So you know Kirstie Alley’s latest “I’ma gonna show you how to lose weight for realz this time” plan? Yup, it turned out to be Scientologist voodoo all along:

How does Rescue Me work?

Rescue Me is the first ever USDA certified organic weight loss product. This special formula helps curb appetite, reduce cravings, boost energy, support the metabolism of fat, and gently cleanse the body, taking the “toxic” out and putting the healthy in. Instead of losing valuable vitamins and minerals when you reduce calories, Rescue Me provides your body with high-quality organic ingredients, including nutrients, essential vitamins and minerals, natural herbs, fiber and antioxidants. When you couple the Rescue Me system with a reduced calorie diet, rich with organic ingredients and adequate exercise, you will experience the benefits in weight loss and an overall feeling of great health. Feel rejuvenated with this healthy and effective addition to your daily diet.

The $139 pills reportedly contain large doses of calcium and magnesium, both main components of the L. Ron Hubbard-approved detox program to “remove toxins” from good little Scientologists.

Alley is keeping her lawyers busy by hitting out at anyone who dares to criticize this brainless diet plan. The media “is spreading lies about me and my new business,” she says. But come on — these insanely expensive vitamins don’t even work for her, and she’s the spokeswoman. You want to talk about spreading lies?

Again, I have to ask: Why would anyone take weight-loss advice from Kirstie Alley?

Have you seen them? They are kinda repulsive and weird. And her whole “I forgot I wasn’t wearing pants” excuse falls on very, very deaf ears.

Bottom line: I admit they creep me out, but it is Meghan McCain who’s calling her out…..

The Meghan McCain who posted this picture on her twitter page in October.

The Meghan McCain who titled her upcoming book “Dirty, Sexy, Politics: A True Story“.

Good thing Meghan only said it was “possibly the most tasteless thing” she’d ever seen. Absolute statements are soooo damning.

Sorry Andy Warhol for bringing you into this–backwards. And oh yeah, sorry to Rielle’s daughter Quinn who is in for a lifetime of hurt.

Yesterday, his PETA campaign debuted. Last night, Navarro went on to perform wearing leather…on his guitar strap…his belt….his shoes.

In fact, he busted himself by tweeting the picture to the right. Consider him yet another manimal celebrity who thinks fur comes from animals and leather comes from the leather tree.

Not only that, but here’s what he once had to say about falling in love with Carmen Electra:

“She had on this white fur coat, her hair down, and her eyes pierced my heart from 20 feet away. The first thing I did was buy her 1,200 pairs of sunglasses to cover up those eyes. I couldn’t risk anyone else having the same reaction.”

So Dave Navarro falls in love with Ms. Electra over a fur coat? Now he’s “reformed” and all that, but he still wears leather? Worst PETA spokesperson ever.

According to Navarro, it was “several years ago” when he saw the footage that affected him so deeply.  Then why did it take him “several years” to sort out his feelings. Perhaps he just needs some attention, and gettin’ naked for PETA is one way to do that.

Want a few more images of Navarro rocking the leather from his concert last night? Click on the jump.

I found on Getty searching for leather lovin’ Dave Navarro:

In 2005, then-Senator Barack Obama supported changes to the PATRIOT Act that would have put telecommunications companies in the line of fire. Mainly, he railed against the whole wiretapping thing. In a speech before the The Woodrow Wilson Center On Terrorism in August 2007, Obama said:

That means no more illegal wiretapping of American citizens … no more ignoring the law when it is inconvenient. That is not who we are, and it’s not what is necessary to defeat the terrorists.

Anyway, wiretapping tapped a nerve in the American people. Some loved Obama’s guts and panache. The anthrax-killer loved it too.  Remember the white-powder-will-never-mean-the-same-thing-again guy?

According to The Smoking Gun:

After the Department of Justice last month formally closed its probe of the 2001 anthrax attacks, the FBI released the first batch of documents detailing the years-long investigation that ended with officials concluding that Bruce Ivins, a government scientist who committed suicide in July 2008, was responsible for the mailings that killed five victims.[...]In a July 2008 e-mail, Ivins wrote that “Dick Cheney scares me. The Patriot Act is so unconstitutional it’s not even funny.” He added, “I’m voting for Obama!”

And yet Obama signed a one-year extension of the PATRIOT Act last week, leaving in key provisions he had earlier opposed. Guess which ones?If you said “wiretapping,” give yourself a big wet, sloppy kiss. So the PATRIOT Act still empowers our dear leaders to:

–Authorize court-approved roving wiretaps that permit surveillance on multiple phones [and]

–Permit surveillance against a so-called lone wolf, a non-U.S. citizen engaged in terrorism who may not be part of a recognized terrorist group.

Lone Wolves.  I guess the message is  that if you need your white powder, don’t talk about it on the phone ‘cuz you-know-who will be listening in. And the takeaway from Obama’s newfound affection for the grand art of espionage? It’s mighty convenient that the Republicans did all the heavy lifting and Dick Cheney took all that flack. All Barry had to do was “extend” it.

Image courtesy of millions of people who find those who wear the shirt irresistible. And The Mountain Corporation.

