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Archive for the 'Television Stars' Category

19
Mar

Kirstie Alley Endorses $139 Weight-Loss Scientology Vitamins

By Holly Won't 8 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Businesses, Crazy People, Scientology and Television Stars

Why does Kirstie Alley news always break on Fridays? Sometimes I feel bad for leaving you guys with photos like these over the weekend. (Though consider yourselves lucky that I couldn’t find an angle on that story about Heidi Montag firing her psychic for nonperformance.)

So you know Kirstie Alley’s latest “I’ma gonna show you how to lose weight for realz this time” plan? Yup, it turned out to be Scientologist voodoo all along:

How does Rescue Me work?

Rescue Me is the first ever USDA certified organic weight loss product. This special formula helps curb appetite, reduce cravings, boost energy, support the metabolism of fat, and gently cleanse the body, taking the “toxic” out and putting the healthy in. Instead of losing valuable vitamins and minerals when you reduce calories, Rescue Me provides your body with high-quality organic ingredients, including nutrients, essential vitamins and minerals, natural herbs, fiber and antioxidants. When you couple the Rescue Me system with a reduced calorie diet, rich with organic ingredients and adequate exercise, you will experience the benefits in weight loss and an overall feeling of great health. Feel rejuvenated with this healthy and effective addition to your daily diet.

The $139 pills reportedly contain large doses of calcium and magnesium, both main components of the L. Ron Hubbard-approved detox program to “remove toxins” from good little Scientologists.

Alley is keeping her lawyers busy by hitting out at anyone who dares to criticize this brainless diet plan. The media “is spreading lies about me and my new business,” she says. But come on — these insanely expensive vitamins don’t even work for her, and she’s the spokeswoman. You want to talk about spreading lies?

Again, I have to ask: Why would anyone take weight-loss advice from Kirstie Alley?

17
Mar

Miley Cyrus Tells Blog to Tell Her Fans to Get Off the Internet

By Holly Won't 7 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Musicians, Teen Idols, Television Stars and Writers

These new Miley Cyrus quotes barely need the requisite hypocritical context from me:

“I was kind of, like, tired of telling everyone what I’m doing,” Cyrus told Movieline. “I hate when I read things and celebrities are complaining like, ‘I have no personal life.’ I’m like, well that’s because you write everything that you’re doing.” …

“I’m telling kids, don’t go on the internet, it’s dangerous, it’s not fun, it wastes your life, and you should be outside playing sports or something.”

Love that she is telling all this to Movieline.com. Not a print publication, you idiot.

Also, lame home videos on YouTube count as the internet. Just thought her hamster brain might require the clarification.

12
Mar

Madonna Pegged a ‘Relationship Expert’ on The Marriage Ref

By Holly Won't 13 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Bad Boys & Girls, Musicians and Television Stars

Last night, Madonna appeared on Jerry Seinfeld’s new NBC show The Marriage Ref, a show where celebrities offer their commentary on how real-life couples should solve their marital squabbles. She told one wife not to withhold sex from her husband just because he wouldn’t clean the basement, and suggested to a widow that she get rid of her late husband’s prosthetic leg to spare the feelings of her new beau.

If you’d think to question why Her Madgesty would qualify to give anyone advice on marriage, you’d be wiser than the casting directors at NBC.

Madonna’s love life has been a well-chronicled series of public failures. From her first divorce in 1989 from Sean Penn to her 2009 divorce from Guy Ritchie, the woman has spent nary a minute not wrecking marriages over the past 25 years — her own or others’.

She seems to have a thing for baseball players: José Canseco says Madonna offered him money to leave his wife for her in 1991, and Alex Rodriguez’s wife left him in 2008 claiming Madonna was a homewrecker.

But this is a show by Jerry Seinfeld we’re talking about, a man who poached his wife from another man not three months after they returned from their honeymoon. Any real marriage referee would call foul on that one.

10
Mar

Anthony Bourdain’s Delicious Second Helping of Hypocrisy

By Sarah Jessica Snarker 29 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Entertainment, Foodies, Television Stars and Writers

Anthony Bourdain, the chain-smoking bad boy of the Travel Channel’s Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, has a few choice words for all you food bloggers out there: Just eat it.

Apparently, despite Bourdain making a fortune as well as a name for himself trotting all over the globe documenting and analyzing all manner of foodstuffs, there’s something really wrong with bloggers who do exactly the same thing — only with smaller cameras and thinner budgets.

Confused? Me too.

In last Monday’s episode of No Reservations, Bourdain tags along with several food fanatics/bloggers including eGullet’s Jason Perlow and Steven Shaw, and Opinionated About Dining’s Steven Plotnicki. Gawker’s Mike Byhoff reports:

[In the episode] Bourdain claims that these three men are so obsessed with food, it’s come to the point of disillusionment about what food actually means. And in the middle the interviews with the each blogger, they each took out their cameras to photograph the food. This is where Bourdain, for some reason, berated them. He voiced serious disapproval when it comes to taking pictures of their food for the purposes of posting those photos to their blog.

