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18
Feb

U and Ur Hand for Sure

By Holly Won't 1 Comment Digg! Digg this
Categories: Bad Boys & Girls, Musicians and Sports Figures

carey_hart.JPGRuh roh. Carey Hart is in some major shiz.

The motocross champ (and husband to rocker girl Pink, who you just know has a killer right hook) was photographed getting flirty with some chick who wasn’t Pink in Vegas over the weekend.

This isn’t the first time he’s gotten in trouble for this kind of bad behavior either. Last summer, there were widespread rumors of his infidelities while Pink was on tour in Europe, to which he replied:

“Just a bunch of trash talk … It’s just a nasty rumor. Everything’s fine.”

Looks fine to me!

Speaking of nasty, that girl he’s with needs to revisit whether she’s wearing a shirt or a dress. Girlfriend is cheeky.

UPDATE: Pink and Carey Hart are getting divorced.

14
Feb

O.J.’s Next Book: “Oops, If I Did It Again…”

By Simon Scowl 4 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Bad Boys & Girls, Sports Figures and The Washed Up

Say, what has the Juice been up to lately? Oh, you know, the usual…

O.J. Simpson’s long-time girlfriend has severe injuries that are consistent with an assault, rather than simply a fall…

Christie Prody, 32, remains hospitalized at Baptist Memorial Hospital in Miami and may be facing brain surgery…

O.J. says that Prody’s injuries are self-inflicted and that she went on a drunken binge and fell down. But cops aren’t convinced, insiders say. And Prody’s injuries are so severe that they are consistent with an assault. Prody was hospitalized after she collapsed at a gas station and hit her head. Simpson was not with her at the time.

But once Prody was examined it became clear that she had more injuries than could have been caused by the fall. She had numerous large bruises and abrasions on her face, arms, legs and buttocks…

O.J.’s lawyer Yale Galanter denied his client had anything to do with Prody’s injuries, an accusation that has not been made by anyone. Responding to the Enquirer’s exclusive report yesterday that some cops aren’t convinced Prody’s injuries are self-inflicted, Galanter told the Miami Herald: “That’s crap.”

Who would ever think that a gorgeous young blonde would be in any danger from O.J. Simpson? Let the hunt for the real batterer begin!

Now, keep in mind that this is from the National Enquirer. So hey, who knows. But if it’s true, it’ll be fun to watch the people who still don’t believe he did it the first time.

06
Feb

Ain’t No Party Like a Hulk Hogan Party ‘Cause a Hulk Hogan Party Has No Sense of Decorum or Shame

By Simon Scowl 2 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Sports Figures, Television Stars and The Washed Up

The Hulkster was “King Bacchus” at this year’s Mardi Gras in New Orleans, showing off his chemically enhanced biceps and hurling “doubloons” at the assembled parade spectators. Check out those pythons, brother!

Hogan might seem like an unwise choice for such an honor, considering the events of the last six months or so. But the guy who picked him insists it was really a smart idea:

Michael Hunt, chairman of the Krewe of Bacchus kings committee, quickly has leapt into the ring to defend Hulk Hogan, whose selection as 2008 celebrity monarch has been attacked on Web forums for everything from Hogan’s “Z-list” celebrity status to his recent domestic troubles to his New Orleans irrelevance.

Hunt selected Hogan, as he has every Bacchus since 2002, and he vows to relinquish his position as Bacchus king-maker if Hogan does not ultimately win over Carnival revelers…

Hogan’s popularity among children is one of Hunt’s primary concerns, he said. Bacchus’s annual visit to Children’s Hospital to dispense doubloons to the bed-bound is the celebrity monarch’s only responsibility, according to Hunt, besides reigning over the parade.

