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Archive for the 'Movie Stars' Category

02
Jul

Battle of the Brains: Megan Fox vs. Michael Bay

By Simon Scowl 22 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Movie Stars

megan_fox_promoting_transformers_in_parisSuperman vs. Lex Luthor. Buckaroo Banzai vs. Emilio Lizardo. Bugs Bunny vs. Yosemite Sam. When stunning intellects do battle, woe betide all who stand in their way.

And now, a new chapter begins in the history of intellectual combat:

Megan Fox slammed Transformers director Michael Bay for focusing more on special effects than acting, but he doesn’t mind.

“Well, that’s Megan Fox for you,” Bay tell the Wall Street Journal. “She says some very ridiculous things because she’s 23 years old and she still has a lot of growing to do…”

Fox told Entertainment Weekly: “I mean, I can’t s— on this movie because it did give me a career and open all these doors for me. But I don’t want to blow smoke up people’s a–. People are well aware that this is not a movie about acting…”

Bay says he “100 percent disagrees” with Fox. “Nick Cage wasn’t a big actor when I cast him, nor was Ben Affleck before I put him in Armageddon. Shia LaBeouf wasn’t a big movie star before he did Transformers — and then he exploded. Not to mention Will Smith and Martin Lawrence, from Bad Boys,” he points out.

Bay is truly a student of Hollywood history. Nobody had ever heard of Nicolas Cage or his Oscar-winning performance in Leaving Las Vegas before Bay discovered him, and Will Smith was merely a Grammy-winning rapper and star of a hit TV show before Bay did him a favor. Ben Affleck? Another Oscar-winner? Big deal! Without Bay, that Oscar wouldn’t do squat against an asteroid or meteor or whatever they blew up in that one movie. (Asteroid, right? I think?)

Anyway, Michael Bay certainly doesn’t say very ridiculous things.

Now that he has truly bested Megan Fox at mind fu, maybe he can take on more seasoned intellect, a real heavyweight. Someone like Cameron Diaz, perhaps, or our old pal Gwyneth. Or maybe he’ll just spend lots of the money he’s made from his dopey clang-clang-splode robot movies. Yeah, I’m guessing he’ll do that.

01
Jul

We Get It, Gwyneth: America Stinks

By Simon Scowl 93 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Movie Stars

Gaunt GOOPmistress Gwyneth Paltrow is at it again! Remember a few years back, when she got in trouble for saying this?

“I love the English lifestyle, it’s not as capitalistic as America. People don’t talk about work and money, they talk about interesting things at dinner.

“I like living here because I don’t fit into the bad side of American psychology. The British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans.”

Yeah, Americans are such dumb savages that they’ve made Gwyneth Paltrow rich enough to live well in any country she chooses. What were you thinking, Americans?

Paltrow, realizing she’d just taken a shot at her own gravy train, then backtracked as well as she could in those 7-inch heels she prefers. She insisted she was misquoted, she was “proud to be an American”, and other lies.

And the way you can tell they were lies is that she just keeps saying this stuff:

Gwyneth Paltrow says Spain has “became a second home.”

“It is so different from the United States. It seemed to have a history, and the buildings are years and years and years old. Here in the United States an old building is about 17 (years old), and over there it’s from 500 B.C., it’s incredible,” she tells the Associated Press.

“Also, the way people live over there. They seem to enjoy life a little bit more,” she continued. “They aren’t running around as much as in New York. They enjoy time with the family. They don’t always have their BlackBerry on.”

“Years and years and years old.” Kind of like her. Physically, anyway.

Let’s make a deal, GOOPy: You stay away from America (or at least New York, which you seem to think is the same thing), and we’ll keep staying away from movie theaters with your name on the marquee.

Well, unless Iron Man’s in it. Iron Man’s awesomeness cancels out Gwyneth Paltrow’s utter unawesomeness. Does England have its own Iron Man? Does Spain? Yeah, okay, but their suits of armor can’t even fly without using a catapult, and the landings son una puta.

01
Jul

Pauly Shore Might Sue Sacha Baron Cohen Over Brüno

By Holly Won't 19 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Legal Messes, Movie Stars and The Washed Up

pauly_shoreEveryone likes to sue Sacha Baron Cohen, but I have to think he didn’t see this one coming. Pauly Shore has contacted his lawyers over a scene from Brüno:

Sacha Baron Cohen is facing more legal woes — comedian Pauly Shore has alleged a scene in new movie Bruno is taken from his film Adopted.

In Bruno, Cohen’s outlandish character collects an African baby out of a box on an airport baggage carousel before turning to the camera and saying, “Angelina’s got one, Madonna’s got one, now Bruno’s got one,” in a gag joking about stars who adopt foreign children.

The funnyman reportedly sent Madonna flowers and a sympathetic note during her recent battle to adopt Malawian Mercy James, to apologize for the skit.

And now director Shore alleges the scene bears a striking resemblance to the trailer and tagline for his new film, Adopted — a comedy about the public’s obsession with celebrity babies.

According to the New York Daily News, Shore has contacted his attorney and is preparing to take legal action against Cohen.

