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Archive for the 'Slimy Creeps' Category

09
Mar

Blago Now an Authority on Ethics in Politics

By Sarah Jessica Snarker 18 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Politicos, Slimy Creeps, The Washed Up and U.S. Left-wing Politicos

Blago, Blago, Blago.

I guess I can’t really blame you for signing on for the new season of Celebrity Apprentice. I mean, even corrupt and disgraced ex-governors have bills to pay.

But bringing home the bacon by booking speaking engagements on the subject of Ethics in Politics?

Even presuming that big-hair Blago is innocent of all 24 counts of corruption for which he’ll face trial this summer — a list that includes (but is not limited to) racketeering, wire fraud, extortion, and making false statements to federal agents — he’s still a far cry from George Washington.

So you have to wonder what possessed Northwestern University to invite Blagojevich to participate in a panel discussion on morals and ethics last Tuesday. Perhaps the college comedy troupe was out of town and the students just needed a good laugh?

I’d say that you also have to wonder why Blago even agreed to the gig — I mean, he has to know how ridiculous it looks — but that one’s pretty easy to figure. After all, we’re talking about the man who tried to auction off a U.S. senate seat here. Ethics and absurd irony be damned, Rod just wants to make him some money.

And exactly how much money did the Northwestern College Democrats pay Blago for his expert address?

Sadly, we may never know. But it sure would make for one hell of a good Master Card commercial:

Booking the corrupt politician poster-boy to speak at your university’s panel discussion on ethics? An undisclosed sum.

Blago’s reported opening remarks? Priceless.

Many of you must think it’s kind of ironic that I would agree and accept an opportunity to come here and talk to you about ethics in government. [Ed. Nawwww.] For all the courage and testicular virility [Ed. WTF?] you think you have, if I did the things they said I did, and I did wrong things like they want you to believe I did, I would be nowhere near this event.

Unless, of course, you can throw in a extra couple thousand…

02
Mar

Lone Wolves Beware: Obama Joins the Pack on Patriot Act

By Audrey Skepburn 16 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Crazy People, Legal Messes, Politicos, Scientists, Slimy Creeps, U.S. Left-wing Politicos and U.S. Right-Wing Politicos

Hat tip to Deceiver reader “Fortunate Son” for the heads-up on this.

In 2005, then-Senator Barack Obama supported changes to the PATRIOT Act that would have put telecommunications companies in the line of fire. Mainly, he railed against the whole wiretapping thing. In a speech before the The Woodrow Wilson Center On Terrorism in August 2007, Obama said:

That means no more illegal wiretapping of American citizens … no more ignoring the law when it is inconvenient. That is not who we are, and it’s not what is necessary to defeat the terrorists.

Anyway, wiretapping tapped a nerve in the American people. Some loved Obama’s guts and panache. The anthrax-killer loved it too.  Remember the white-powder-will-never-mean-the-same-thing-again guy?

Continue reading ‘Lone Wolves Beware: Obama Joins the Pack on Patriot Act’

22
Feb

Update: Chris Brown Still Not Punching Rihanna!

By Pastafarian 19 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Crazy People, Legal Messes, Musicians and Slimy Creeps

Remember way back when this stuff happened? Probably not. I mean it was a year ago.

Well yesterday, Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Patricia M. Schnegg had nothing but good things to say about Mr. Brown because as she put it…

(Brown) hasn’t missed a session of domestic violence counseling and completed 32 days of community labor in Virginia.

Wow!  What a guy. And imagine going to work and finding out some judge is punishing a celebrity by making them do your job. That kinda sucks.

“It looks like you’re doing really, really well,” Schnegg said. “That’s always good to see.”

“Thank you,”  said the master wordsmith Brown, who was sentenced last year to five years of probation and six months of community labor after pleading guilty to felony assault. The judge also said Brown can travel out of the country for concerts in May, and June. A big Watch Out! To the ladies of Uruguay!

The singer has to be back in court May 11th. Quoth Judge (Punch &) Judy:

“By the time you come back, you’ll be way over halfway there”

Do judges in California have to go through some kind of “life affirming classes” or something?

“Who’s a good boy?! Almost there! Widdle Browny won’t punchy punchy anymore!!” Yech.

Well….Good luck Mr. Brown, Just keep your hands in your pockets for the next two years, and everything will work out fine.

16
Feb

Update: Charitable Brittany Murphy Foundation Neither Charitable nor a Foundation

By Sarah Jessica Snarker 8 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Legal Messes, Movie Stars and Slimy Creeps

We all probably figured this was coming, but nevertheless, it’s still satisfying as hell. Oh, and funny. Really, really funny.

As it turns out, having to cancel the Brittany Murphy Foundation’s launch party “due to an illness in the family” (read: the public outcry surrounding the $1,000 and $10,000 donations required to attend) was just a speedbump on the road to solving her husband’s financial woes making Brittany’s charitable dreams a reality.

TMZ broke the story over the weekend noting that, despite its high-falutin’ title:

The Brittany Murphy Foundation is a foundation in name alone — because according to state and federal records, it does not exist.