1) Yes, apparently Mike Hunt really is this fellow’s name, and 2) Originally I was going to knock Hogan for supposedly being a role model to kids while at the same time celebrating Bacchus, God of Wine. But then I realized: What better icon of drunken irresponsibility can you find than Hulk Hogan? You remember, the guy who bought his 17-year-old son cases and cases of beer and encouraged him to drag-race on public streets? Which ended up putting U.S. Marine John Graziano in a hospital bed, where he’ll probably be for life? What could be more Bacchanalian than that? Well played, Mardi Gras. Well played.

31
Jan

Ink-oherent

By Simon Scowl 3 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Musicians and Sports Figures

Soccer “star” David Beckham, last seen sporting a t-shirt with his wife Victoria’s naked, airbrushed body on the front, has decided to make things more permanent by having her image squirted into his very flesh:

The marking on his left forearm depicts Posh as a naked angel surrounded by stars and is the first to feature a picture of her.

The seven-inch tattoo winds around a previous design which spells out her name in Hindi. It is a replica of a photo of her taken in a shoot for Pop magazine in 2004…

Beckham reportedly wants to have his upper torso covered in tattoos like Prison Break hero Michael Scofield.

The sleeve design on his lower arm was last year reported to be inspired by Wentworth Miller’s character in the hit US TV show.

So much for “Protect the Skin You’re In”! More like “Deride Your Hide.” If he’s going to imitate a TV show, why can’t it be Lost? As in, that’s what he should get.

29
Jan

Best Placement of a “Y” Since the Village People

By Simon Scowl 3 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Activists, Fashionistas, Musicians, Socialites, Sports Figures and The Naughty Bits

Yesterday Holly told you about Victoria Beckham’s new “Protect the Skin You’re In” t-shirts to raise money for skin-cancer research. Courtesy of the Daily Mail, here’s her husband (That Guy We’re Supposed to Care About Even Though He’s a Professional Soccer Player) wearing one of the shirts:

It’s certainly a good cause, and an even better PhotoShop. But considering the message… shouldn’t it be a long-sleeve t-shirt?

22
Jan

Traveling Is a Penalty in Basketball, Right?

By Holly Won't 1 Comment Digg! Digg this
Categories: Businesses and Sports Figures

sonics.jpgThe Seattle SuperSonics basketball team is trying everything to get out of its lease at the KeyArena. They’re claiming in court documents that no one will notice if they leave the city:

“The financial issue is simple, and the city’s analysts agree, there will be no net economic loss if the Sonics leave Seattle. Entertainment dollars not spent on the Sonics will be spent on Seattle’s many other sports and entertainment options. Seattleites will not reduce their entertainment budget simply because the Sonics leave.”

Which is the opposite of what they said in 2006 when they were trying to get the city to build them a new $271.5-million venue:

The franchise claims it has a $258 million economic impact on Seattle—a figure based on rosy estimates—and that a new facility would not require new or higher taxes.

Which is, of course exactly, what they’re selling in Oklahoma City, where the team’s owners want to set up shop next—if they can get out of their lease at the KeyArena. OKC is going to vote in March on a $100-million package to spruce up the Ford Center and build a practice facility for the team.

11
Jan

Marion Jones Sentenced to 6 Months for Steroid Use

By Holly Won't 2 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Sports Figures

marionjones.jpgDisgraced Olympic runner Marion Jones has been sentenced to six months in prison for lying about her steroid use and for check-writing fraud.

In October, she was stripped of the three gold medals and two bronze that she won for sprints at the 2000 Olympics in Sydney.

She long decried use of the drugs, at one point saying:

“Nobody has ever said anything about Marion Jones ever using performance-enhancing drugs and they never will,” Jones said. “I’m for a drug-free sport and always will be.”

But after realizing she could go to jail for lying about it, she changed her tune to ask for a lighter sentence, pleading that her two young children needed her. The judge didn’t have any of it. Her sentence begins in March.

03
Jan

The Crust Is Stuffed… With Lies!

