it:

Growing up, I always thought of People magazine as the classiest of the tabloids.

Really? People?

And then Meghan got a little miffed by New York Times fashion critic Cathy Horyn, who wrote about Christina Hendricks — the chick in Mad Men (that hit TV drama that I can’t be bothered to watch):

As one stylist said, “You don’t put a big girl in a big dress. That’s rule number one.”

And then Meghan is all, “Would Christina Hendricks still be considered “big” if she had fake breasts instead of real ones?

Yes. I saw the pictures, and yeah she’s got some big boobs, but I hate to break this to Meghan: I think that was a nice way of saying you don’t stuff a size 15 into a size 10 dress. If you want my opinion, and you know you do, I think Meghan’s biggest problem is that you can now buy a gift from God. You don’t have to be born with it.

Continue reading ‘Meghan McCain. Boob Cop.’

08
Feb

Jessica Alba Horrified at Superfan’s Plastic Surgery Request

Jessica Alba’s biggest fan in the world is set to undergo (pro bono!) plastic surgery in China to make her look more like the starlet so she can win back her ex-boyfriend, who is similarly obsessed with Jessica Alba.

To her credit, Jessica was freaked by the news, offering this consolation:

“I think you should never have to change yourself like that,” actress Alba said. “If somebody loves you, they’ll love you no matter what.”

A noble sentiment, but a marked departure from Jessica Alba’s previous stand on plastic surgery. First off, here’s what she had to say about nipping and tucking in 2007:

“As an actress, you express emotion with your face and if you have plastic surgery, you lose that spark.”

I’m interrupting this quote to say that I’ve never before noticed that Jessica Alba acts with her face. Um, anyway:

“I’m not going to say never for sure, though,” she told Elle Magazine in a recent interview.

The Fantastic Four starlet says that she may have work done if she has excess wear on her tummy as a result of pregnancy.  “I don’t know if, for example, having babies will stretch my stomach beyond what is acceptable,” she said.

Because if you bear someone’s child, they won’t love you anymore unless you have an “acceptable” stomach? Sad.

And second, in my inexpert opinion, those are not her original boobs. They can’t be, right?

Postscript to Jessica Alba’s biggest fan: Heidi Montag tells People “I’m not in a great place right now” but also “I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life” following her buttload of plastic surgeries in November. Food for thought — sometimes this stuff turns you into a crazy person.

05
Feb

Pachauri Reveals the Softer, Smuttier Side of Climate Change

Warning: If the mere sight of Dr. P already makes you want to vomit in your boots, I recommend not reading any further. No, really. This is disgusting stuff. Also disgustingly hilarious.

But seriously, fair warning.

Over the past several months (hell, days) Dr. Rajendra K. Pachauri has been working hard to secure his status as a bona fide international laughingstock by warning us about the not so rapidly melting Himalayan glaciers, using Climbing magazine and a student’s dissertation as “peer reviewed” sources for IPCC reports, and — Oh! — telling the Financial Times just yesterday that climate change skeptics:

are people who deny the link between smoking and cancer; they are people who say that asbestos is as good as talcum powder — I hope that they apply it (asbestos) to their faces every day.

Isn’t that sweet?

So in a brave move to salvage what’s left of his tarred and feathered, Mel Gibson-esque reputation, Pachauri thought it would be an awesome idea to release … wait for it … a smutty bodice-ripper novel. Based, oh-so-transparently, on his own life.

The Telegraph reports:

In breathless prose that risks making Dr Pachauri, who will be 70 this year, a laughing stock among the serious, high-minded scientists and world leaders with whom he mixes, [Ed. -- Too late!] he details sexual encounter after sexual encounter . . .

“Sanjay saw a shapely dark-skinned girl lying on Vinay’s bed. He was overcome by a lust that he had never known before . . . He removed his clothes and began to feel Sajni’s body, caressing her voluptuous breasts.”

Continue reading ‘Pachauri Reveals the Softer, Smuttier Side of Climate Change’

03
Feb

Simon Monjack, Let Me Introduce You To “Reality”

Quick update on Simon Monjack.

