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Archive for the 'Legal Messes' Category



28
Jul

Yeah, Denise Richards Went There

Back in June when Charlie Sheen declared he was done trashing Denise Richards in the press, I was hopeful that we wouldn’t have to read any more of the former spouses’ dirty laundry. I admit it, I’m naive.

In a new low for the Wild Things actress, she’s accused Sheen of molesting their young daughters. She called for an emergency custody hearing last week where she presented video footage of Sam and Lola, ages 4 and 3, acting “strangely.” The judge dismissed the evidence when Sheen countered with videos of the girls behaving normally at his house.

So why would Richards do such a thing?

Television, baby.

“She came after Charlie because the ratings on her E! reality show ['It's Complicated'] have tanked and they were threatening not to renew,” the source said.

“She thinks a court battle would be good for ratings so she wants all overnight visits with the girls ceased, and monitored visits with her nanny. She invited the media circus to the hearing and even wanted reporters in the judge’s chambers - which wasn’t allowed. It’s ridiculous.”

Denise Richards is the worst kind of bully: the kind who doesn’t stop even after the victim has walked away. The more I hear about this crazy bitch, the more I wonder what kind of drugs Sheen was using when he married her.

28
Jul

Shia LaBeouf Arrested After Drunken Car Crash

Transformers actor Shia LaBeouf was arrested early yesterday morning for drunk driving after he hit another car and rolled his SUV over onto its roof.

His passenger and the other driver were fine, but LaBeouf received “extensive hand surgery” at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. Still, his publicist says he’ll be back to work on the set of Transformers 2 within a month.

Maybe it’s just me but it seems like the 22-year-old has a bit of an alcohol problem. He was arrested in November for getting into a security guard’s face at a Walgreens in Chicago.

He didn’t seem too concerned about it, later joking with David Letterman:

“Drinking and driving is one thing, but drinking and shopping … it’s just as bad.”

Seems to me that drinking is the common denominator here, Shia. Look into it.

23
Jul

Perez Be Hatin’

Why does Perez Hilton spend so much time in court? Maybe the courthouse has a really good cafeteria. The dullwitted, donut-demolishing diva’s latest target is a site called perezrevenge.com. According to the LA Times, Hilton (real name: Mario Lavandeira) is suing them for hurting his feelings. Whoops! I mean, he’s suing because:

The suit accuses the offenders of cyber-squatting and deceptive trade practices, with no reference to whether they look foolish in whatever they are wearing.

The defendants, who didn’t immediately respond to a request for comment, stand accused in the lawsuit of misleading the public by creating the impression that their site “is associated with and/or is otherwise authorized or endorsed by Lavandeira.”

A sound legal strategy. Here’s one of their attempts to make it look like Mario endorses them, from just yesterday:

Hey Perez, why did your VH1 show go off the air again? What were your Nielsen ratings? I have them, but unlike you, I won’t post them to make myself look better.

Posts like “The picture before and after that Blobber wouldn’t show” and “Wow. Mario Lavandeira is in denial” can only compound the problem. Or how about the lead-in to another recent post:

I am constantly surprised by the nonsensical rambling that I read at PerezHilton.com.

Imagine the audience’s confusion: “Wait, am I at PerezHilton.com right now? Or is this a Perez-approved site? There’s no possible way to tell!”

Mario claims he’s going after these people for piggybacking (no pun intended) on his, ahem, good name. A name he came up with all by himself, honest! He absolutely did not appropriate the name of somebody more famous to ooze his way into the spotlight. Nope, never happened…

(Hat tip: Deceiver reader Discordia)

21
Jul

Khloe’s Klink Kicked Her Out to Kounteract Konceivability of Kaboom

Akkording to Us Weekly, the third-kuddliest Kardashian kutie (not kounting their dad Robert) is now klaiming… ahem, claiming that she was released from jail after just three hours because:

“As soon as I got to Lynwood, there were three bomb threats, and so they put me in solitary confinement,” she said on Ryan Seacrest’s KIIS-FM radio show Monday.

“A warden came down to see me and said, ‘You’re the one causing all the problems here… There’s all these bomb threats, and we’re thinking it’s for you.’

“They released me early because I was a threat to the prison.”

I honestly don’t care whether she gets the death penalty or a presidential pardon for all future crimes. I just like making fun of her dumb name. You gotta give me points for honesty, at least.

Update: TMZ says Khloe is a konfabulator!

18
Jul

Khloe’s Konvict Krisis Sure Was Kwick

Celebrity scofflaw Khloe Kardashian, sister of Kim and daughter of Robert, just spent a whole 3 hours in jail for violating probation related to a DUI. It was originally 30 days, which got knocked down to 3 days. She would’ve tried for 3 minutes, but that wouldn’t even be enough time for her entourage to get in and out of the place. Let’s hear it for taking responsibility.

BTW, Khloe prepared for her grueling incarceration by getting a way-tuff jailhouse tat!

She thought this would guarantee her protection by one of the prison gangs, but she forgot the last “K.”