By Simon Scowl 0 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Movie Stars, Musicians and Sports Figures

Remember we told you about how Pizza Hut spokesdope Jessica Simpson is allergic to pizza? Well, it gets even worse:

The blonde starlet and the hunky quarterback may look like the picture-perfect couple, but are Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo just putting on an act? According to Star Magazine, the rumor mill points to a PR hookup for the couple orchestrated by none other than Jessica’s dad-cum-manager, Joe Simpson…

So what’s in it for Tony? Well, publicity is a two-way street. Star reports Jess and Tony are in talks to film a Pizza Hut commercial for the Super Bowl broadcast.

Hooking up with a boyfriend you don’t like to promote food you can’t eat, all so your creepy dad can make even more money off your hot, hot body? I thought I knew you, Jessica… and it turns out I did!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxPEk_UcKUo

31
Dec

Memo to Tuna: Beggars Can’t Be Choosers

By The Oversneer 0 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Sports Figures

With all the hype in American football surrounding the New England Patriots’ epic perfect season (soon to be memorialized, I’m sure, in a Disney movie), it’s easy to lose sight of all the other big stories in the National Football League. Here’s one begging for scorn.

parcells.jpgBill “Big Tuna” Parcells, an NFL coach of no small import, agreed this week to take on the job of Executive Vice President of Football Operations for the woeful Miami Dolphins. How bad are the dolphins? The team posted just 1 win this year, and 15 losses. The last team to do what the Patriots have accomplished this year (a perfect season) was the 1972 Miami squad. Last time I checked, the veterans from that year were switching their arm bands and pretending they lived in Boston.

So here’s what the new head guy in Miami has to say about his plans for the team:

“I’m interested in good character people. I don’t want thugs and hoodlums on the team. I don’t want bad character guys. I don’t want problem children … I want to get a good base, good character people that are dependable, reliable employees that come to work with the idea of trying to win football games for the Miami Dolphins.”

Funny — Last time I checked, Parcells owed his two Super Bowl rings to the on-field talents of social misfits and thugs like Lawrence Taylor. Remember him? The superstar Pro Bowl linebacker who admitted to snorting coke as early as his second pro season? The guy who played games while high on crack and bottled his teammates’ urine to beat drug tests?

Yeah — “good character” people help you get ahead in the NFL.

Prediction: Next year at least two Dolphins will have highly publicized drug problems. One will be arrested on firearms charges. Parcells will keep his eye on the scoreboard.

Of course, I could be wrong. Give back the rings, Bill, and all will be forgiven.

Hat tip: New York Daily News

26
Dec

Sorry, Tony!

By Simon Scowl 2 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Sports Figures and Television Stars

Remember Alexandra Paressant, that (allegedly) French (alleged) model who claimed she had an (alleged) affair with Tony Parker? If you’ve been on Mars for the last few weeks, type “Tony Parker” in the search field on the right side of the page. Got it? There you go. Well, it turns out that not only doesn’t she have any proof of the affair, but she isn’t even really who she says she is!

Somebody at the Huffington Post did some actual reporting on it. (Yes, I said the Huffington Post. Why?) Dana Kennedy looked into it for People magazine, and she talks about her findings at HuffPo. It turns out that all the pictures and videos of Paressant online are really of a German model named Hana Nitsche. Nobody reporting on the story has ever actually seen Paressant. She also invented other characters to back up her story, including a “best friend” named Ornella, played by Paressant herself. She’s like the Eddie Murphy of crazy stalkers! Before Parker, she pulled the same crap on a Brazilian soccer star named Ronaldinho, and it sounds like he wasn’t the first one. Now Parker is suing x17online to the tune of $20 million for running her story, but they got suckered too.

So, Alexandra Paressant isn’t who she says she is, Tony Parker didn’t do anything wrong, and I totally fell for it. I was careful to point out that her tales were only allegations, but in my heart I was a liar. I believed it because I wanted to believe it. Let that be a lesson, Me!

(Hat Tip: Cele|bitchy, who has more on Hana Nitsche and how she got fooled into helping Paressant’s plot along)

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