Lisa Rinna said she was so disturbed by Heidi Montag’s surgically altered appearance on the cover of People, “I had to take that cover off the magazine before it came in the house.” The pouty-mouthed mother of two — who publicly admitted she’s had Juvederm and Botox and inflated her lips with silicone — also told Fancast.com she and husband Harry Hamlin are sensitive to their daughters’ body image concerns: “Anything that has to do with weight issues, I think you just have to be really careful.”

Of all people. Yes, I happen to agree that Heidi went too far, but I don’t think Lisa Rinna, a plastic surgery catastrophe in her own right, is the appropriate inflated mouthpiece for this opinion.

And while we’re on the subject of being careful around her daughters with “anything that has to do with weight issues,” she follows terrible diet and fitness advice herself. In 2008 before she hosted the Oscars red carpet event, she said her get-glamorous tips included “you literally have to starve yourself on that day if you wear a formfitting gown” and counted Dextatrim as a must-have item in her red-carpet clutch because it “curbs hunger.”

She really has her work cut out for her if she wants to teach her daughters anything remotely healthy about body image.

Well yesterday, Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Patricia M. Schnegg had nothing but good things to say about Mr. Brown because as she put it…

(Brown) hasn’t missed a session of domestic violence counseling and completed 32 days of community labor in Virginia.

Wow!  What a guy. And imagine going to work and finding out some judge is punishing a celebrity by making them do your job. That kinda sucks.

“It looks like you’re doing really, really well,” Schnegg said. “That’s always good to see.”

“Thank you,”  said the master wordsmith Brown, who was sentenced last year to five years of probation and six months of community labor after pleading guilty to felony assault. The judge also said Brown can travel out of the country for concerts in May, and June. A big Watch Out! To the ladies of Uruguay!

The singer has to be back in court May 11th. Quoth Judge (Punch &) Judy:

“By the time you come back, you’ll be way over halfway there”

Do judges in California have to go through some kind of “life affirming classes” or something?

“Who’s a good boy?! Almost there! Widdle Browny won’t punchy punchy anymore!!” Yech.

Well….Good luck Mr. Brown, Just keep your hands in your pockets for the next two years, and everything will work out fine.

Thanks to a comment by Deceiver fan Bruce, I thought “who else is wearing fur that PETA is keeping silent about at the Olympics?” Why, a number of countries had fur as part of their outfits during the Parade of Nations. (No, I’m not talking about the East German ladies’ back hair.)

This doesn’t even include duck down, or leather, or even the plumage worn by fellow American figure skater Evan Lysacek (of whom, if not for the gallery below, I would put a gratuitous picture in this post). [UPDATE: Lysacek won gold.]

Newsflash: PETA only wants Johnny Weir because of his talent for attracting the spotlight. I offer the following reasons why PETA decided to not attack the following countries’ fur-wearing during the Parade of Nations. Click each image to learn more and see if you can spot the fur!

Click below to read all the reasons at once.

Bosnia-Herzegovina: PETA confused “Bosnia” with “bonsai” and put out a press release stating “We are excited that tiny trees are finally able to move out of the Special Olympics and into the big leagues.”

Czech Republic: PETA is still trying to figure out how to spell “animal cruelty” without three K’s and a silent X.

Estonia: PETA can’t find it on the globe they bought in 1985 to get “all smart about other countries and stuff.” The only thing they see that’s “next to Russia” is Alaska. Wait a second … they can’t find Russia.

Iceland: It’s so cold there, even PETA wears fur.

Kyrgyzstan: See Czech Republic and Nepal.

Mexico: It’s just not politically correct to say anything, since all the good runners, jumpers, and swimmers are already in Texas. (Besides, Mexico has its hands full with people getting abused.)

Mongolia: One time, PETA said something mean about their horses. Then Mongolia said something mean about going all “Genghis Khan” on them. PETA backed off and pretended like they meant to protest the film “Magnolia” instead.

Morocco: PETA is certain that this is a musical instrument. (Cha Cha Cha.)

Nepal: There’s not really a media market. Can’t fame-whore in the Himalayas since TMZ doesn’t have cameras there.

New Zealand: Sheep eat people in New Zealand, not the other way around. PETA is pleased with that, but sheep are starting up SETP: Sheep for the Ethical Treatment of People. Pretty soon they’ll be shearing themselves in front of local businesses, buying red paint, etc.  I can’t wait for naked posters of Mary’s little lamb. I feel dirty now.

First Nations of Canada: PETA knows if they say anything, the First Nations will come after them with their seal-skull-bashing clubs. Damn, those hurt.

Guess which one had the important job.

One trick pony (my nickname in high school) Tina Fey is just dying to reprise the role that made her world famous. No not the teacher in that Lindsay Lohan movie. And no, not as that one person she apparently plays to a “T” on that one show with the currently sober (?) Baldwin brother on The Learning Channel or wherever it is.

Nope! OHMYGOD!OHMYGOD!OHMYGOD!!!!1!one!! Sarah Palin! I can’t wait!