Now you’d think Bourdain would be able to appreciate the passion these fellow food-fixators have for their subject matter. After all, this guy is seriously food-obsessed. You’d have to be to subject yourself to consuming such unfathomable dishes as unwashed warthog rectum and fermented shark. Or crazy. Or on drugs. Or both.

But apparently while it’s cool for Bourdain to scrutinize the exotic cuisine of cultures around the world while his Travel Channel camera crew documents each and every delicious or disgusting bite, when food bloggers do it (with their little notebooks and digital cameras), the process is suddenly akin to “keeping a diary while having sex,” as he put it.

Continue reading ‘Anthony Bourdain’s Delicious Second Helping of Hypocrisy’

08
Mar

Déjà Screw: ABC Rejects Ad by Dating Website for Marrieds

By Holly Won't 24 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Bad Boys & Girls, Businesses, Movie Stars and Television Stars
YouTube Preview Image

Television advertising hypocrisy isn’t limited to CBS, it turns out. It’s an equal-opportunity affliction.

AdWeek.com is reporting that the Oscars organizers at ABC rejected the above ad from AshleyMadison.com, a dating website that targets infidelity-minded married men, because cheating on your spouse is bad. I love it when Hollywood gets all moral on us.

Let’s review some of the nominated films at the 82nd Annual Academy Awards, shall we? (Spoilers lie within.)

Continue reading ‘Déjà Screw: ABC Rejects Ad by Dating Website for Marrieds’

05
Mar

Jon Gosselin and the Angry Inch

By Holly Won't 21 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Television Stars, The Naughty Bits, The Religious and Writers

That pinnacle of journalism Life & Style magazine is reporting that Playgirl has offered dad-of-eight Jon Gosselin $20,000 to reveal his Little Jon in a centerfold:

If Playgirl ever asks Jon Gosselin, 32, to pose nude, he may be a little insulted by the offer. “We discussed it, and we’d offer him only $20,000,” Playgirl rep Daniel Nardicio tells Life & Style exclusively. “His star is extinguishing, and he’s not very [well endowed]” — as Jon’s exes Hailey Glassman and Kate Major both recently revealed. “Honestly,” says Nardicio, “it’d be more of a novelty than an actual sexy shoot.”

But since no one thought to ask Jon for a comment and he can’t afford a publicist anymore, he offered this on Twitter:

So wait. Is he saying he would never stoop so low, or no one has asked him yet? ‘Cause for a minute there, it sounds like he’s about to make a moral argument about how his good Christian values would preclude him from doing such a thing, but then he gets all “your people haven’t called my people to work this shiz out.” Maybe he realizes that twenty grand can buy a whole lot of Ed Hardy.

03
Mar

The Two Faces of Brazilian Television Standards

By Holly Won't 16 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Bad Boys & Girls, Businesses, Non-U.S. Politicos, Socialites and Television Stars

Courtesy of Celebritology comes a study in what’s acceptable for primetime television in Brazil.

The first contender? A Schincariol beer ad starring Paris Hilton slutting it up that has been criticized by the Brazilian government:

It’s confirmed: Paris Hilton is too hot for Brazil.

A sultry beer ad featuring the socialite has been pulled after consumer complaints and a watchdog agency’s investigation.

The television and Internet ad featured Hilton in a short black dress preening and rubbing a can of Devassa beer on herself, all to the delight of onlookers watching through her window.

Brewer Schincariol said in a statement Tuesday it will defend the commercial, but is pulling it in the meantime.

An ad watchdog group, Conar, asked last week that the ad be removed, noting that regulations don’t permit a beer commercial to treat women as overtly sensual objects. Brazil’s Secretariat for Women’s Affairs also said it had received complaints about the ad.

Color me surprised how the land that inspired the Brazilian wax is suddenly not comfortable with ads that treat women in a sexual manner. Little girls, on the other hand…

YouTube Preview Image

Yes, that’s a eight-year-old girl gyrating to Lady Gaga sans pants on a Brazilian television talent show. And not even a woof from the watchdogs?

I mean, at least you expect it from Paris.

02
Mar

Someone Club Pamela, Please

By Pastafarian 10 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: PETA, Television Stars and The Washed Up

Pamela Anderson sent a letter to the King of Canada, or whoever is in charge up there, asking to end his nation’s apparently never-ending seal hunt.

Actually, Pammy sent a letter to Prime Minister Stephen Harper by putting it in a mailbox in front of the offices of the Canadian Department of Fisheries and Oceans. Does she even know if he works there?