15
Jul

Perez Hilton: Lard & Order

Plus-sized professional prevaricator* Perez Hilton is heading back to court yet again! He’s being sued for $25 million by a geriatric nurse named Diane Wargo for publishing her name and e-mail address last December, after she sent him a very impolite e-mail from her work address:

Perez you are a FAT GAY PIG! Angelina is a ugly whore! You love her because she is a fag lover! Her brother is a gay little jerk just like your fat ugly ass! MANGELINA is a digusting gross skank!

Okay, so she’s no Oscar Wilde. Or even Oscar the Grouch…

Later that day, Wargo was fired from her job at the Menorah Park Center for Senior Living in Cleveland, and she says she’s been deluged with threats and invective from Hilton’s readers. According to her suit, he violated his own privacy policy by not getting her permission to give out her personal information. But according to Hilton’s lawyer, that policy only applies to blog comments, not e-mails, and Wargo had no expectation of privacy rights.

Gosh, this all sounds so familiar… Oh yeah, now I remember! As we told you back in April, the portly pap-plunderer is suing lesser-known scumblogger Jonathan Jaxson for, among other things, giving out Hilton’s cell phone number. Here’s the first part of Hilton’s complaint, courtesy of the Smoking Gun:

Hiding behind various aliases and intentional falsehoods, Defendant Jonathan Wayne Lewandowski, aka Jonathan Jaxon, aka Jonathan Taylor (”Jaxson”), an Internet blogger, embarked on a campaign to intentionally and maliciously interfere with [Mario] Lavandeira’s business by publishing a continuous onslaught of defamatory statements and publishing Lavandeira’s private cell phone number, while encouraging people to call that number to harass him. This conduct by Jaxson defamed Lavandeira and caused him to suffer extreme business interruption and constant harassment.

See how that works? If you violate Perez Hilton’s privacy and interfere with his ability to make a living, he’ll sue you. And if you say something that displeases Perez Hilton, he’ll invade your privacy and interfere with your ability to make a living.

Problem?

*Look it up, Mario.

08
Jul

Michael Jackson’s Plastic Surgeon Getting Sued

The plastic surgeon whom Michael Jackson continues to deny he sees is being sued for $100-million by his former partners.

Steven “Doc Hollywood” Hoefflin, who reportedly also has treated disfigured Elizabeth Taylor, Sylvester Stallone, and Donald Trump, then checked himself into Cedars-Sinai Medical Center’s psych ward presumably to treat the stress brought on by the legal matter.

Here’s hoping the defamation lawsuit will bring to light more details about what, exactly, Michael Jackson has elected to do to his face.

And isn’t anyone curious to know what work The Donald has had done? My money’s on tweaking his sneer.

03
Jul

MiLo Continues to Not Know Anything About Fatherhood

I sincerely hope that this is the last Michael Lohan post I’ll write in a while — he is so sleazy and horrible that I feel in need of a shower after reading up on him.

But now this scuzzball is shopping around a tell-all interview to any gossip rag that will offer to help him pay child support to that 13-year-old daughter who just surfaced.

Lohan has approached both OK! and People magazines with the offer of his exclusive story, should paternity tests prove he’s her biological father. “He’s approaching everyone to get the highest bid because, if he is the dad, he’s going to need the money for back child support,” said an insider. The tweenster’s mother, Kristi Kaufmann, claims she and Lohan had an affair in 1995 when he was separated from then-wife Dina Lohan. The asking price for Michael’s story is in the $20,000 range, but it sounds like both weeklies are passing on the offer. “Nobody wants to buy DNA results,” our source scoffed. A rep for People denied Lohan had approached the mag, and a rep for OK! said, “We’re not interested.”

You know you’re a horrible person when freaking OK! magazine has more integrity than you do.

03
Jul

Tatum O’Neal Pleads Guilty to Drug Charges

Actress Tatum O’Neal, who was arrested last month for attempting to buy crack, pled guilty to disorderly conduct yesterday in New York.

The 44-year-old actress paid a $95 fee and walked out of Manhattan Criminal Court with a smile and a renewed pledge to stay away from the drugs that have plagued her career.

“I’m going back to my meetings and back to my life,” O’Neal said.

She didn’t comment on her vacillating stories about how she turned back to drugs because her dog died or alternatively because she was researching an upcoming role as an addict.

But here’s hoping her newest pledge to stay clean sticks.

28
Jun

Mini-Me Sues TMZ Over Sex DVD

ranae_shrider_verne_troyer.jpgVerne Troyer, the little guy who’s best known for his work with Mike Myers in the Austin Powers franchise and now the steaming pile known as The Love Guru, has sued gossipmonger TMZ.com for posting a sex tape starring the actor.

In the lawsuit (view PDF here), Troyer says he sent multiple cease-and-desist orders to the website both before and after they shared the video, which features the dwarf performer with his ex-girlfriend Ranae Shrider. The tape was allegedly stolen sometime in the past year.

The suit also names One Night in Paris porn peddler Kevin Blatt as a defendant for trying to broker a deal for the video’s sale through an online porn distributor. Blatt reportedly has received offers as high as $100,000 for the footage.

Troyer is seeking ONE MEEELLION DOLLARS in damages.*

And sorry, sickos: TMZ pulled the post after the lawsuit hit. You’ll just have to wait for someone else to leak it to satisfy your pervy intentions.

*Sorry, couldn’t resist. Multiply that by twenty.




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