I hope there’s a lot of  those “I can see my house…” jokes. I’m doing lots of side crunches to prepare for them. (Gotta strengthen up those laugh muscles, you know.) And she plans on doing it in April on that show that you didn’t even know was still on — Saturday Night Live:

“It’s inevitable that we’ll try it, at least,” Fey said in an interview Tuesday. “We’ll see if it makes it to air.”

“It was the strangest thing that’s ever happened to me,” Fey said. “I’ve never had anything fall in my lap like that. Everything is usually me trying to convince the people of Earth that it’s OK for me to perform. … That felt like the opposite.”

Get that, you foolish Earthling? She’s talented!

I read somewhere a couple of years ago, you know when she said she wasn’t gonna do this anymore, because “she’s tired of that woman” or whatever she purred from behind her sexy fetish eyeglasses. Then SNL’s ratings shot up a whopping 70% (sooo… they went from 30 to 100 viewers then?). Hey, she even won an Emmy as guest actress for one of her four guest appearances, and, AND!  a 2008 AP Entertainer of the Year Award. Whatever the hell that is.

Gee I wonder what might’ve prompted this. I mean, she was all “I’m over that shiz,” and now it’s all, “bring back the Sarah Payless!” So with some sleuthing (you know … reading the article), I discovered that she has a brand spanking new movie coming out April 9th alongside Steve “Box Office Poison” Carell. I am so there. No, that’s a complete lie. I won’t see it.

Cats and dogs and mongooses (mongeese?) should never be threatened with slaughter, but it’s open season on Olympic skaters — who, you have to admit, are sort of like puppies. (Oh my, a hunting joke! Someone call the ASPCA!)

American figure skater Johnny Weird Weir, the all-around “just a little bit odd” guy (Did I mention male figure skater?) fears for his life during the Winter Games.

According to ESPN:

U.S. figure skater Johnny Weir says he received threats from anti-fur activists that made him fear for his safety, causing him to scrub any plans to stay at a hotel while in Vancouver for the Olympics.

From Reuters:

“There was a lot of attention put on a tiny piece of fur,” said the 25-year-old, the 2008 world bronze medalist. “While I do understand anti-fur activists views about fur and the fur industry, they aren’t part of my life. One thing that is horrible is when somebody pushes a belief on you like a religion. I was definitely threatened and felt very threatened. People are nuts.

“I’m an easy person to pick on because I’m very open I like fur and I like things that come from dead animals. It’s easy put your cause against an athlete going to the Olympic Games, it’s good free publicity for these activists. I’m not a huge politician that gets these threats all the time. I mean I’m a figure skater. It’s not normal to receive a threat that really threatens your life. It’s a very scary thing.”

They didn’t just go after him. They’ve threatened “contacted” his costume designer as well. (Costume designers get no love unless something goes wrong.) The entire episode has forced Weir to literally share a hotel suite with a female American ice dancer, who just happens to be his teammate’s ex-girlfriend.

The plot thickens! Well … no, not really. I mean, come on. He’s a figure skater.

Anyway, just two weeks ago, Weir was all set to cave in and wear fake fur instead of the real thing:

Weir will replace the fox on his costume with faux fur after receiving “hate mail and death threats” from animal rights activists, agent Tara Modlin said Thursday. “He’s changing it because he needs to focus on skating,” she said. [...] “I do not want something as silly as my costume disrupting my second Olympic experience and my chance at a medal, a dream I have had since I was a kid,” Weir said in a statement …

“I hope these activists can understand that my decision to change my costume is in no way a victory for them, but a draw,” Weir said in his statement. “I am not changing in order to appease them, but to protect my integrity and the integrity of the Olympic Games as well as my fellow competitors.

“Just weeks away from hitting my starting position on the ice in Vancouver, I have technique and training to worry about and that trumps any costume and any threat I may receive.”

After this, animal rights groups signaled they would back off.  But then Weir changed his mind and decided to wear his original costume.  The fur came back, and apparently the claws have come back out.

Weir may not be Scott Hamilton, but he deserves a good night’s sleep during the Olympics.  And if he makes it out of Vancouver alive, I hope he has a medal. If not gold, silver, or bronze, then how about mink?

What else can you take away from this quote from her attorney after Charlie Sheen got her restraining order revoked?

The couple hugged in court, and Brooke Mueller Sheen’s attorney, Yale Galanter, said they hugged again and kissed in the basement of the 19th century Pitkin County Courthouse after the brief hearing before leaving in separate vehicles. They planned to fly out of Aspen together, and Galanter said he has asked prosecutors to drop the case.

“I can tell you, Brooke very badly wanted to have contact with Charlie,” Galanter said. “There are many children’s issues that she wanted to communicate with him about… They have two gorgeous beautiful babies together.

“Brooke would like this case to be over and charges dismissed so they can get on with their lives.”

Brooke, dear. I don’t know whether you’re a hypocrite or just suffering from Stockholm syndrome but you told the world the man held a knife to your throat a scant six weeks ago. In front of your kids.

In an affidavit you told police that your husband threatened to hire hitmen “who know how to get the job done and they won’t leave any trace” and swore he would kill you if you told anyone. There is potentially no “getting on with your life” if he does it again.

For the love of god, other than buckets of money, what does this vicious man have that make young, pretty women with lots of options lose their damn minds?