She also said she planned on dropping her car off at the post office because she said it needed a tune up.

The plasticine troll who has starred in at least two sex tapes, was at one time married to or involved with at least two members of two of the worst bands of the early and late 1980s, and starred in such Hollywood classics as “Barb Wire” and “Baywatch.” This is the silicone-for-brains who’s calling seal hunters “an embarrassment to Canada.”

Oh look! A leather purse! Anyway, her letter continues on about something having to do with sea ice and poutine, and how seal pups don’t have anywhere to give birth now that there are so many doughnut shops lining the Atlantic coast.

Says Anderson:

The absence of this birthing habitat will have dangerous consequences for the entire harp-seal population. Without ice, mother seals will be forced to abort their pups in the water.

I don’t know much about ice, and I have no idea what the connection is between this and killing seals for their skins. But I do know that sealskin coats are warm as hell. Nanook was no dummy.

And I also know that if you use square ice cubes in your glass, they won’t cling to the sides like the half circle ones will (thereby leaving more room for scotch). Maybe that’s what she meant.

I did become distracted searching Deceiver’s archives looking for stories involving Pamela’s hypocrisy involving seals, a steakhouse,  and fur coats.

The list is almost endless. I stopped counting after eight. This is getting too easy with this idiot. Writing Deceiver stories about Pamela Anderson is as easy as clubbing a baby seal. Just not quite as messy.

25
Feb

Sharon Hates Fox Tail But She Sure Likes Leather

By Pastafarian 5 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Activists, Fashionistas, Musicians, PETA and Television Stars

Ozzy Osbourne’s professional nursemaid, and (inexplicably) America’s Got Talent judge, Sharon Osbourne took to her Twitter thing today to urge her “fans” to boycott Louis Vuitton’s handbag accessories because they’re “heinous.”

“Louis Vuitton foxtail handbag accessories make me sick. Please do not purchase those! It’s heinous.”

She’s wrong though. These fox tail things would look totally cool hanging from your purse. Or they would, if you were a 15-year-old high school sophomore in 1982.

But this pleased the people at PETA to no end anyway…

“As designers flaunted fur during Fashion Week in New York, and the usual suspects are expected to be as vulgar in Milan and Paris, we’re pleased Sharon is using her voice to denounce the cruelty.”

It seems Sharon is against all the cruelty that goes into making a fox tail purse, but doesn’t necessarily feel so bad about all the cows that had to die just to make her favorite leather jacket.

And that’s just one of the hundreds of pictures I found of Ms. Osbourne in various leather goods. Trust me. Typing a female name, and the words “leather dress” in Google with safe search off isn’t always smart. Especially with your mom standing right behind you.

SHUT UP MOM!! IT’S RESEARCH!!

24
Feb

Joan Collins Still Alive, Still Old.

By Pastafarian 23 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Movie Stars, Television Stars and The Washed Up

Joan Collins has carved a huge curse in hieroglyphics that the people at The Daily Mail were good enough to decipher. Take my word for it.  She must have wanted to use one word for each day she was alive.

Why should people be so surprised that women in their 50s, 60s and 70s look sexy and absolutely wonderful?

I don’t know.  Why should someone that’s already outlived my grandmother by four years be considered sexy? These are deep questions.

Joan denies ever having had any kind of plastic surgery, despite claims a few years ago from London plastic surgeon Alex Karidis, who says he saw evidence of cosmetic surgery when he met her in 2004.  He said then…

I clearly saw the scars behind her ears indicating a facelift. I saw that she had also had her eyes lifted. I would say she has had this done in the last five years.

But Joan says…

…I have treated my body as I would a car [Ed: a  rumored major frame off restoration 20 years ago helped], only the best in petrol, care and maintenance, and I’m happy to say it seems to have worked for me.

I wondered what caused her anger, as all the archeologists I know have denied removing the rubies  from her eye sockets.

And then I remembered: Doesn’t she endorse a miracle face cream? One that sells for a paltry $125.00 an ounce? Oh, that’s right–she does.

And Joan continues…

We all know what a drag that is, but there’s no way around the drudgery of reality. We live in a quick-fix society where we need instant gratification for everything. Too fat? Get lipo-sucked. Stringy hair? Glue on extensions. Wrinkles and lines? Head to the beauty shop for a pot of the latest miracle skin stuff.
It’s all a beautiful £1 billion con foisted upon insecure women by canny cosmetic conglomerates.

Wow. At $16,000 a gallon that stuff you’re pushing would add a big chunk to that, wouldn’t it?

Joan continues at great length about all the hot, old chicks in Hollywood, and how they deserve blah, blah, blah…  but I couldn’t get through it all because my giant magnifying glass and ancient code book somehow got Dr. Pepper spilled all over them. Maybe I’ll try again after a nap. Or maybe not.

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