I know what you’re thinking — Pauly Shore can still afford legal bills?

The poor man’s Adam Sandler hasn’t had a hit in ages, and the adoption film in question doesn’t have a release date yet. But even at the height of his popularity in the ’90s, most of the drivel he starred in borrowed heavily from other, more successful movies. Bio-Dome spoofed The Six Million Dollar Man, Apocalypse Now, The Karate Kid, Blue Velvet, and JFK, according to IMDb. And Encino Man’s gags were cringe-worthy parodies of Rocky, Terminator, and Risky Business.

But now we’re supposed to believe that at age 41, Pauly Shore has finally had an original idea for the first time ever, and a far more popular and relevant comedian supposedly stole it from him?

Am I missing the punch line?

29
Jun

Lindsay Lohan: ‘Friends Don’t Let Friends Drink and Drive’

By Holly Won't 35 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Activists, Bad Boys & Girls and Movie Stars

lindsay_lohan_vegasLindsay Lohan must have inherited her dad’s lack of self-awareness, because I can’t otherwise explain why she’s appointing herself a charter member of Celebrities Against Drunk Driving (CADD).

How else can you interpret this Tweet she posted around midnight last night:

note to all: FRIENDS DON’T LET FRIENDS DRINK AND DRIVE
about 8 hours ago from web

What about snorting coke and driving? Do her friends let her do that?

I can’t help but wonder if this is an abdication of responsibility — “my friends didn’t stop me!” — because this isn’t the first time she’s advised against drunk driving.

Obviously the most credible advocate for why drunk driving is bad is someone who does it every Saturday morning. I mean, how else is she supposed to get home from H.Wood? In a cab? Ew.

Footnote: The accompanying photograph was taken at LiLo’s 23rd birthday party in Vegas over the weekend. Twenty-three, you guys.

26
Jun

Sacha Baron Cohen Finally Runs into Something He Can’t Joke About

By Simon Scowl 25 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Movie Stars and Musicians

brunonewFrom the “How Was I Supposed Ta Know?” file, the Risky Biz Blog says:

The sudden death of Michael Jackson on Thursday prompted a series of discussions at Universal Pictures that resulted in the studio cutting a Jackson-related sketch from “Bruno” only hours before its Los Angeles premiere.

Uni removed a scene in which Bruno, the flamboyant Austrian journalist played by Sacha Baron Cohen, interviews an unsuspecting LaToya Jackson about a number of topics, including her brother.

Among the gags is a joke about the King of Pop’s high-pitched voice, as well as a reference to his trademark white glove, all done in Baron Cohen’s characteristically absurdist tone.

It’s reminiscent of the way Hollywood scrambled to deal with the aftermath of 9/11, even digitally removing the World Trade Center from shots in Zoolander and shelving a Spider-Man trailer that depicted Spidey webbing some bad guys between the Twin Towers. There’s really no way around it, although it’s not like they could’ve known. Including it wouldn’t make them complicit or anything. But then, PR disasters and logic have never been the best of friends.

And if you think the comparison between Michael Jackson’s death and 9/11 is inappropriate, don’t blame me. I got it from Chad Johnson.

22
Jun

You Gotta Be Kidding: Alec Baldwin Writing A Parenting Book

By Holly Won't 26 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Crazy People, Movie Stars, Television Stars and Writers

alec-baldwin-irelandYou think Jennifer Love Hewitt writing the book on relationships was bad? Alec Baldwin just topped that: He’s authoring a parenting guide.

He tells Playboy magazine, “It will be ironic for some people, but I’m going to write a parenting book. We’re at… an awful place right now in terms of parenting. People are raising their children with the belief that we need to be friends with our children. Kids have too much power and call too many of the shots, telling their parents what they will and won’t do.”

And Baldwin blames the economy and other social issues for the way parents have gone soft: “People are working hard to make money and manage their feelings about what the country’s going through. We live in stressful times.”

“People come home, walk up the driveway, put the key in the door, and they can’t do another hard job. Parenting your children effectively is a tough job.”

This book is so going to be Family Ties meets Machiavelli. Most parents forget that after you walk up the driveway and put the key in the door, you should immediately begin telling your 11-year-old she lacks “the brains or the decency as a human being” and she’s “a rude, thoughtless little pig.” Because there’s no middle ground between being your kid’s best friend and giving them good reason to despise the very sight of you.

19
Jun

Jeremy Piven Sticks to Fish-Free Diet, B.S. Story About Needing Fish-Free Diet

By Simon Scowl 17 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Movie Stars and The Washed Up

You’ve been wondering whatever happened to the ol’ Pivenator, right? Of course you haven’t, but he still wants you to know that he was totally telling the truth about eating so much fish that he was sweating pure mercury:

“I haven’t had a piece of fish since the doctor told me to lower my blood mercury level,” the Entourage Emmy winner told PEOPLE during Thursday’s Lakers celebration party at Los Angeles’s Nokia Club. “So, it’s been almost 10 months now.”