The foundation — launched by Brittany’s widower Simon Monjack and her mom Sharon Murphy — has been touted as a charity dedicated to arts education for children, and has been soliciting funds through a website since last month.

[ . . . ]

By law, any foundation soliciting money has to disclose the fact that it is not registered as a nonprofit.

On Friday afternoon, the Brittany Murphy foundation website did not have any such disclosure. The site was taken “down for maintenance” one hour after TMZ called the foundation for comment.

On Sunday the website was relaunched with a message stating that it would hold off accepting any more donations “until we have our non-profit status approved before proceeding to insure [sic] that we can truly honor Brittany’s charitable desires.”

Or, you know, stay out of jail. Potato, potahto . . .

10
Feb

Polanski a Maestro, Unselfish Lover

By Pastafarian 22 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Legal Messes, Movie Stars and Slimy Creeps
Where are all da young girls at?!

Hey! Guess who’s got a new movie coming out that you won’t see? Roman “Pants” Polanski, that’s who.

“The Ghost Writer” is just like his own real-life prison drama, because I guess it was set, and then filmed  in a luxury chalet in Switzerland filled with the best liquor, drugs, and Scandinavian prostitutes that money can buy. It stars Ewan McGregor and Pierce Bronson.

Someone must’ve asked the crappiest James Bond ever what he thought of “Roofies” directorial style, because  Pierce Brosnan replied:

His energy is ferocious, he rules the set, keeps everyone on their toes,” said former James Bond actor Brosnan at a news conference. [Ed: yeah no sh-t, especially if you're a 13 year old girl]

“He has an alchemy with the camera … He’s a taskmaster. You have to know your onions.”

You have to know your onions? ONIONS?

I’ve heard it described as lots of things: “ass-pear,” “like a radish,” and other things I may have overheard while I was on my way to teach bible class to the elderly.

Maybe that’s not what he was talking about. What was I supposed to think? Come on–”Polanski” is actually a Polish word meaning “Want a drink, baby?”

Continue reading ‘Polanski a Maestro, Unselfish Lover’

04
Feb

Noah Cyrus is Roman Polanski-Approved!

By Pastafarian 22 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Businesses, Musicians, Slimy Creeps and Teen Idols

Hooo Boy! Is that Roman Polanski joke played out yet? I sure hope not. Because, HAHA! Every time I hear it I laaaugh, and laaaugh.

Anyhoo… It appears that 9 is the new 32, as Miley’s kid sister is set to unveil her new lingerie line for little girls.

Yep. You read that right.

For kids.

Little Noah Cyrus will be teaming up with her best friend Emily Grace to launch a children’s lingerie collection for “Ohh! La, La! Couture.”

Holy crap! I hope it’s ready in time for Valentine’s Day! (I still have to do my shopping):

The company’s website describes The Emily Grace Collection as having a “trendy, sweet, yet edgy feel, reminiscent of Emily’s true personality. She is collaborating with Ooh! La, La! Couture designers to create versatile styles that can be worn with sweet ballerina slippers, funky sneakers or paired with lace stockings and boots for more of a rock and roll look. Emily’s collection will appeal not just to little girls – the line also has an exclusive Teen Collection available to a size 14.

I would hope against hope that lacy under-britches wouldn’t come in size 14 for anybody. But you try explaining that to your mom.

There was a video I was gonna link to, but — surprise, surprise — it comes up as “private.” Weird huh? I’d try to find it elsewhere but I’ll be lucky if I don’t have to clear this story with the judge as it is.

Oh, yeah. This is a blog about hypocrites, right? I’m going with Billy Ray Cyrus on this one. Just because.

15
Jan

Anti-Gun Politician Pulls a Dirty (Tom, Dick, and) Harry?

By Sarah Jessica Snarker 22 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Politicos, Slimy Creeps and U.S. Left-wing Politicos

Stay with me, folks. This one is good.

Last Thursday, North Carolina State Senator R.C. Soles was indicted on charges of assault with a deadly weapon for the August shooting of 22-year-old Kyle Blackburn, a law client of the senator, outside Soles’s home in Tabor City. According to the Wilmington (NC) Star-News:

SolesA Columbus County grand jury indicted Soles on Thursday on a charge of assault with a deadly weapon inflicting serious injury. The charge carries a possible sentence of 15 to 31 months in prison.

Police say Soles shot Kyle Blackburn, 22, in the leg Aug. 23 at the senator’s Tabor City home. Soles has said he was acting in self-defense after Blackburn and another man tried to kick in the door of his home.

So what’s the big deal? The legislator appears to have acted in self defense. And don’t Americans have the much-ballyhooed right to bear arms, and a right to use them to defend ourselves and our homes from violent intruders? Well, apparently only some of us do.

Soles, a top-ranking Democrat and the longest-serving member of the legislature, is a well known gun-control advocate with a weak one-star “Firearms Friendly” rating from Grassroots NC. (And, in the interest of full-disclosure, an “A” rating from the NRA. But who are we to trust on this? The citizens of state where Soles has been Senator for 32 years? Or the gun lobby with a history of giving out “A” grades like candy at Halloween?)

But wait, it gets better.

