Archive for the 'Environmentalists' Category

15
May

Sean Penn Wants to Save the Environment (Unless It Interferes with His Nicotine Fix)

A few weeks ago Sean Penn organized something called the Dirty Hands Caravan, in which several biodiesel buses traveled from the Coachella Festival in Indio, CA to New Orleans, filled with the sort of people you’d find at Coachella. Plus Sean Penn. Along the way they did, like, good stuff:

The caravan… is the coming together of individuals encouraged to “get involved” in any way they feel compelled, whether its by cleaning up parks or neighborhoods, caring for the sick or needy, or speaking out on behalf of issues such as immigration reform…

As the bio-diesel buses make their way across U.S. cities, members of the caravan will be offered opportunities to volunteer on behalf of established local organizations. However, members of the caravan are free to choose whatever cause or do whatever good they feel inspired to do, whether it is officially organized or not. The goal of The Dirty Hands Caravan is to get people engaged and active in their world. Good works will be done, but the caravan’s overall mission is to “encourage individuals to take individual actions.”

Sounds a bit ill-defined, but hey, whatever makes them feel less guilty about having that much free time. One wit called it “a sort of feelgood A-Team,” which is about right. Or maybe it’s like the Merry Pranksters, except instead of dropping acid with Ken Kesey and having a blast, you get to go around pulling weeds and stuff with a sullen, humorless movie star. Whee. Well, at least it’ll give him something to talk about if he ever bumps into his ex-wife.

Anyway. Then this week he was at Cannes, and France has some strict new anti-smoking laws — which seems dumb because it’s, y’know, France* — but he went ahead and lit up in public anyway. Normally I’d say bravo, but it seems kind of hypocritical to talk about saving the environment and then make other people breathe the smoke from your rotten lungs. How about improving your immediate environment first? Act locally and all that.

Even if you don’t see the connection there, I think we can all agree upon the first principle that Sean Penn is a dick.

*I just meant that on the rare occasion I think about France, I picture everybody walking around smoking cigarettes. But if you want to take it as a slam against them because they’re a bunch of unwashed savages and now they don’t have all that cigarette smoke to mask the smell, that’ll work too.

06
May

News Flash: Celebrities Often Say One Thing But Do Another

Britain’s Daily Mail has a nice round-up of what they call “hippy-crites,” celebrities who want everybody else to ride the bus while they fly around on private jets.

  • Chris Martin of Coldplay has convinced himself he’s offsetting his heavy private jet usage (100,000 miles per year according to one estimate) by paying to have mango trees planted. It’s science! Incidentally, Martin is slated to make an appearance in his wife’s next movie as Iron-Deficient Man.
  • Leonardo Di Caprio thinks he’s helping to save the planet by flying commercial “as often as possible” instead of taking a private jet. Talk about self-sacrifice. Move over, Ghandi!
  • Brad Pitt has said, “There’s a lot of problems in the world right now because of our dependency on oil.” Which must be why he and Angelina and however many children they’ve adopted are house-hunting in Monaco, in addition to their homes in New Orleans and Cambodia. That’s a long way to walk from one house to the next, huh?
  • Madonna has toxified the planet almost as much as she’s done to popular music. Her 2006 carbon footprint was estimated at 1,018 tons, or one ton per persona. Which made her Live Earth pontificating all the more enjoyable. “Hey You” yourself, Grandma.
  • John Travolta warns against Global Warming and then jumps into one of his five private jets. Are you noticing a pattern here?
  • Barbra Streisand wants you to wait until the dishwasher is full before you run it. Oh, and her tour rider makes all kinds of exorbitant demands, including rose petals in her toilet.

Etc., etc. But remember: “At least they’re doing something!”

01
May

Arnold’s Commute Could Be Terminated

Quick follow-up on a story from a few months ago: We told you about how Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, self-proclaimed environmentalist and signer of Cullyfornia’s Global Warming Solutions Act of 2006, has been flying back and forth every day in his private jet between his home in L.A. and his office in Sacramento. We all have our own ways of saving the planet, right?