TMZ sez:

Brittany Murphy’s husband has suddenly called off the fundraising party he was throwing in her honor tomorrow night — but the man who pulled the plug isn’t saying why …

[G]uests for the event received the following email from someone at the Brittany Murphy Foundation, “So sorry but the memorial has been canceled due to an illness in the family.”

We spoke with Rabbi David Baron, who was supposed to conduct the memorial, who told us when the call came in, the person who canceled never gave a reason.

I guess the timing clashed with the triathalon he was planning to compete in.

(I totally swiped this picture from The Superficial, but that guy already f-cking hates me. Hahahahahaha. He’s a spaz anyway.)

03
Feb

Neo-Luddite Lily Allen returns to Twitter

Hold the phones! Sound the alarms! Call the children and wake the neighbors! Self-proclaimed “neo-luddite” Lily Allen has returned to Twitter.

Maybe she’s social networking because recent incidents suggesting she has fallen off the wagon once again (weight gain, alcohol and/or drugs) could compromise her winning a BRIT Award on February 16, for which she’s just received three nominations. Convenient. Silence is only golden for us common common folk, J.D. Salinger, and Harper Lee.

Here’s what happened back in September. According to The Telegraph back in October:

The 24-year-old singer, a notorious social networking addict, has reportedly given up internet technology for good and is branding herself a “neo-luddite.” Her only remaining means of communication are believed to be a landline phone and an old mobile phone, which she leaves at home when she goes out.

She was sending about 20 tweets a day at the time, which is extreme for me, par for the course for a technophile (or her publicist).
Continue reading ‘Neo-Luddite Lily Allen returns to Twitter’

31
Jan

Duplicity: A Love Story

Ayup. The beloved paunchy populist, rotund righter of government and corporate wrongs, Mr. Michael Moore has stepped in it big time. I’m guessing at this point he probably has a whole room in both his Torch Lake mansion and $1.2 million dollar New York apartment dedicated solely to cleaning the bullcrap off his boots. But I digress…

So what’d he do this time? Oh, just made a film called “Capitalism: A Love Story” (the one that criticized government handouts to big business), and then turned around & snagged Michigan tax credits to help cover the costs incurred by his very own big-business production company.

The Midland, MI-based Mackinac Center for Public Policy reports:

YouTube Preview Image

Michael, Michael, Michael. Railing against big corporations for taking money out of American taxpayers’ pockets while, you know, taking money out of taxpayers’ pockets? And not just any taxpayers. The utterly cash-strapped taxpayers of your home state. Aw man, that’s just low.

Hey, any of you Michiganders out there up for a road trip? I’ve got some empty money bags right here.

Whaddya say, Michael? Don’t you think these folks should get their money back?

28
Jan

I Bet Bill Murray Won’t Be in the Sequel if the Groundhog is all CGI

America’s cutest, fuzziest group of terrorist sympathizers, PETA, is demanding that the most adorable weather forecaster in history be replaced with a robot.

That’s right. I said robot.

No, I’m not talking about Al Roker … hubba hubba amiright? Or should I say Hubba Bubba? (Hey, do they still make that gum?) Anyway…

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is requesting a robotic stand-in for the furry favorite of the beloved Groundhog Day festival known ’round the world. PETA says it’s unfair to keep Phil in captivity and then subject him to huge crowds and bright lights every Feb. 2.

William Deeley, president of the Inner Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club — once they finished the secret handshake and matched their power rings — said: “The groundhog is being treated better than the average child in Pennsylvania.”

Really? He probably should have phrased that better somehow.

Continue reading ‘I Bet Bill Murray Won’t Be in the Sequel if the Groundhog is all CGI’

26
Jan

Alabama Anti-Gambling Task-Force Chief Wins Jackpot, Resigns. Then Things Get Weird.

Welcome Farkers! (If you don’t know what a Farker is, shame on you.)

Southern politics are rife with corruption. It’s been that way for a long, long time. (I grew up in the South, so I’m allowed to generalize. Y’all.)

When I was a child, I thought whenever an Alabama Governor left office, he was automatically sent to jail. I even met a Governor once towards the end of his term and pitied him.  I just knew he’d be in jail soon.