Not only does Soles have a schizophrenic relationship with firearms, but he may also be — wait for it — a child molester.

Aren’t you glad you stayed with me?

Continue reading ‘Anti-Gun Politician Pulls a Dirty (Tom, Dick, and) Harry?’

13
Jan

News Flash: John Edwards is Still a Slimeball

By The Oversneer 10 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Slimy Creeps and U.S. Left-wing Politicos

edwards-farewellRemember John Edwards? That whole “Two Americas” riff from way back in December 2007? (One you marry, the other you knock up…) The $400 haircuts? The mistress? The cancer-stricken wife? The love child? The smarmy excuses?

Me neither.

But apparently the National Enquirer isn’t letting pretty-boy Breck Girl go. Because–well, he’s still trying to bang anything with a pulse and no Y chromosomes:

[T]he philandering ex-senator embarked on a “sex-and-booze bender” after what appeared to be a marriage-ending blowout fight with his cancer-stricken wife Elizabeth.

While still publicly not admitting paternity of his love child – who turns 2 in February – the disgraced former presidential candidate shocked eyewitnesses by recently spending several consecutive nights trawling bars in search of women.

Before booting her shameless husband from their home after Christmas, Elizabeth screamed at John that she was “finally signing” the divorce papers she had her lawyers draw up last year during a previous battle over his relationship with Rielle Hunter, the mother of his baby.

Edwards fled to the couple’s vacation home on Figure Eight Island near Wilmington, N.C. – and attempted to bed a female bartender as well as bar patrons young enough to be his daughter, say shocked witnesses.

In a bombshell exclusive interview with The ENQUIRER, bartender Stephanie Breshears revealed that Edwards repeatedly tried to get her to go back to his house for sex.  The 34-year-old divorced mother-of-two said Edwards hit on  her “for four consecutive nights” at the local Kornerstone Bistro, where she works.

“I think he’s scum,” Stephanie told The ENQUIRER. “He was definitely looking to pick up women when he came in here – and he wanted me to go back to his house.”

Not for nothing, the Edwards for President people still have his campaign website up online. Complete with hopeful “Yay America!” language, bumper stickers, and a soft-airbrushed pic of him and the wife he cheated on.

You stay classy, John Boy.

05
Jan

Tila Tequila Can’t Even SPELL “Privacy”

By The Oversneer 31 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Bad Boys & Girls, Crazy People, Slimy Creeps, Socialites, Television Stars and The Washed Up

Thanks to Deceiver reader Matt for the title. You’re right, Matt–sometimes these things write themselves.

Johnson & Johnson heiress (and alleged frequent abuser of the family pharmaceuticals) Casey Johnson has been found dead in her Hollywood home. The “out” lesbian socialite was reportedly engaged to … wait for it … Tila Tequila.

This is going to be wild.

Samantha Ronson tweeted it best today: “Am so sick of those 3 letters, so tired of losing friends to something as senseless as a drug overdose. WAKE UP people. Drugs will kill you.”

And then Lindsay Lohan retweeted it. Hello? Drug overdose? News flash for LiLo: That message was directed at you. Just you. It’s like David Letterman writing a memo telling other talk show hosts not to strip search their interns.

But the real hypocrite in this story has got to be Tila Tequila. Let’s go to the tweets, which started last night around dinnertime in L.A.:

Everyone please pray 4 my Wifey Casey Johnson. She has passed away. Thank u for all ur love and support but I will be offline to be w family

This is a very heartbreaking time for me. I just want some pricacy as I deal with the loss of my Fiance Casey Johnson. I’m heart is shredded

Sounds good. She needs space. This is not the time for mindless famewhoring, even if you’re too drunk to spell “privacy.”

Oh, who are we kidding. Tila Tequila couldn’t stay “offline” if her life depended on it. More tweets, less than an hour later:

Continue reading ‘Tila Tequila Can’t Even SPELL “Privacy”’

11
Dec

Hey, Remember Rielle Hunter?

By Simon Scowl 19 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Crazy People, Legal Messes, Slimy Creeps, The Naughty Bits, The Washed Up, U.S. Left-wing Politicos and Writers

It’s been a while since we’ve heard anything about her. Not that we’d have heard of her in the first place if the media had their way. But now the National Enquirer, which made fools of all of them, has this update:

When Rielle Hunter, the mother of John Edwards’ love child, demanded more money in child support from the disgraced two-time Presidential loser, he tossed her and their daughter out on the street, sources tell the ENQUIRER exclusively!

Top secret documents obtained exclusively by The ENQUIRER provide undeniable proof that John Edwards is the father of his mistress’ love child – and show that she’s asking for nearly $18,000 a month in support!

But Rielle Hunter’s cash grab so infuriated the disgraced presidential candidate that, sources say, he basically tossed her and their daughter out on the street just days before they were set to move into a house he’d bought for them!

Usually I don’t like a lot of exclamation marks! But then again, these are the guys who broke the story! And kept it alive even as their more “respectable” brethren in newsrooms across the country were trying to sweep it under the rug! So I’ll allow it!

Continue reading ‘Hey, Remember Rielle Hunter?’

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