Well, now Santa Monica residents and even members of his own family want to put a halt to Ahnold’s carbon-creating commute:

A federal judge will decide on May 15 whether the governor can land aboard a Gulfstream IV in Santa Monica, a 15-minute drive to his home in Los Angeles’ wealthy Brentwood enclave. The governor’s brother-in-law, Bobby Shriver, is among the Santa Monica city council members who voted unanimously on March 25 to ban large jets at the municipal airport.

“These guys aren’t listening so we have to lift the conversation to a different level,” said Shriver, referring to proponents of allowing the jets, including the U.S. Federal Aviation Administration. A surge in flights “has changed the whole safety profile of this little airport,” said Shriver, 54, a brother of California’s first lady, Maria Shriver.

Man, Thanksgiving must be awkward!

When told he might have to spend hours every day driving being chauffeured to Sacramento and back — or possibly might even have to live there — due to the meddling of a bunch of nobodies who’ve never made a single blockbuster, here was Schwarzenegger’s reaction:

(Hat tip to faithful Deceiver reader Pastafarian)

29
Apr

Sting & Trudy: Two More Ecocrites

Looks like the new trend among Green knowitalls is to scold others for not saving the planet, and then:

“When it comes to the carbon footprint, Sting puts his hand up immediately and says ‘I’m a musician and I have a huge carbon-footprint”,’ [Sting’s wife Trudy Styler] said.

She then asked: “Are we being hypocritical?’ before seeming to answer the question herself.

“He has a 750-person crew to bring around the world and it is a difficult challenge.

“I would like to think that we both work pretty hard for the rights of indigenous people and for the rights of conservation of the Amazon rainforest, but we do need to get around. It’s a difficult one.”

Neat trick, huh? Instead of making people try to wrap their heads around some lame, twisty excuse for your hypocrisy, you just flat-out admit it. Somehow, apparently, that makes it all okay. (Works for Arianna too. Or does it?)

Do they really need to do all that galavanting around? Sting must have more than enough money to last the rest of his life, no matter how many Tuscan estates he buys. Isn’t it just his ego keeping him out there, spewing far more than his fair share of carbon into the atmosphere and, if what he says is correct, helping to destroy the Earth? Does she really need to fly her chef 100 miles just to make her a bowl of pasta? Aren’t they really just two more rich, pompous jerks who don’t know what they’re talking about?

28
Apr

Arianna Huffington: “I’m Not Setting Myself Up as Some Kind of Paragon”

 

Apparently this is going to be the new tack for Global Warmingers who don’t live like Global Warming actually exists: “I realize I’m a hypocrite! How can you criticize me for being a hypocrite if I’ve already admitted it?” You got us there, Arianna, I guess we can’t. But we don’t have to take you seriously either. “Save the planet, dahlink!” Every time I hear her voice, I expect Eddie Albert to pop up with a pitchfork.

(Hat tip: Hot Air)

25
Apr

Harrison Ford Waxes Off His Man Fur for Mother Earth

harrison_ford.jpgHarrison Ford, whose fourth Indiana Jones movie is coming out next month, had his hairy chest waxed to make a statement about the environment.

According to Access Hollywood:

In an effort to showcase the pain involved in deforestation, Harrison willingly subject himself to the painful process of stripping his chest of all its follicles.

Having worked with [Conservation International] for 15 years, it was Harrison’s hope that his trip to the salon might just shock people into thinking “green.”

Ouch.

The other thing that he could do to combat the timber industry is not adding all kinds of wooden decks and other tree-harvested installations to mansions in the Hollywood Hills. Or building log homes. Actually, it seems that all of his four or five houses are enormous and wooden.

Just saying, people in log houses should not throw stones.