The latest down there is that David Barber, the appointed head of the state Task Force on Illegal Gambling, won a jackpot gambling in Mississippi. So while he’s fighting gambling in Alabama, trying to keep it illegal, he’s popping over the border for some quick cash. The Dothan Eagle reports:

“On a recent visit to Mississippi, I visited a legal casino and won a $2,300 prize playing a legal game,” Barber wrote in his resignation letter to Gov. Bob Riley. “While my actions were in full compliance with the law, I am convinced that the forces that operate illegal casinos in Alabama will focus on my actions as part of their continuing effort to smear you and your Task Force.”

And it turns out he was actually followed there by a P.I. hired by the Victoryland Casino. Which is just sad. (The name “Victoryland,” that is.) I’ve never had the pleasure of visiting, but I picture it looking a lot like the roadhouse from Porky’s.

To top it all off, Governor Riley (who totally does not want gambling in Alabama, in case you weren’t clear on that) allegedly received millions of dollars in campaign cash from the “Mississippi Indians” who run the casinos there. Chief Doubles-Down-With-Eleven apparently hoped Riley would keep gambling out of Alabama so gazillions of wampum beads would flow into Mississippi as Alabamians cross the border to gamble.

Guess who else was involved? (No, not Hitler, but you’re close.) HuffPo “reports”:

Continue reading ‘Alabama Anti-Gambling Task-Force Chief Wins Jackpot, Resigns. Then Things Get Weird.’

26
Jan

Hitler was an Easy Scapegoat, and Other Peace-Building Oliver Stone Tales

A note from your friendly Oversneer: Long-time Deceiver reader “Pastafarian” has once again scooped our regular bloggers. (Here’s his first piece.) If you’d like to try your hand at hypocrite-hunting, drop me an e-mail me at oversneer@gmail.com.

Oscar winning whack-job, conspiracy theorist, and (probably) 9-11 truther Oliver Stone was in Bangkok to visit your sister, and to give a lecture to high school students on the role of film in peace-building. Peace-building. His visit was organized by the Vienna-based International Peace Foundation.

Eventually, after they served the quiche, talk came around to a new 10-part documentary Stone is working on called “The Secret History of the United States.”

“Hitler is a monster. There is no question,” said Stone. “I have no empathy for Hitler at all. He was a crazy psychopath … But like Frankenstein was a monster, there was a Dr. Frankenstein. He is a product of his era.”

Oh, but wait. It gets better…

Stone said the German dictator was “enabled by Western bankers” and managed to “seduce” Germany’s military industrial complex.

PEACE BUILDING! (Chancellor Merkel, that’s Bibi Netanyahu on line nf.)
Continue reading ‘Hitler was an Easy Scapegoat, and Other Peace-Building Oliver Stone Tales’

23
Jan

Octomom’s Stretch Marks Appear to Have Joined Demi’s Missing Hip

There is a part of me that hates to torture you all with this. But hey, it’s what I do for fun.

Batshit crazy “Octomom” Suleman is at it again. No, not (surprisingly) popping out another litter or trying to get into Jon Gosselin’s pants. Just, you know, contradicting herself and strippin’ down for the cameras.

Good times, people. Good times.

nadya2

You see, there was a day not so long ago when Radar Online captured this chipper little video of Suleman in which she criticizes Kate Gosselin for:

  1. being a “cheater” for nipping and tucking her body back into bikini shape after giving birth (yeah…because Octomom just naturally looks like Angelina Jolie)
  2. having a “boxy” bod
  3. being so “attention seeking”

(I didn’t make that last one up, I promise. Check the link.)

And when asked if she would ever consider posing in a bikini for the cameras, Suleman said:

Probably never, and if I do I’ll be more appropriate I’ll wear little boy shorts like the ’50s or ’60s bikinis. A little cuter, less attention seeking.

Skip ahead to January 2010.

Now, just a warning: what you’re about to see isn’t for the faint of heart.
Continue reading ‘Octomom’s Stretch Marks Appear to Have Joined Demi’s Missing Hip’




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