Piven, 43, abruptly left the Broadway revival of David Mamet’s Speed-the-Plow mid-run in December with an ailment his doctor called fatigue from mercury poisoning.

Miffed over his departure from the show, producers filed charges with Actors Equity against Piven, with the case currently tied up in arbitration…

The path to health, he says, is, “You just change your life and kind of do it. It wasn’t necessarily the sushi. It was just a steady diet of fish. Twice a day for 20 years. That’s not right for anyone.”

Neither was Smokin’ Aces,  dude, but you still took the money. Well, it’s no wonder you don’t have an appetite for fish anymore. You must be stuffed after months of eating your own words.

By the way, Piven might not eat fish anymore, but he still gets soaked to the gills.

Update: Hey, since he’s no longer a “piscaterian,” does that mean he’s dropping the pretense that he doesn’t eat animals? Hope so. If you’ve ever seen one of his movies, you know he doesn’t really have anything against ham.

Update: Pinpuller in the comments, for the win: “I think this explains his falling out with Ellen.”

19
Jun

Well, I Guess ‘Love’ Is Her Middle Name…

By Holly Won't 33 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Movie Stars, Television Stars and Writers

jennifer_love_hewittJennifer Love Hewitt is writing a “sassy and irreverent” book of relationship advice. I’m sure it will win a Pulitzer:

In The Day I Shot Cupid (to hit stores March 2010), the Ghost Whisperer star, 30, “reveals a surprisingly wicked sense of humor as she explores the new landscape of modern dating and offers up a wide range of practical tips, from text-flirting and IM-ing to what men and women really want, and how to start over after a breakup,” according to a release.

Says Ellen Archer, president and publisher of Hyperion and VOICE, the company releasing the novel: “We were instantly sold on Hewitt’s sassy and irreverent take on modern love and felt that her own confidence would be inspirational to women of all ages.”

Jennifer Love Hewitt does have a lot of experience with relationships, I’ll give her that much. Just two weeks ago she emasculated her comedian boyfriend Jamie Kennedy on the radio, threatening “a situation” if he doesn’t propose within the next year. The girl wastes no time: Five months back she broke off her engagement to actor Ross McCall.

And then there was the time she dated John Mayer, which really tells you all you need to know. Wikipedia also lists flings with “talk show host Carson Daly, actor/model Kip Pardue, writer Chris Benson, singer-songwriter Rich Cronin, actor and singer Joey Lawrence, professional kayaker Brad Ludden, actor Will Friedle, and singer Enrique Iglesias.”

So I suppose if you covet JLH’s string of broken hearts and failed trysts with D-list celebrities (who may or may not have dated her for her boobs), this is the self-help book for you!

18
Jun

To Serve and Protect — Just Not If You’re A Celebrity

By Holly Won't 20 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Crazy People, Fashionistas, Legal Messes, Movie Stars and Television Stars

sjp_papparazziNot gonna lie: I covet the celebrity lifestyle, especially if I could be Sarah Jessica Parker for a day or two. (Just think of the shoes and bags she must get by the truckload from suck-up designers!)

Except apparently it’s not always fun and glamour, because this is all kinds of wrong:

Two Ohio police chiefs are under investigation for a plot involving the surrogate carrying the twins of Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick.

The peace officers allegedly masterminded a break-in of the surrogate’s home in a bid to dig up dirt they hoped to sell to the tabloids.

Harrison County prosecutor Shawn Hervey tells E! News that he has been appointed to oversee a probe in the town of Martins Ferry. But he declined to say whether it concerned the surrogate plot since he has yet to receive any paperwork.

But a law enforcement source says that the Bureau of Criminal Investigation will look into allegations that Martins Ferry Police Chief Barry Carpenter and Bridgeport Chief Chad DoJack orchestrated the home-invasion scheme for a private windfall.

That is just crazyville, no? Whatever happened with “to serve and protect”? I’m not usually one to defend certain celebrities‘ rights to privacy, but when police chiefs are plotting to break into your surrogate’s home to sniff your dirty laundry, the line has officially been crossed.

16
Jun

Chuck Norris Finally Gets the Joke. Sort Of.

By Holly Won't 21 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Movie Stars, Television Stars, The Washed Up and Writers

chuck_norris2Chuck Norris has announced he will be releasing a book this fall containing 101 autobiographical facts through Christian publishing house Tyndale Books.

If this idea sounds a lot like ChuckNorrisFacts.com and the companion book that spent a month atop the New York Times bestsellers list in 2007, it is. Except back then, Chuck Norris really hated the idea and indeed sued the publishers of The Truth About Chuck Norris: 400 Facts About the World’s Greatest Human, claiming that “some of the ‘facts’ in the book are racist, lewd or portray Mr. Norris as engaged in illegal activities.”

The lawsuit only served as free publicity for the book and was eventually dropped when Chuck Norris realized he could get on this gravy train. Although, I have to imagine, his version will have zero self-awareness and even less humor.

Fact: Chuck Norris doesn’t understand parody. Or evidently hyperbole, unless he really feels “When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk; when the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris” is somehow defamatory.

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