24
Apr

An Inconvenient… Um… Er…

You may have heard that, as ABC News reported, the footage of the “collapsing Antarctic ice shelves” in Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth was actually made up of special-effects shots taken from the 2004 sci-fi doozy The Day After Tomorrow:

Well, it’s fake but accurate, you might say. “Just because Big Al manipulated my emotions with spectacular Hollywood fakery doesn’t mean we’re not ALL GONNA DIE FROM GLOBAL WARMING!!!” If you really believe that, there’s no point in arguing with you. But you’ll have to forgive me for laughing at the look on your face when you find out what the effects guys used to make all those “glaciers”:

Sculpted from Styrofoam and later scanned into a computer, the ice shelf “flyover” looks real.

That’s right, Styrofoam! You know, the evil, evil stuff that’s being banned all over the place because it’s destroying the environment. Wonder what the studio did with it when they were done with their dumb movie? Five hundred years from now, will the last few survivors of the human race stumble upon those beautifully sculpted glaciers, completely intact, in some forgotten landfill?

Guess it’s kind of like Al’s blazingly incandescent house: You can’t save the world without destroying more than your fair share of it.

(Thanks to faithful Deceiver reader Jenn for the tip!)

23
Apr

Cartoon of the Week. Just because.

al-gore-flies-to-oslo.jpg

22
Apr

How Can You Save the Earth? Buy Stuff!

Yay, it’s Earth Day!

What’s that? You didn’t know today’s Earth Day? Well, now ya do. Come on, you don’t want to miss out on all that pedantic scolding you could be doing, huh?

Let’s go on an Earth Day shopping trip! All sorts of companies are cashing in on your credulity looking into their hearts and doing what’s right for the planet:

  • The place to start, of course, is Amazon Green. That’s right, Amazon.com has a section strictly devoted to products that will save the Earth! From recycled bumwipe to dim, flickery, eye-reddening lightbulbs to baby clothes made out of freaking soybeans, they’ve got everything you need to convince yourself you’re making a difference. And it’s all shipped to you, anywhere in the country, via Santa’s magic sleigh. Zero carbon emissions!
  • Then you’ll want to hit Whole Foods, where as of today, the clerks who ring up your overpriced produce and flavorless hemp snacks will be asking you, “Paper or… paper?” No more plastic bags! Of course, you’ve probably preempted their mute disapproval anyway by getting some of those canvas shopping bags. (Isn’t hemp awesome?)
  • Don’t forget to pick up today’s paper. Almost 50 of today’s comic strips, from Arctic Circle to Zits, have an Earth Day theme. I know what you’re thinking: “What about all those murdered trees, you dumb hippie?” Nice try, fascist, but all Earth Day newspapers are printed on a special blend of pixie wishes and unicorn dreams!
  • Once all your shopping is done, maybe you want to relax and unwind at a baseball game. Well, you can’t, because Major League Baseball is honoring Earth Day by tearing down all their parks, plowing them under, and planting trees on them. Just kidding! They’re starting some sort of “Greening Program.” Presumably it doesn’t involve encouraging fans to reduce their carbon emissions by staying home.
  • Of course, I found all this stuff via Google:

    The logo means they care! Can’t help but notice there are no salmon… this must be downstream from one of Google’s hydroelectric plants.

I don’t know about you, but now I feel much better about not taking the quickest and most obvious step to save the planet: Killing myself and my entire family.

And don’t forget: “At least they’re doing something!”

(Thanks to the Unsuitablog for the inspiration)

22
Apr

Historic Green Border Demonstrates TIME Magazine’s Newfangled Attitude Toward Killing Trees

time-self-promotion-cropped.gif

Courtesy of a friend who buys advertising for a living, this is the gratuitous self-promotion that TIME magazine is sending its real customers this week (the ad buyers, not the subscribers).

Ooh! Nothing shows commitment to the environment like using green ink instead of red ink! Never mind how many trees we killed to print 5 million green-colored copies. Nothing to see here… move along.

When was the last time a news organization actually declined to publish a dead-tree edition of its magazine or newspaper, or offered it only online, in homage to Earth Day? Now that’s something I could respect, even if the whole “going green” thing is a bit overdone these days.

And don’t get me started about the Iwo Jima reference in the cover photo.




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